And So the Blade
by AxlMaster
Summary: At the end of it all, Ichigo looks to the future. The training begins, and so the blade is passed. While the wars are over and the villains vanquished or captured, there are still the daily challenges. Groceries, school projects, saving immortal souls. All in a day's work.
1. Chapter 1

A foggy morning in humble Karakura Town, the town found itself bathing in the rising sun, so the thick mists began drifting apart in the dull orange rays. Alleyways and courtyards, nooks and crannies of the town were still being sat upon by the mist however and showed little eagerness in losing the fog. Such was the way of fall months here, an air of reluctant activity as if the town would rather go back to bed and let the day sort itself out.

Such an air reflected the attitude of many people here, but their lazy resolve, or resolve to laziness, was broken like most any other day by a variety of hellish tools designed to rouse them from the land of dreams where they would dance in their wildest fantasies. Dogs were a common tool of torture, but the one unifying hell was the alarm clock.

Alarm clocks have a vital role in society, and yet they are regarded by many as instruments of pain. So it was common to wake up, yank the clock out of the wall socket – or silence it by other percussive methods – before returning to their dreams.

It was nonetheless unusual when an alarm clock went flying out the window of a little emergency clinic.

Sadly for the alarm clock it did not land on the street. It streaked through the air like an arrow fired from a Quincy bow, and did not stop until it crashed into the wall of another house, shattering into all its bits. It was safe to say that the occupants of that impacted house were awoken by the noise, as were the occupants of the emergency clinic. That was one of the many oddities of the town, someone being woken up by an alarm clock thrown from several blocks away.

"Good riddance."

A man in the emergency clinic had followed the clock's trajectory with eagle eyes. He hadn't seen where it landed and he frankly could not bring himself to care. He had gone to war with the clock and his victory had just been claimed. For all he knew the clock landed on Uryu just as he had been leaving his own house and left him with a concussion.

Wait. If that happened then Uryu would probably fire an arrow back at him. It wouldn't be the first time. But he had thrown the clock in a different direction than Uryu's house, so unless the guy was standing in a very unlucky spot, there would be no arrows. Which for him meant that it was time to get ready for the day. The first step was taking a shower, and then shaving.

He ran his hand along his cheek, and sure enough there was the fuzz that felt like the roughest sandpaper. That wouldn't do at all, he had sworn to never grow a beard and he intended to keep that.

On his way to the shower he heard a grunt from the bed. He stopped. A long, brown-haired lump was pulling the rest of the covers over itself. Now that he was up the covers were easy pickings for her.  
He smiled at the sight of her pulling the covers up and over her head, disappearing in the warmth. The deep sounds of snoring signaled that she was indeed still asleep. Somehow. When he emerged from the shower she was still asleep and still snoring away. It was a miracle. Not only could she reject physical injuries, she could reject all sound.

Today was going to be a fun day, so he went for simple clothing. Jeans would do, as would his sneakers. He didn't need a button up shirt, so he settled on a black t-shirt and a red zip-up hoodie. He checked himself in the mirror. Everything looked in order, and his hair was growing out nicely. He made for the door.

"Mph." A grunt from the bed stopped him. The snoring beast had stirred.

He looked back and saw that an arm was now hanging off the edge. The arm twitched, like it was waving him over, with another grunt. He sighed. She wasn't asleep anymore, but she was definitely in no hurry to wake up either.

"Good morning." he whispered. He took her hand in his own. With his free hand he lifted the covers. He peaked, and saw a big chestnut eye looking at him, half closed.

"Morning." she mumbled.

"Do you need coffee?"

She shook her head, though it was hard to tell because she only shook by about one half a millimeter. She must have had her hands full this week at school, so she wouldn't be out for a good long while.

"First day training?" she asked, to which he nodded.

"I've got a nice spot lined up, we'll bring food, take breaks, all worked out." She muttered something faintly sounding like "okay." But she wasn't done. Her gripped tightened on his hand. She had to say something important.

"Go easy on him." she said.

He titled his head.

"I mean. . ." she grunted again. "Your training was tough."

He nodded. Tough was one way to put it. His first real training had gotten him stabbed, wrapped in bandages, nearly crushed by a stone pillar, and to put the cherry on top he had awakened his hollow. And that was just to start with in a long string of life-or-death training.

"I'll go easy on Kazui." he chuckled. "I promise I won't put him in anything dangerous."

She nodded with the sleepiest of smiles. "Good." she squeezed his hand again. "What's planned?"

"I decided on something light; Zanpakuto meditation. Maybe running laps or push ups."

"Mhm. You two have fun."

He smiled and turned to leave, but he felt the hand of his sleepy wife keeping him from leaving. He saw that she was puckering her lips, still looking at him with half-closed eyes.

"Won't let me go huh?"

"No. Kissy. Now."

"Alright, you win." he groaned. But he couldn't help but smile as he leaned in and placed his lips on her own. She was so warm that he could feel the heat radiating off her as they kissed. They broke it, and she sighed, giving a contented grin.

"Love you." he whispered.

"M'love you too."

He pulled the covers back up over her neck. He slowly rose to his full height, looking down on his wife. All the life-or-death training, all the battles and danger. All of it had been worth it to be at home, safe, with his family. Seeing Orihime curled up in their bed was a cherry on top of the sundae for him. Then the thought of food made his stomach growl. It sounded like a Hollow.

If he didn't know better, he'd have thought that Zangetsu had control of his gut and used that to torment him. Sly spirit.

Thankfully it was a simple matter to zip downstairs without making any noise. Strangely he smelled fresh coffee already, and when he turned the corner into the kitchen he saw who had made it.

"Hey Ichigo."

"Morning Karin." he replied.

"Coffee's good to go." she said. Judging from how she was wrapped in a blanket she wasn't exactly eager to be up either.

"Great. Thanks caterpillar. Have you seen my sister?"

Karin gave him a glare that would've given Kenpachi pause. Ichigo decided to find something to do, and luckily his thermos was resting near the sink, nice and clean. He grabbed the pot and poured. The smell and steam wafted to his nostrils.

"Were you out late? We didn't hear you come in."

"I was out with friends. We went out to party." she groaned. "Way, way too much. It feels like. . .Like."

"Like a Menos Grande stepped on your head?"

"Are those really heavy?"

Ichigo paused. "Well, their steps shattered the ground if I remember right."

"Then yes. I feel like I got stepped on by a Menos."

Ichigo nodded. "Kind of miss that feeling." He reached into the fridge and pulled out two big lunchboxes. He placed them on the kitchen table to check their contents. Everything looked to be in here. Kazui hadn't eaten his food either, so it was all good. He took no small pride in his lunch set aside the lunchboxes and slumped down in his own chair across from Karin. He noticed her stare, looking at him like he was a madman. He shrugged as he sipped his coffee.

"You miss feeling like you got stepped on by a Hollow?"

"Well, not literally stepped on. I miss the ache of an intense fight. I'm glad I'm not getting chased by Hollows. . .Or Captains. . .Or Arrancars. . .Or Quincies."

"Or Bounts?" Karin chuckled, but Ichigo groaned. "Funny, I rarely hear stories about that incident."

"We kind of agreed to not talk about it."

"We?" she asked.

"The Gotei 13."

'Why?"

"Because we don't talk about it."

Karin sighed. "You're all weird. Go on, you were saying."

"Thanks. I just kind of miss a good fight every so often. Nowadays when a Hollow comes its usually an easy thing, and that's if it's not taken down by you or Uryu. I'm not going to run off to Soul Society-"

"Good because Rukia would kick you back."

"-but I miss a challenge, I suppose."

"I understand." Karin nodded. She looked a little bit less hungover now that she had sipped more of her coffee. Luckily one of the benefits of spiritual power was a resistance to most physical ailments. Diseases kind of died when they came into contact with a spiritual person, and Ichigo truly could not remember the last time he had a hangover. Which made Karin's hangover all the more astounding that it had somehow defeated her spiritual power.

"Do you fear your skills are getting dull?" she asked. It was with a look that overcame her previous sluggishness. "Do you think you might not be able to protect people you care about?"

"No." Ichigo spoke without hesitation. "I'm stronger than ever."

"Good. So you're bored."

Ichigo leaned back in his chair. That was it. He missed the adrenaline.

"Yeah. A bit. But you know what?"

"What?"

"If my biggest problem right now is that I'm bored, I'm okay with that." he smiled. "I can bear it. It's a lot better than having Kenpachi show up on my doorstep for a fight."

Karin nodded. "Words of wisdom, dear sage."

"Good to know the hangover hasn't dulled your sarcasm." Ichigo laughed.

He was cut off when two fingers slammed into his lips. Karin's hand had shot to him instantaneously like she was Yoruichi with a plate of milk. Karin's eyes burned with a silent inferno that threatened to burn him alive.

After several tortuous seconds she retracted her hand of pain, and sipped from her coffee, cradling it like a baby in her hands. It wasn't the weirdest thing that Ichigo had seen, but it was somewhere up there, just below seeing Kon in his plush body for the first time.

"Well I'll leave you to your hangover, I've got to go get-"

"Morning dad!" Rapid footsteps alerted Ichigo to his little oni running down the stairs at top speed. Before Ichigo had even put down his thermos, Kazui had lept down the last flight of stairs and landed in the kitchen. His impact shook the table slightly and made Karin jump in her seat. Kazui didn't seem to notice. He spun to attention in front of Ichigo. Arms at his hips, standing straight with pride. He was fully dressed already and had his backpack and computer bag with him. Ichigo noticed that Kon was in his left arm, and snoring away.

Ichigo was impressed with his sons enthusiasm, while Karin, judging from her groans, was about five seconds away from releasing her Zanpakuto and blasting the town into ash for some peace and quiet.

"Well good morning, sleep well?"

"Yes I did. I'm all ready to get going!"

"Kazui," Karin's voice was like nails on a chalkboard. "please keep it down. Aunt Karin has a very mean headache."

"Sorry Aunt!" Kazui chirped. "I'm just. . ." Kazui dropped his voice. "Dad and I start training!" The kid somehow zipped up to Karin's side. Just as quickly he pulled his aunt into a hug. Karin's grump was not broken by the affection, but Ichigo could see that her grimace lightened, just a little bit.

"That's great Kazui." she said. She tapped his forehead with her head, like she was patting him.

Ichigo rose from his chair, thermos in hand. While Kazui zipped to grab his own lunchbox, Ichigo checked his watch to see that it had just turned eight. Perfect. He snatched up his lunchbox. His backpack, with his computer and some medical notes, was slung over his shoulders. He didn't expect to have much free time during training aside from a lunch break, but he might be able to get in some work.

Kazui was already at his side, beaming at him.

"If I didn't know better I'd say that you could already flash step."

"That'd be quieter at least." Karin said. "I'm going back to bed."

"Good night Aunt Karin!" Kazui cheered,

Karin groaned from Kazui's voice but continued to slink up the stairs, still wrapped in her blanket.

"Sleep well caterpillar. Ichigo said

Karin waved him goodbye, though she raised only one finger as she did so.

"Come on you," Ichigo tousled Kazui's hair much to his annoyance. "today we start training."

* * *

While life in Karakura was mostly boring for Ichigo, the place was a home that he loved dearly, a place he could be comfortable in. Unlike the cities it was pretty quiet, and aside from the occasional Hollow attacks – and Kenpachi – not a lot of crazy stuff happened here. While the lack of random explosions and "earthquakes" meant that the construction crews had little to do but pave and repave streets, it had made it a lot easier to relax for everyone, especially for him and the others.

It meant that now his family could go on the occasional picnics to the river without the sky opening to drop hundreds of Hollows on them. They could go to a festival without those weird Blank things coming in for deadly group hugs. No Arrancars blasting Cero left and right for them, just the obnoxious pigeon.

He had all he needed here. A home, a loving wife, his two sisters, and his little Oni.

"Dad, dad, dad, can you tell me about the time you first used your bankai?"

"I'm not telling you that story until you're older."

"But Aunt Rukia told me the first time you used it was on Uncle Byakuya! He's really strong!"

Ichigo rolled his eyes. Kazui's endless curiosity never failed.

"I won't tell you the story because it involves a lot of violence." Ichigo stopped. "That probably just makes the story sound even interesting doesn't it." He was not surprised to see Kazui nodded with a grin etched into his face. "I promise I'll tell you when you're older, fifteen at least."

"Fine." he sighed. "Can you at least tell me what your bankai did? How did it work?"

"Sure sure, oh, just down this alley. We'll be going to that old courtyard." They slipped down the alley. This was a spot he had scouted out with Yoruichi's help. It was quiet, isolated, and had some old rubble and assorted junk to mess around with. He seemed to remember it was one of the spots that had been damaged with the Second Arrancar Invasion, yet hadn't been restored since then. It would serve a nice spot for their training for the time being.

"At the time my bankai made me fast. Really, really damn fast. I could leave several dozen afterimages when I wanted to mess with someone. My strength went up as well, and Zangetsu fired a black and red Getsuga Tenshou that was a lot more powerful."

"Red and black? Cool!" Kazui cooed. "Did you beat Uncle with it?"

"Well, eventually I did. I almost lost though." Ichigo looked around as they emerged into the courtyard. There was more grass and weeds than he remembered, but he couldn't complain. It looked serene here. The sun was just beginning to pierce through the fog in here, making for an appropriate start to the new day. There was a small pile of rubble to their left. It looked like a nice place to sit. He placed his backpack and lunchbox next to the pile, and Kazui did the same.

"I didn't have much experience with my bankai before that fight, which made it a problem."

"What do you mean?"

"Well it's kind of embarrassing but my bankai's power was crushing my body at the time, which slowed me down and made the fight more difficult." he could only shrug, but Kazui cringed.

"Did it hurt?"

"Well, you know how it feels like to be carrying textbooks? It was kind of like that."

"That doesn't sound too awful." Kazui offered. To this Ichigo nodded with a chuckle. Being slowed hadn't hurt that much. Now being shot through the shoulder with a kido, that had hurt.

Wait a second, this was a teaching opportunity.

"I didn't have much time to practice, so I had to learn on the fly and missed some of the basics. I didn't go through the normal method of getting a Zanpakuto until I was seventeen."

Kazui looked confused. "Then how did you get one before that?"

"It's a long story that I'll tell you in due time. But the point is that I missed a lot of important stuff that probably would have helped me out in battles. For example, I did not know a single Kido spell for all that time. I know, it's shocking. But while it was hard for me, we're going to make sure you learn the basics of being a shinigami."

"Yes sir!" Kazui made a salute. "Where shall we start? Zanjutsu, Kido, Hakuda? Ooh can we learn how to do flash steps!?"

"Slow down you." Ichigo said. "You're forgetting the first step." Ichigo unzipped a pocket in his backpack, and pulled out a dispenser that had a cartoon rabbit head. "Here you go." Ichigo tossed the candy to Kazui. At the same time, Kon was sent flying into Ichigo's open hand. He could see that the dopey little lion was still asleep. So that left only one option for him.

He squeezed the plushie like a tube of toothpaste. Kon made a sound like he had burped, and then the soul candy rolled out of his mouth, leaving it for him.

"Ready to go son?" he asked.

"You bet dad!"

Ichigo rose, and saw his son in his Shinigami form, standing proud. His black Shihakusho was, as they all somehow were, a perfect fit. The loose sleeves were gently pushed by the cold morning breeze, along with the thinning mist. Kazui's Zanpakuto – with a hilt resembling Tensa Zangetsu's – was mounted on his back with a dark gray cord that went from the top of his right shoulder back down to his left hip.

His little Oni, a soon-to-be-Substitute Shinigami.

"Dad?" Kazui's question shook Ichigo from his thoughts. "Something wrong?"

"No, no. Just a bit of nostalgia." he laughed. "No time to dwell. Chappy, if you would?"

Kazui's body skipped past them both with a smile on its face. The Artificial Soul took up its position behind Ichigo, and for some reason took the pose of a Sumo wrestler.

"Ready sir, hop!" it said, with a piercingly high tone of voice.

"Right, well, here goes." Ichigo tossed the soul candy in his mouth, and swallowed.

There was the familiar sense of falling into water, before his spirit body decided to follow the laws of spirit gravity and he stood tall in front of his son. He heard the sound of Chappy squeaking in effort. He turned to see Chappy hefting his snoring body by the shoulders.

"Dad, how does Kon remain asleep even when he's put in a new body? Aunt Rukia's Chappy always said it felt like getting splashed with cold water."

"Well, there are some mysteries we have yet to understand, such as the meaning of life and whether aliens exist. Kon's resilience in sleep is one such mystery that is better left to the doctors of the world to solve."

". . .But, dad you are a doc-"

"Just place Kon on that pile Chappy. Thanks." Ichigo took a moment checked his gear.

His one Zangetsu was mounted to his back, a expected. The shorter was at his hip. The white armor and cloak he had been given by the Royal Guard still fit like a glove, and they looked rather awesome in his opinion. He couldn't help but chuckle as he remembered all the Vandenreich and Captains looking at him in shock when he returned to Soul Society. The Royal Guard were. . .Quirky, but they could make an impressive set of armor.

Of course, nothing compared to Zangetsu, his lifelong comrade. Ichigo pulled the larger one from its cloth sheath, which unraveled and contracted into a manageable strip that hung from the handle. As usual he barely felt any weight from the weapon. He let it drift in a downward cut. He turned the blade so that it moved back up in another slash, smooth as ever. He felt at ease with the sword in hand, as if it was an extension of his arm, as it should be between Shinigami and Zanpakuto.

"Hey dad?" Kazui's voice came quiet, in awe. "Can I ask another question?"

"You can ask me as many questions as you want to. What's up?"

"Uh, well I heard Hat and Clogs once mention that your Zanpakuto was just one. And I heard from Uncle Renji that dual Zanpakuto's are really, really rare."

"You're wondering why I have two of them." Ichigo said, to which Kazui nodded.

"Well. I did have one when I started out. Then I lost it along with my powers, then it came back different. Then my bankai broke and I needed to get it fixed and I got two swords. Then the new Bankai got broke and I lost my powers again. Then at the end my bankai kind of reverted back to the original shikai, then I convinced a skinny creep to do me a favor and restore my old powers, and then-"

"I get it I get it." Kazui said. "Please dad you're hurting my head."

"Heh. Sorry son. I'll tell you the full story later."

"Much later please." Kazui joked. "So, what do we start with?"

"Meditation." Ichigo dropped to the ground, and crossed his legs to rest Zangetsu on them. He looked up, and Kazui clearly looked confused. But after a few seconds he came a bit closer and dropped to mirror his dad's posture. He drew his Zanpakuto and placed it on his lap. He looked ready, but letdown.

"Don't worry." Ichigo patted his shoulder. "We can probably do a bit of flash step training after lunch." That seemed to brighten his son's mood, judging from how he regained his posture from that slump.

"Now, what can you tell me about Zanpakuto?"

"Well I know Zanpakuto are given to Shinigami when they join the academy, and that they have to spend every moment with their swords in order to sort of imprint on them and form a bond."

"Very good. Do you know what we use them for?"

"We use them to fight and kill hollows, as well as sending souls to the afterlife."

"Good. What happens to a Hollow when we kill them with a Zanpakuto?"

To this Kazui opened his mouth, but no words came from his mouth.

"I. . .Uhh." he scratched his head. "I know this one. It's the. . ." he sighed.

"It's okay to say 'I don't know' if you want to. I barely knew anything when I started."

Kazui shrugged. "What does happen when we kill a hollow?"

"It's purified." he said. Kazui raised an eyebrow.

"When we kill a hollow, we cleanse it of the acts that it committed as a hollow. This purifies the hollow and reverts it to a Plus, and allows it to reincarnate in Soul Society, given a fresh start. We fight to protect others of course, but we also fight to purify the hollows of their misdeeds. Make sense?"

"I think so?" Kazui scratched his head, and to Ichigo looked thoroughly confused. "How do you mean we purify them of their misdeeds?"

"Well. . .Hmm. Ah, I got it. You remember that time you spilled food on your white t-shirt, and mom used bleach to clean it up?"

"Yeah. . ." Kazui nodded slowly. "Yeah I think I got it."

"Alright, explain it back to me."

"Well, when we kill a hollow we remove the stains on its soul, the sins it committed as a hollow. We wash it clean and allow it to pass on, free of sins." Kazui nodded. "So it does work like bleach."

"Pretty much. Well said. Think of it like bleach."

Kazui smiled, looking like Orihime.

"Now," Ichigo coughed. "we'll be learning how to talk to our Zanpakuto through meditation called Jinzen. This will let you get to know your Zanpakuto, which lets you eventually learn its name and form a relationship. Now be warned, they can be rather moody."

"How moody dad?"

"Well, they may try to kill you."

". . .What!?"


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note at the end.

* * *

Ichigo really hated Wednesdays. And he hated that whenever he said that to someone, he'd get the same responses.

Such as "Ah yeah I know what you mean. They're awful. Least they're not as bad as Mondays right?  
Or "On the upside its not Monday!"  
Or "I envy you, you must love Mondays."  
Or his favorite of all "Why would you hate Wednesdays? The week is half over!"

What nobody bothered to learn was that it was precisely because the week was half over that he hated Wednesdays. What was it they called it in America? Hump Day? When he first heard that, it sounded like a porn term. And according to Chizuru, there was some truth in that. If there was a God, or a Soul King up there, and he was merciful, Ichigo would never figure out the answer to that mystery.

But Mondays weren't bad. Sure waking up with work looming on the horizon wasn't exactly cheery, but it also brought the promise of a new week where anything could happen. Mondays were ripe with possibility, potential for the new!

Wednesdays were a placeholder. They did nothing but elongate the forty-hour work week that so many found themselves trapped in. Thursdays at least brought hope that tomorrow would end the week, and Fridays finally brought that end. Wednesdays brought no such joy, only another twenty-four hour stretch with nothing notable. And they brought pain. It was fast becoming some kind of cosmic joke that Wednesdays would drop some kind of world-ending disaster on Karakura Town. One Wednesday brought Ulquiorra and that nimrod Yammy, another had brought Grimmjow and his cronies, and yet another had brought Ririn.

So for Ichigo Wednesdays were not the best.

"Hey. Hey! Ichigo! Do you need some coffee?"

Ichigo felt two gentle hands rest on his shoulders. He felt hair strands touching his neck and head. He leaned back, and those hands wrapped around his head so that he rested on the chest of his wife. He sighed, feeling a smile forming. Whenever he felt stressed, or dying from blood loss as the case may be, being near her was like lying on a giant lawn in a summer afternoon. The warmth of it made the trials of the day just fade away.

"So this is how Kon feels." he said.

"Feels like what?" she asked.

"When he's eaten really good food. Of course. That was delicious."

"Thank you Ichigo." she placed a little kiss on his cheek. "But I know you meant something else you perv."

"Crap." he sighed. "What gave it away?"

"Well, two things. One is that Kon ha always been in love with. . .Ampleness in general. I don't think I've ever seen him near an ample woman and not gone crazy. Remember how he reacted when we got him back from Soul Society and he saw Karin?"

"I threatened to string him up by his wool innards." The memories came back to Ichigo. "Good times."

"And second," Orihime continued. "you just grinned like Kon does."

"I did?" Oh boy.

"You don't need to feel bad." As if to emphasize her point she hugged him closer and almost buried him in her assets. "We're not in highschool anymore!" she giggled. It was a sound that never failed to make Ichigo feel like a million bucks. She seemed to notice that, and planted another kiss, now on his lips.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" he said.

"Of course I am." she grinned, deceptively innocent. "and judging by it, you are too."

"Maybe a little bit." he lied. "This is heaven."

"My assets are heaven?"

". . .I. . . Uh. . ." This was like picking out dresses. "Well, yes, but not just that. I mean you are quite beautiful and everything, but it's a lot more than that. You're the breast. . .Best person. Just the best."

"I think I heard that as 'I love being in your company Orihime. You're the best.' Sound right?"

"Yes. That." Ichigo shook his head. "You know I would've thought that after fifteen years of this I wouldn't be falling for all your tricks. Am I still a teenager or are you pulling new stuff on me?"

"Yes in some areas, and just maybe I am. You'll never know. It is the mystery of women."

Ichigo rolled his eyes.

"You're so cute when you pout." She rested her head on top of his. "So what's up? You look tired."

Ichigo waved to the papers arranged on the kitchen table. "Just the usual stream of paperwork on a Wednesday. This fellow right here came in with a bruised shin from trying to grind down a spiral staircase. That one came in with one of the worst colds that I've ever seen. Parents here brought their child in because he said he was too sick for school and it turned out he had swallowed some play-doh. Oh, and these two thought it would be a great idea to try something they called a "double decker handstand."

Orihime looked at the last file. "What exactly is a double decker handstand?"

"I didn't know then, and I don't know now."

"Doesn't look like it ended well for them."

"No it did not. Kids today are trying the weirdest things."

Ichigo felt those chestnut eyes staring at him.

"What?" he asked. She said nothing. "Ugh. Yes I am aware that I used to kill hollows and raided two realms of the afterlife when we were in high school. That doesn't change that these two were idiots."

"True, true. Though wouldn't it be three? There was the time you raided hell."

"Oh yeah. Kind of forgot about that. Three realms."

Orihime pouted. "I didn't even get to see hell."

Figures that Orihime would be jealous over not being able to see Hell, of all things. She placed the paper back on the table, next to the other absurd accidents.

"Have you been having any trouble with treating these injuries?"

"No not really. It's all pretty simple. Most of the stuff I deal with takes a prescription and a quick look." Ichigo started putting the files back in the folders. He had done about as much as he could for tonight, and it'd take maybe half an hour tomorrow morning to wrap it up. He could afford some break time for tonight.

He reluctantly rose from his wife's embrace to pick up the folders. While Orihime returned to washing the dishes, he went to his filing cabinet. He pulled out the bottom drawer and opened the folder marked "Ridiculous A-G" and slid the double decker handstand file inside, along with the grinding spiral stair case fool. He slipped the play-doh case into the middle drawer to the "I" folder. He felt his shoulder's lighten with those files placed away, nice and organized. That left him the rest of the evening, free.

What could he get up to? Movie? Books? Jog? No, he didn't need to go for a jog, and besides going outside for a jog was just asking for something with gnashing teeth or a Zanpakuto to come crashing down on him. Sometimes it was both in the case of Grimmjow and Kenpachi. He didn't need the jog anyway. His "leg day" was not needed tonight.

He sincerely hoped that Chizuru was lying when she said leg day was also a porn thing. Crazy Americans.

He heard a yawn from the kitchen. Orihime was almost done with the dishes and had placed most of them on the drying rack. That was something he could do for now.

"Oh, oh Orihime let me take care of the rest." he came to her side and grabbed a small towel. But before he could pick up a mug, it was snatched from beneath his fingers by a hand-shaped blur. He realized, several seconds later, that the mug was already dried and in the rack. He hadn't even seen it.

"You're messing with me aren't you."

"Maybe." Orihime giggled.

"Can I help out?" he asked. "It doesn't seem fair to leave this stuff to you."

"I appreciate that you want to help," she said with a pat on his head. "but I'm good. I like doing it."

"You sure? I could put them away for you."

"It's alright, really. Besides it helps me unwind."

"Ah, long day at school?"

"Very long. You'd be amazed at how long it takes for some to trace a circle around a roll of tape, or figure out the difference between water and oil based paints. It takes forever." she groaned.

Ichigo nodded. "You'd think fifteen-year-olds could figure that out."

"You would think." she said. "It took almost the whole period for them." she chuckled. "You would not believe how Ms. Ochi reacted when I told her that. I thought she was going to cave in their heads with her textbooks!"

Ichigo paused as an image popped into his head. The image of Ms Ochi running around with a textbook raised overhead like a katana, chasing students around the building with bloodshot eyes while her victims screamed in terror.

He stifled a laugh in his throat. It made him sound like a snorting pig.  
Then it grew into a silent chuckle. He pursed his lips, his head shook with the laugh.  
Then he felt the pressure burst his lips apart and he bellowed the laughter forth.

When he finally regained his breath, and got up off the floor, Orihime was still laughing.

"You got the image too?"

"What image?" she managed through it. "You were being adorable!"

The rest of the cleaning passed uneventfully. Orihime cleaned and placed the remaining dishes, and Ichigo tried thrice before she convinced him to completely give it up and go watch the news, reality TV, cartoons, anything. He finally relented, and settled to watching something called "Spirit Hunters."

A few people would go into abandoned and decrepit buildings with cameras that nobody could hold steady and look for ghosts. Of course, whether there were any ghosts was part of the mystery.

"I can hear her. She's in this room!" The lady shrieked. The supposed psychic.

"We're here to talk!" The leader of the bunch, Kieth or something, was holding up a flashlight and waving it around the room for all he was worth.

Ichigo seriously doubted that there actually were any ghosts in those places. Well, that was being a bit unfair. There might in fact be some ghosts, or Hollows perhaps, in those buildings for all he knew. But from his experience, the spirits weren't exactly inclined to hang around a rotted building waiting for some idiot with camera and hairspray to come find them and relay their messages.

And if there were actually ghosts in those buildings, they'd be bound spirits – or more properly, Jibakurei – and at that point they'd be making themselves more than known to any humans that came inside. Any actual ghost would send these guys running to the hills. Ichigo almost hoped there was a Hollow to make them seek out new pants.

"Is it a good episode tonight dad?"

Ichigo flinched when he heard a voice to his right. Kazui was sitting in the arm chair next to the couch. He looked bored.

"Depends." he paused to regain composure. "Is your homework done?"

"Finished my history report, and I know what I'll be doing for an art project."

"What did you pick? That's a year-long project right?"

Ichigo felt his wife's hands on his shoulders again.

"Well, we decided on going to the park and taking photos of five different trees, once a week until the week before the project was due. Then we put them together into a collage and take a photo here and there of other plants. The idea is to show the passage of time between seasons."

Kazui nodded. "Oh, and we decided to have the photos get more and more gray as it got closer to winter, then when it starts getting closer to spring they'd regain the color slowly."

Ichigo was impressed. That did sound like a good idea, and Kazui's enthusiasm made him smile.

"That sounds great, will you be needing a ride to the park?"

"We can work something out. We picked Sundays to do them to avoid the crowds."

"Makes sense." Ichigo looked to Kazui. "What about your math homework?"

To this Kazui paused. "I got most of it, but there were a few problems I couldn't get."

"Mhm."

"But," he quickly added. "I called Ryuji, Yamato, and Miki. Nobody else could figure it out, so me and Miki decided to meet up during lunch and work on the problems together. Oh, we have math after lunch so that's why it works."

Ichigo looked to Orihime. He felt satisfied. She gave a slight nod, small enough so that Kazui couldn't figure out what they were deciding. Ichigo returned the nod, and then looked back at Kazui.

"Alright, sounds like you got everything in order. I'll just get some popcorn going."

"Ehhh." Orihime sounded concerned. "We're out of popcorn boys."

"What!?"

"When!? How!?"

Orihime coughed, and Ichigo noticed her eyes darting.

"Kon ate it."

Ichigo would've jumped through the roof if he didn't have to pay for damages. But that wouldn't solve the problem. Oh well, he could watch without some popcorn. It was nice to have but he would be alright without it. No big deal.

"Aww." Kazui slumped into his chair. "Crap."

"Language Kazui, please." Orihime said.

Kazui hardly seemed to register his mother's words, he looked so miserable.

Not on Ichigo's watch. No son of his would be miserable watching his favorite show!

"I'll be right back."He bolted up out of his seat before Orihime or Kazui could say anything. He flew up across the stairs, through the door into the master bedroom, and opened his nightstand drawer.

He felt around the contents of the drawer. Then his hands gripped around a familiar wooden object. He snatched it out. There it was, his old Substitute Shinigami badge, looking none the worse for wear. Perfect. With it in hand he zipped back down, where he saw Kazui and Orihime waiting for him.

"One sec." he skidded along the smooth kitchen floor until he came behind the couch. He vaulted over it to land snugly in the seats. He held out the badge. The eyes on the tiny skull glowed bright yellow, and he suddenly felt like he was being pulled through a giant mass of jello. He regained his orientation standing in front of the couch, where his now soulless body rested.

"Ichigo, what are you doing?" Orihime asked.

"The nearest grocery store closes at nine. It's now," he checked his watch. "eight forty five. Tonight's a back-to-back feature of Spirit Hunters. If I carry Kazui there while he's in his body, he can run inside, grab the popcorn, zip out, and then we can be back just before the next episode starts!"

"You're joking." she said with a roll of her eyes.

Several seconds passed.

"You're not joking." Orihime glared at him.

"No. Sound good Kazui?"

"Yep!" Kazui already took a bit of money from the wallet in Ichigo's left pocket. That raised the question of how the little Oni knew where he kept his wallet, but that could wait. They had popcorn to secure!

"Wait, what about this episode?" he asked.

"It was a rerun, but the next one is new."

"Sweet! Let's do this!" Kazui ran to get his shoes on.

While Kazui zipped upstairs, Orihime tapped Ichigo's shoulder.

"Ichigo?"

"Yes?"

"A quick word."

Ichigo suddenly felt like he was being watched, by a hawk overhead. His wife looked somehow different. Ichigo wasn't sure if he was dehydrated, but it looked like Orihime had grown a bit. Well, maybe a few dozen feet to be exact.  
In addition her contacts seemed to be a bit foggy, because he couldn't see her pupils or irises, just sclera that were contorted into gigantic, angry eyes.  
Her makeup didn't seem to be on point either. There was some kind of dark shadow from her forehead that wrapped around her eyes, and there seemed to be bulging veins on her forehead as well.  
Her teeth on the other hand were as white as a hollow mask, and in fact looked just as sharp as Kenpachi's nightmarish shikai.  
And to top it all off, the heater must have been broken again. What other explanation could there be for the sudden sensation of heat, as if he was standing in the middle of a raging inferno?

His legs didn't move. That was odd. He felt glued to the floor. Orihime didn't know any Kido, did she? She did have her Shun Shun Rikka magic, but she couldn't create a restriction field. How very odd. And there was the curious matter of why he felt like someone had slapped him on the forehead repeatedly with a soaking wet mop. He didn't remember that happening. His throat felt dry too.

While he was contemplating this, Orihime had at some point gripped him by the collar of his shihakusho and pulled him in. All he could see was those pure white disks staring at him like searchlights into his soul. There was nothing else in the world or his mind, only the eyes.

"Yes?" Ichigo's voice came out more like a squeak.

"I'm going to let you do this because I assume you're doing this for our son. But," she pulled on him more so that their noses were practically touching now. "if I find one scratch, one bruise, one scuffed joint on my little baby, you are going to be in trouble."

"H-how. . .How deep trouble, sweetie?"

"Bring him home hurt, and you'll find out." Ichigo heard a rumble in the Earth. "Got it?"

"Y-y-yes dear. Can we. . .Can we bring something back for you?"

". . ." Ichigo noticed an eyebrow twitching.

"Five boxes of strawberry pocky. Five boxes of green tea pocky. And an Its-It ice cream sandwich."

"What flavor honey?"

"Strawberry."

"Consider it run. I mean done."

"Uhh mom? Dad? Is something wrong?"

Suddenly color and light returned to Ichigo's vision. The world snapped back into place so that the dark void was no more, and he remembered where he was; in the living room in his Shinigami form with his body unconscious on the couch. What was he doing again?

"Mom stop," Kazui whined. "I can zip up my jacket myself. Dad, come on we've got to get going!"

Oh right! Pocky. Spirit Hunters. Popcorn. Pain. Scuffed Knees. Pocky.

"I'm coming ya little Oni." Ichigo said. Orihime opened the door for them, giving a little kiss to her son's head as he passed.

Just as Ichigo stepped out into the cold air he felt a planting of lips on his cheek. Orihime was there, smiling up at him with her hand on his shoulder.

"Remember Ichigo. Not a scratch." she said.

"Yes ma'am." He spun around and zipped at Kazui. He dropped to his knees so that Kazui could climb on his back, wrapping his legs around just above Ichigo's waste and his arms around his collar. Ichigo took his sons comparatively tiny hands into his own and stood to his full height.

He rotated his neck a few times and felt the satisfying cracks of his vertebrae, loosening the tension. Sadly that did nothing to lessen the tension in the air, which he could feel like reishi originating from his wife.

"Have fun you too. I'll have some soda ready for you guys."

"Thanks mom!"

"Be back soon honey!"

Ichigo bent his knees, and exhaled. He breathed in, and lept. He pushed off the ground. He briefly felt the air pressing down on him as he ascended higher and higher. When he exhaled he and his son were high above Karakura town, floating in place even though a stiff breeze rushed through the town.

"You good son?"

"Y-yeah," he stuttered. "I'm good. Totally good dad. You good? I'm good."

"Good. Let's get moving."

Ichigo rotated so that he was floating at a horizontal angle with his chest facing down towards the town. He bent his knees and put on a burst of speed, leaving no evidence that him and his son had ever been there aside from an insignificant puff of air.

* * *

Ichigo held his smaller Zanpakuto in one hand, and the Quincy Cross that Uryu had given him in the other. He glanced between the two. One the tool of a Shinigami that cleansed a hollow of its sins – as a hollow anyway, good riddance to Shrieker – and maintained the balance of the worlds. It cleansed souls by hacking the enemy into bits.  
The other was a tool of the Quincy that obliterated not just the Hollow but the soul as well, preventing reincarnation and creating an imbalance of souls. It destroyed souls by a comparatively humane method. Two polar opposites that still achieved the same end: killing Hollows.

On the surface the two were similar, Quincy and Shinigami. They both sought to kill hollows. But while Shinigami did so out of duty and protection, the Quincy of the past did so out of self-preservation. Both were understandable. Both weapons were elegant instruments of combat yet wielded for different goals. Which raised a question in his mind.

"Can't you two just cooperate already?"

He brought the sword and the Cross closer together. Nothing.  
He bumped the two together. Nothing.  
He tried pushing the gift into the rough guard area on the shorter sword. Jack all.

The Zanpakuto's silence said all that it needed to Ichigo. The sword wasn't interested in his obviously awesome plan, and the Cross wasn't going to be sharing its opinions anytime soon either. Stupid sentient sword and non-sentient bangle.

"You guys are so stubborn." he grumbled.

 _"You're one to talk, King."_ Zangetsu's surly voice echoed in Ichigo's mind _. "Which one of us tried hacking at a Menos, and I quote "like a tree until I could eventually whack him on the head?' Oh wait, its the one who somehow lived long enough to procreate!"_

"You're really mouthy for a sword." Ichigo said.

 _"And I could be a lot more stabby if you keep bumping that. . .Thing against me!"_

"Fine fine." Ichigo slid the smaller blade back into its sheath. The Cross hang loose from his right wrist, as shiny as the day he was given it. It looked even shinier in this alley that smelled strongly of. . . Ichigo really, really did not want to know. But this was the price to pay for culinary espionage.

He spun the Cross around his wrist, wrapping the chain around and around until the Cross slapped into the palm of his hand. It felt weird to be holding it, but also in a way, comforting. He had only seen one of these up close a few times before Uryu gave it to him, but for the past few years he had carried this thing with him at all times, even when he didn't use it. It was like there was something in his subconscious that wanted it with him. He clenched the Cross tight and brought it closer to his face.

If he drowned out all other distractions and just focused on the Cross, he could feel deep into the object. Feel its history and make. Every single nick on its surface. If he kept it up long enough and focused hard enough he could even feel the reishi of its original owner.

Kazui.

Wait, Kazui? What?

Ichigo blinked. The reishi wasn't from the Cross. But it was close. Kazui had completed the errand faster than he thought. Ichigo pulled the chain and Cross off of his wrist, and just as he heard footsteps coming around the corner, he stuffed the Cross deep into his pocket.

"Hey dad! I got the popcorn, pocky, and the Its It!"

"Excellent work son!" Ichigo took the obviously heavy bag from his tiny little arms.

"Why did we get those anyway?"

"Eh, your mom wanted some."

"Why?"

"Because she wanted some chocolate and ice cream."

Kazui paused. "Why? Was she hungry?"

"Because when a woman says she wants chocolate and/or ice cream, it's your solemn duty as a friend, boyfriend, husband, son, father, or cousin, to fetch it."

". . .Why?"

"One day there will come a day when you realize that, and on that day you will be grateful that I told you this."

Kazui looked thoroughly confused. "What if I forget?"

"Then the woman will remind you."

"Oh, well couldn't I just let them tell me in the first place?"

Ichigo sighed. "Well, it's your eardrums son. Come on-"

"You're in trouble with mom aren't you."

"No I'm not."

"You called mom 'honey.' You only call her that when you're in trouble."

Damn the little Oni, being so perceptive. Why couldn't he have inherited Dad's brain!?

"Another discussion for another time son. Come on, we've got five minutes till the episode starts."

With a hop, crouch, and a leap they were off in the night sky, soaring like eagles back home to warmth, soda, and bad TV. Ichigo felt a sigh of relief escape his lips when he pictured returning Kazui home safe and sound. Or, at least he thought he was.

"Son."

"Yeah dad?" Kazui shouted over the wind.

"This may sound odd, but did you trip on anything in the store?"

* * *

Author's Note: Wow, I did not expect so much reception for this. I was planning it as a one shot. But I've decided to turn this into a series of sorts. I'm not sure how often this will be updated what with classes coming up, but these are fun to write, so we'll see. Thanks to everyone who followed and favorited, and especially to those who left reviews!


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note at the end.

* * *

Another Saturday afternoon, another teaching session in an overgrown courtyard.

"Alright I think that's enough pushups for now. Take a breather." Ichigo rose, cracking his neck. "Ahh."

"Can. Can. Can I have water dad?" Kazui was lying on his back. His wheezes sounded like the last puffs of a car with an empty gas tanks. His chest rose and fell for dear life to sustain his lungs.

Ichigo snatched up the water bottle, one he had gotten from Uruhara specifically for this purpose. He crouched next to his son, and slid his hand underneath his head. He lifted up the head and the neck gently like Kazui was still a little baby. Although mercifully this time Kazui was unlikely to kick his face. No, there were no surprise bruises to his face this time. But there was the familiar sound of Kazui drinking from a bottle, gulp after gulp until he could gulp no more. He rose back up until he was sitting properly, and looked much more relaxed.

"Thanks dad."

"Of course." He shook the bottle again. "Wow, still full." Urahara hadn't lied about this thing.

"Are we, are we done with the physical exercises?"

"Just about, we've still got one more to do but I think we can take a break for now."

"Which one is that again?" Kazui asked.

"Climbing."

"Oh yeah. Why do I need to learn climbing again? Can't we just fly up?"

Ichigo shook his head. "Just because we can fly doesn't mean that climbing is useless. You'll never know if your in a situation where you'll need to start scurrying up a wall to escape an enemy, or so that you don't raise your reishi and get detected." he shrugged. "Plus its a nice workout and gives you a visible goal. Make sense?"

Kazui nodded.

"Good. Have a sandwich and then we'll do something from the book. Let's say. . .Hollow types."

"Can I wait until I regain the feeling in my legs? Please."

"You're not working your legs during push ups son."

"But I can't move." he whined. "I can see a light. Should I got to it? Cold. So cold."

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Let the smell of peanut putter guide you back home to the living."

"Mmm peanut butter."

"Come on ya little Oni, eat up."

It was no small source of amazement for Ichigo to see his son eating. Ever since he was a baby the little Oni had eaten food at a speed that apparently wasn't exactly common in babies, according to Dad anyway. He had taken to baby food like a fish took to water. He almost wasn't a baby at all, more like some kind of wood-chipper on tiny legs and with orange hair. Ichigo was actually afraid that his hollow side had been passed on to his son, he was so ferocious with food.

But no, it turned out that Kazui's inhuman appetite was all human, probably. He must have gotten it from Orihime, or possibly some ancestor of Orihime who was some cross between human, shark, and a bear. There were very few times when he didn't hork down whatever was placed in front of him, including sometimes Ichigo's own food, the little walking disaster area that he was. That ferocity had not lessened with age, and was in full effect right now. He wasn't even that tired, and Ichigo had cooked up a rather hearty breakfast that had left Orihime, Karin, and Yuzu with bloated stomachs and contented grins.

While Kazui had definitely enjoyed the meal and wasn't hungry, Ichigo suspected that his living wood-chipper son could've taken in at least two more servings and still have room for tea. Where exactly he put all that food was a mystery. Maybe he had a portal through the Dangai in his stomach, who knew. But whatever the reason, Kazui had essentially vaporized his sandwich before Ichigo was half-way through his own.

"Alright, let's look over Hollows." he said, chewing. "Name for me the classifications of the Hollows and a few details. Powers, appearance, whatever. This isn't anything graded, so take your time."

"Right." Kazui breathed slow. "Well I guess the first stage would be Demi Hollows, who are transitioning between plus and hollow. They can display powers but they're physically weak compared to their full forms."

Weak, except when they spat solidifying goop and attracted the attention of reality TV. Wahaha.

"Next are the hollows themselves."

"And why do we call them hollows?"

"Because they have wholes in their chest as a result of losing their hearts in despair."

"Rage, despair, hunger, take your pick. Go on."

"Right. Uh well these are the most varied and can display a wide array of abilities. They're the ones Shinigamis fight the most as they come to our world and Soul Society a lot."

"Does a Hollow's intellect increase as they get more powerful?" Ichigo asked, still chewing.

"Nope. As a Hollow most of them are mindless and act like animals, but there are some who can retain their memories and minds, which makes them more dangerous. But when they progress to the Gillian phase they do lose their minds. The Gillians are the first class, and the lowest, of Menos, and are the most common type of Menos."

"And what are some of their abilities?"

"Well they can do Cero, which is a big beam of firepower."

"Anything else they can do?"

"Uh. . . Not that I can think of?"

"Come on you can do it. Take a second and think."

"Uhm. I'm sorry dad I can't remember."

"Very well, keep going." Kazui forgot about a Menos's ability to travel between worlds, Kumon, and that stupidly strong power to rescue their allies, Negacion. But he could keep going, Ichigo would just wait until he was done.

"Oh and I forgot, a Gillian is formed when a Hollow's appetite isn't satisfied by human souls, so they start eating their brothers, I guess, until they balloon into a Gillian. At least, I think so?"

Besides if Ichigo kept interrupting he'd make Kazui nervous, and then he'd lose focus.

"Yup, they do. Good catch there." He needed to be encouraging. Firm but kind. "Now what comes next? You're on the right path with cannibalism."

"Oh, right! Next is the Adjuchas class. When one of the hollows that makes up a Gillian retains its identity, that Gillian can have a different mask and starts eating other hollows, even other Gillians. When it eats enough it can evolve into an Adjuchas, who can vary in appearance and ability similar to normal hollows, and retain their minds for the most part to different degrees. They need to keep eating other hollows to retain their mind and not revert to a Gillian. They'd have all the abilities of a Gillian."

Ichigo nodded. "Good, good. Also remember that one of them can be a challenge to a Captain, depending on power and abilities."

"Can they be a challenge to you?" Kazui asked.

"No."

"Really?"

"Yup. Took out, maybe a dozen with my Shikai."

"Wait how? I don't think that many Adjuchas would wonder out of their realm."

"It's a long story."

"Wait did you go to Hueco Mundo?"

"I said it's a long story. Keep going already."

"Oh. Okay. Well the final stage is the Vasto Lorde, when the hollow evolves into a humanoid that is the strongest of all of them. They're exceedingly rare, supposedly so rare they can be counted on your fingers." Kazui inhaled deep. "Alright I think that's everything. Right?"

"Mostly. You did miss two things regarding Menos powers."

"Shit." Kazui pouted, then sat up in alarm. "Wait, sorry, language."

Ichigo chuckled. "It's alright kid. You are forgiven." Kazui breathed a sigh of relief. "There are two more abilities of Gillians. Kumon, which looks like they're ripping the sky open and lets them travel between worlds. And then there's Negacion, where they cast a pillar of light to protect and evacuate their allies. Other than that you were spot on."

"I missed those? Shi- I mean. . .Shoot."

"Better. It's okay, really. You did well."

"But I forgot something incredibly important that could come in handy!"

"Then we can look over that stuff in official records to help you out. Don't worry Kazui. Unless someone is deliberately trying to lure in a Gillian you won't be seeing any." Like Uryu. "Like I said you can look stuff over later. You're dealing with school homework and this stuff far better than I did."

Kazui looked up from where he had buried his face in his hands. "I am?"

"Ohh yeah. I learned on the fly and had to deal with people just dumping info on me. I only memorized this stuff because at the time it was a life and death situation. We can take our time here. You can take your time." Ichigo put his hand on Kazui's shoulder to look him in the eyes. "It's okay to make mistakes. Besides look on the bright side, if you forget something here you won't get stabbed."

There was a stretch of silence.

"Thanks?" Kazui said. "I guess that is a positive?" He wasn't exactly sure how to take that one. Still it was better in Ichigo's mind than taking a sword through the gut. Or the shoulder. Sometimes both. Still maybe that hadn't been the best tactic.

"Here come on you did good. Give me five. Up high." Ichigo raised his hand. Kazui looked from the hand to him, then back again. He raised his hand and slapped Ichigo's with a smile.

"Down low." Kazui lowered his own hand, and Ichigo brought his own down with a loud slap. They shared a very serious nod of approval like they had just signed a blood oath. Ichigo hopped up from his bow-legged seat.

"Well I think that's it for the pop quiz."

"Actually dad I had a question about hollows."

"Shoot."

"Can they do a movement ability like a flash step?"

Ichigo felt a little grin coming to his lips. He picked up his bag, and slung it over one shoulder. Then he picked up Kazui's bag, holding it in his other hand.

"You mean a flash step like-" he kicked off the ground. Kazui, the ground, and the building around them became a serious of strikes in the air like paint running on a canvas, then he was at the top of the building. While Kazui looked around him with an open mouth, Ichigo sat down and secured a nice perch for himself. He coughed and spoke "-this?"

Kazui spun around and nearly lost his balance out of surprise. It took him a few seconds to get a good look at where his dad was, what with the sun. But he held his hand over his eyes to cast a shadow and saw him up there, at the top of an eight story building

"Holy shit dad!"

"Language." Ichigo called.

"Sorry!" Kazui shouted back. "Seriously how did you do that?"

"Practice, lots of practice."

" _That and unclogging the backed up s-bend that was your soul."_ Zangetsu said. _"Idiot."_

" _That's King to you Zangetsu."_ Ichigo thought back.

" _He is not really wrong about that Ichigo."_ The reverberating voice of The Old Man spoke up.

" _Don't you help him Old Man. Besides you were the one doing it to begin with."_

" _. . .You can be so hurtful sometimes Ichigo."_ Zangetsu sounded like he was sniffling. _"So hurtful."_

" _Way to go King, you're making him cry. Are you proud of yourself now?"_

" _I'm trying to train my son here! Both of you go in the corner!"_ Ichigo imagined a gigantic room with two stools, which Zangetsu and The Old Man were forced to sit with their heads resting against the walls with giant dunce caps of shame on their heads. Then he imagined the cap for The Old Man being slightly smaller. Zangetsu had started it anyway.

" _This is why we don't invite him to tea."_ Zangetsu mumbled.

Ichigo decided to focus on his son before Zangetsu goaded him into anything.

"To answer your question, no. Normal hollows don't have an ability like flash step. Not even Vasto Lorde can do it."

"Really? Huh."

"Yup. Now I'd like you to climb up here. No flash steps, no flying, but if you fall you can fly back to where you fell from. If you do fall I'll use a kido to catch you."

"Seriously? I have to go up that?"

"With the strength and agility from your Shinigami form it shouldn't be too dangerous."

"But dad."

Encouraging. Firm but kind.

Ichigo needed to ask himself; could Kazui do this?

"You can do this Kazui. I believe in you." Ichigo gave a thumbs up. "If you need to stop climbing and catch your breath, feel free. I'm not expecting perfection, I'm asking you to try."

Kazui stared up at him. Ichigo noticed that the quick rising and falling of his chest slowed when Ichigo had finished talking. Kazui's eyes then looked at the wall, with its numerous cracks and holds. He looked at the first floor in its entirety. Then the second. Ichigo could see his deceptively quick brain thinking, planning a route up to him.

"Okay." his voice quavered. "I think I got an idea."

"There you go. Take your time, I'll be right here the whole time."

"Okay." Kazui nodded. "Here goes nothing."

* * *

Nothing was quite so satisfying as a cold glass of water before bed. So refreshing.

"So?"

Ichigo took one last gulp and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "Huh?"

"So how did he do with the climbing?"

"Ohhh. He did good. Really good. For the first floor or so he was really hesitant, but he went up quickly after the first few secure holds he found. I think he was unsure of how strong and fast his Shinigami form made him, so getting a handle on that was the major obstacle."

"Did you have that same kind of trouble when you started out?"

"Not so much. I mean, I had to go all-out pretty much from the start to kill Hollows, then I'd go straight back to my human form, so I never really took the time to learn it all. Kazui's learning it pretty fast though. You should've seen his grin when he got up, I mean he was just ecstatic with it. Here," Ichigo picked up his phone, and scrolled to his photos. "look at the face!"

Like a cat with catnip, Orihime snatched the phone out of Ichigo's hand with wide eyes. Her eyes fell on the phone, and in that moment her soul melted. Her mouth slowly turned into a perfect curve. Her eyes gained a shimmer, and in the corners there were little pockets of tears that were beginning to slide down her cheeks. It was another one of her divide by zero errors.

"Can you send me this Ichigo? I really want it as a screen saver." she sniffed. "You're both so cute."

She made a sound like a cat whining, and Ichigo's own vision was blurred with a mixture of joy and moisture. Ichigo's arms, and consequently the rest of him, shot out and flew at his wife. He slammed into her and picked her off the bed.

"How are you so adorable!?" he cried.

"I don't know!" she replied. "But our little Oni picked it up! Whenever I see him smile I just bawl!"

"And whenever I see you smile I bawl too!"

"We're both doomed to a life of bawling Ichigo!"

"Oh god you're right! We're screwed!"

"We are, we so are!"

They remained like that, stuck in a loop between adoration for their sons adorableness, and repeated mental collapses into barely literate blubbering.

" _I hate this."_ Zangetsu grumbled.

" _You hate everything."_

" _Shut up Old Man."_

* * *

The world was blue.

And it was on its side. Everything was sideways. All the buildings were floors and the sidewalk was a wall that he couldn't even see from up here. Or was it over here. Or down here. Or upside in? Inside out? How exactly was this whole place structured anyway?

He didn't care. It was peaceful. There was a nice breeze from the upside down north west. He noticed that the clouds were especially nice today in here. One of them looked like a giant cartoon rabbit. Another one looked like a turtle duck. And a third seemed to resemble some kind of. . .Sushi roll?

"Hey Old Man, what does that cloud look like to you?"

"I say it looks like a giant smiley face on a hammer." he said.

"Really? I was thinking of some kind of melted sushi roll."

"I suppose that can be seen as well. Zangetsu, what do you think it is?"

"Oh don't ask him!"

"I say it looks like a giant throbbing d-"

"Thank you Zangetsu," Old Man sighed. "thank you for sharing, that'll be enough."

"You guys suck. Why can't we do something I like?" he whined. I

chigo looked behind him. Which was technically up, yet in some ways was down. Or even sideways.

"Because all you want to do is fight." he said.

"I thought you liked fighting, King."

"I do! But does it have to be all we do? Why can't we just relax for once and watch the clouds?'

"You do realize those clouds are just the thoughts of your subconscious right? That cartoon rabbit is just Chappy. You've been thinking about that a lot because you're considering getting one for yourself because Kon has been so difficult whenever you use him."

"Huh. That's actually completely correct Zangetsu. Who would've thought. Wait, so do you know whether that one is a smiley face on a hammer or a melted sushi roll?"

"Who gives a flying f-"

"Language!" Ichigo shouted. "Well at least I know where Kazui gets it from."

Ichigo felt a tap on his shoulder, from The Old Man. "What?" he asked.

'That is incorrect. He actually gets it from your father. As far as I could tell."

"Really?"

"Indeed." Old Man said. "We have both existed in your mind since the moment you were born, and we retained our minds from the start. I remember your father's. . .Unique dialect quite clearly. He would stumble a lot and get hurt, resulting in colorful metaphors that you thankfully couldn't understand, though you did seem to laugh at a lot of his fumbles."

"Hell you even started causing him pain," Zangetsu added. "Like kicking him in the face for giggles. It seemed to annoy him at first, but he saw how much it made you laugh when he was over the top and bumbling. He started doing it deliberately after that to make you and those sisters laugh."

"He did?" Ichigo felt a smile coming on. "Sounds like something he'd do."

"Come Zangetsu. Try to enjoy this with us, you may have fun." Old Man beckoned the zanpakuto.

"Ugh, fine." Zangetsu strolled to near Ichigo, grumbling the whole time about how he never wanted a sap for a master, nor a wimpy Quincy manifestation as a roommate. Still, he laid down on the ground-wall-ceiling and joined them. It was about the most progress they could be expected to make tonight.

"Okay to start off with, what does that look like?" Ichigo asked. "I'd say a donut."

"I was about to say it looks like a giant tire." Old Man said.

"I can see it." Ichigo said. "How about you Zangetsu?"

The spirit looked long and hard at the cloud, looking rather calm for once in his life.

"C.D." he shrugged.

"Wait, no you had something else." Ichigo said. "Then you dropped it and chose CD. Come on."

Zangetsu chuckled that sinister chuckle of his, gnashing his teeth at the same time.

"Take a guess. Look really hard." He drew out "really" with a smirk.

"Ugh," Old Man sighed. "I see it."

"I really don't want to know do I." Ichigo said.

"Let's just say this; you definitely get your perverted side from Zangetsu."

Ichigo groaned. It figured that he got his more base impulses from a Zanpakuto/hollow of all things. So much for group bonding time.

"Zangetsu, you are officially banned from all cloud-watching activities."

"Seconded." Old Man said, wasting no time in saying so.

"Aw come on guys let me try one more. I say something perverted, I'll leave right now."

"Fine, just get it out already. What is it you see?" If this was perverted, Zangetsu was going in the box.

"I see King's Substitute Shinigami Badge."

"Haha very funny. . . Wait what?"

Ichigo's ears were suddenly hit with the sound that was a combination between an alarm clock and nails on a chalkboard, with a side order of three cats wailing in his ear. Suddenly he was wrenched up, down, and out of his mental cloud gazing, and he realized where he really was.

He was in his bed at home, where it was ten at night. Orihime was right next him, and judging from how she was moving now, she had heard it too. She was already grabbing her own soul candy from the nighstand.

Ichigo meanwhile snatched up the combat pass, and with a focus of his reishi, his spiritual body shot out of his living body. He stood at the foot of the bed, ready with his swords and his Cross. Orihime was likewise standing in her spirit form, sporting her own outfit.

"Hope this one is a slow Hollow. This stuff is. . .Wait what did Urahara call it?:

"I think it was 'steel god cloth,' or something. Is it too loose?"

"No, its too tight."

"It is? Where? I thought we got your exact measurements."

"Guess where it feels tight." Ichigo did not need to say it. "Yup."

"I'll swing by Urahara's to get it checked out tomorrow." Ichigo pulled out a box under the bed, where he picked up two small flat rods that were the color of silver. He slipped one into a small slot on his belt, then tossed the other one to Orihime.

"Think you'll really need one of these?" She asked.

"Can't be too prepared, that's what Urahara says. Come on, let's move."

"Right."

Ichigo unlocked and slid open the window, and gestured Orihime to lead. She gave a little curtsey before she hopped out. Ichigo stepped onto the bed and slipped through the open window. He slid it just closed enough so that they could get back inside.

"Alright," Ichigo set off in a run, and Orihime followed close behind. "It's a few blocks that way. Once we locate the hollow I'll engage and draw it away."

"Got it. I'll get the Plus to safety. Do you think you'll need support for this one?"

"Nah. Shouldn't be too troublesome. Feels like just a normal hollow."

"Good." Orihime paused as they lept over the street onto the other side. "Guess it's a date night."

* * *

Yo.

So I have decided to open up the story to questions from the readers, aka you guys. Feel free to PM me questions about the story, my thoughts on Bleach's ending or other elements. I'll try to answer them all, but nothing I can promise just yet. If you do not want me to include your name in the question I can leave it out and put something like Anon or William Shakespeare or Yahtzee Godzilla Croshaw.

TL;DR: PM questions, get them answered in next chapter. Nicknames?


	4. Chapter 4

There was that feeling in the air, a kind of cold tension. It was similar to the feeling one got when it felt like there was someone or something watching from the shadows. Most people in Karakura Town ignored it or thought of it as simple paranoia. Some attributed it to the late night fog, or a lack of sleep.

But a few knew better. Those who were odd, too curious, or possessed of an supernatural nature could tell what was the source of this tension, this unease.

A hollow was near, and it was hungry.

* * *

There was one street of the town where a few notable things had happened over the years. It was a quiet street, like most, but it had its moments. There was the time when Spirit Hunters had come here for shooting an episode. That time there had been a small crowd gathered just out of the camera's view. The bench in the town was practically treated like a historical monument, it even had a plaque on it where families had taken group photos,

There was also the time when the Ichiraku Ramen store had opened up, to much public excitement. Nowadays its popularity was less, but it was still a frequent stop for those looking for good food at a low price, and sometimes cheap sake. This place had not been frequented by the Kurosaki's, due to Isshin and Ichigo being banned for their involvement in the the March Saki Skirmish.

And there was the time when a Kuchiki had returned to the town, and shown the power of the most beautiful Zanpakuto in all of Soul Society. People in Karakura Town did not talk about this incident, because most of them had been asleep, and they wouldn't have been able to see it anyway.  
But, a few children on the way home from school did remember a day when the street here was incredibly slippery. They made a game of it for half an hour before they realized their parents would be worried and ran home.

Now it was the street through which a husband, a wife, and their children were walking.  
The husband was leading them, followed by the wife. He carried one of their kids on his shoulders, while the older one, a girl, held the mother's hand and followed close behind.  
The father gestured the mother to follow, quietly. They crept from one side of the street to the next, where the ramen shop was. The father recognized it very well. He and a few of his friends had frequented it in the past, so it stood out. He only hoped that someone in there would be awake.

He knocked on the door. "Hello?"

Silence.

"Hello?" he knocked again. "I'm sorry to bother but we need help!"

Still there was nothing.

The husband now felt mad, and desperate. He pounded on the door. "Hey! Open up we need help!"

"Dad I don't think anyone's in there!" the boy shouted to match the volume. "Hello?"

"Both of you!" the mouthed shouted. The husband and son stopped, slightly out of breath. "Hanzo, there's nobody here. They must not be home."

"Well then why hasn't anyone else on this block come outside? We've been screaming our lungs out!"

"I don't know! I don't know!" she said. "I don't know what's going on here!"

"Mommy?" the little girl tugged at her mother's sleeve.

"Not now Mei!"

"I can hear something coming."

"Mei, there's nothing coming, you're just hearing things." the mother repeated.

* * *

Thirteen blocks away, a stone bench was knocked aside despite the bolts in its legs. It flew up and over a house and crashed down through the roof. A lamp post was swatted, bent in half.

* * *

"But mom its getting louder!"

"There's nothing there Mei!"

"Wait," the dad said. "I can hear it too."

* * *

Seven blocks away, several cars were knocked on their sides, and one on its back. Every single one started blaring their alarms, and a traffic light was knocked clean off its post like a ripe apple plucked off a spindly branch. It spun in the air dozens of times before it slammed into the ground.

* * *

"What is that?" Hanzo wondered.

"What is what?" the mother said. "Come on we're not getting any luck here we should-"

"You should all stay." The ground beneath the family's ground shook, and a deep, growling voice echoed through the street. The ground shook again, causing the lights in a nearby street light to flicker.

The entire family whipped around. The voice had come from behind them, just around the corner.

Then they had to look up.

From behind the fog, there was a great shape that cast a shadow. The moon was right behind the shape, and its pale silver light made it even harder to see its features in the night. The only thing they could see were little blood red eyes. The shadow it cast stretched from the roof of the house on the corner, past the famous bench and across the street, and ended at the family's feet by mere centimeters. It was wide as well, stretching from rooftop to rooftop.

"Dad. . .What is that?" Mei clung to her mother's dress.

"What am I little girl?" it spoke in a voice like stone grinding on stone. Its breath sounded like it was breathing though a gas mask. "I am a cook." It stepped forward, and the ground shook again. The son noticed that the step left a giant indent in the street, but it looked like a giant hand.

"I cook food. I," it emitted a sound like a wheezy breath. "roast it to perfection, and then I serve it to my guests, my brothers." it groaned. "But I haven't been able to cook anything juicy for a while now." Another step shook the ground. The entire family saw it this time. But this didn't look like a foot. It was a fist, the size of a truck.

The creature lumbered around the corner, step after loud step. Its fists were black as charcoal, but the mother could see bits of gray streaks on what looked like spiked knuckles, streaks that stretched up, past impossibly wide arms. The arms looked disgusting and uneven. There was black fur, but only in places. Most of the arms looked like they were burnt, with exposed, chipped flesh that was muddy red.

Its legs were thick but shorter than the arms. Its feet had the same black color, but there were no gray streaks on its legs, just slicked, oily fur that spiked out like greasy hair.

"Until I smelled some morsels running around.." it growled. "And I haven't eaten in so long. Eating my own kind lacks the flavor that you have. I was going to bring you to the others. But I'm going to have you all to myself"

It stepped into the dull light of the street lamps, revealing its face as that of a giant, pearly white mask. The mask had giant, perfectly triangular teeth, which were surrounded by black flame markings, as were its red eyes. On its forehead were two large horns that curved upwards and were highlighted by the moon's glow. The creature was trained on the family with its red eyes wide with hunger, and its teeth contorted into a grin.

"I'm going to savor burning you all to a crisp." It breathed in with a heavy wheeze.

The father had been in enough fights to know what was coming. He grabbed his wife's hand, while the sun hung on for dear life. The father ran, taking his wife, and their daughter with him.

The creature slammed its hands down, and opened its mouth to regurgitate a ball of flames that crashed into the ramen store and the nearby sidewalk. The family had only just avoided the blast, but bits of wood and concrete topped with embers rained down on them.

The father ran towards a nearby pickup truck, the closest thing they had to cover. He took his wife and children behind it. He lifted his son up off his shoulders and placed him next to his mother.

"Dad, what are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm going to try leading that thing away from you."

"What!? Hanzo you'll be killed!" the wife shrieked.

"We don't have time to argue, stay here. Once it starts following me just run. Hide anywhere you can!"

The father ran out from behind the truck, briefly dropping low to pick up a chip of concrete. The piece weighed about as much as a standard frag grenade to him. He trained his sights on the creature's head. He skid to a stop, and threw with all his might, sending the piece flying.

Its brittle form left a trail of faint smoke and concrete dust in a perfect arc that saw it collide with the creature's face. The piece shattered on impact, and left only bits of dust. Hanzo gulped, and reminded himself that this thing was definitely not something he could handle. He didn't have his sidearm, somehow, and so that left him with one option; be interesting.

"Hey, overgrown chimp! Don't you want to work for your food?"

The creature looked at him. Hanzo felt a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Come on you ugly mug, I'm the biggest morsel here!"

There was a deep sound from the creature, like the rapid pumping of old bellows.

"Oh, I'm going to enjoy hearing your skin crackle." It breathed again.

Hanzo bent his knees. If he could move fast enough he'd be okay. Whatever this thing shot, it was something he could avoid as long as he never took his attention of it. He had to focus, no distractions. He couldn't worry about his family. He had to focus on the enemy. That's all this was, an enemy.

The creature slammed its hands down and breathed out a wide stream of flames. It stretched across almost the entire street, leaving Hanzo nowhere he could run. He raised his arms even though he knew it wouldn't help him any. He felt the heat rushing towards him.

"Santen Kesshun."

Suddenly a clear, calm voiced echoed. The heat washed over Hanzo, but he didn't feel the flames touch him. There was heat all around him, but not on him. He could see the flames flowing past him, but they didn't touch him. The air in front of him was bright orange, but not from the fire, it was a steady glow.

While fires lashed at the air and the ground, they were parted around him, by what looked like some kind of floating fires died down in the street, leaving just the lamp light to reveal that, yes, Hanzo had been saved from immolation by a floating orange triangle. The object simply floated there, until it suddenly vanished, or rather retracted into three small balls of light. The lights spun around him, almost like the dragonflies he had seen while camping, before they zipped away, going up and up to a nearby rooftop.

On that rooftop stood a woman, with long light brown hair, wearing a white jacket, pants, and some kind of button-up vest. The three lights flew around her head, before they went out and blended in with the night. Her gaze was focused on Hanzo, those giant brown eyes shining. She waved a hand and gave a little wave and smile.

"Never fear citizens! Evil's bane has come to destroy the enemy with style and grace! The cavalry is here!" she made a pose as if she was a comic book superhero.

"Orihime," suddenly a voice from the truck suddenly spoke. "you really need to shorten that."

Hanzo turned, and his family looked up, to see a man standing on the roof of the truck, wearing what looked like to Hanzo a combination of black kendo training gear, a trench coat, and bits of samurai armor. On his hip there was a giant sheath holding some kind of oversized trench knife.

"Never!" the woman shouted.

The man rolled his eyes. "Anyway, yo!" he shouted. "Get off the street! I'll handle this."

The ground shook, and the creature roared. The sound shook the windows of the street, and forced Hanzo and his family to cover their ears.

"Shinigami!" it roared.

"Sup." the man shouted back over the noise.

"Your kind aren't fit to eat," it growled. "so I'll just burn you alive." The creature breathed again. This time Hanzo could feel a soft breeze around him, a light pull that centered around the creature's mouth. Then, he saw a red light out of the corner of his eye, a light that came from the man's palm.

"Hado Number Thirty-One. Shakkaho." The red light shot from his hand like a cannon shot, and like a cannonball it slammed into the creature's face. The red ball exploded in a bright crimson flash that was deafening. The creature was struck like it had been punched in the jaw with a wild haymaker, stumbling back with a pained roar and crunching more of the street. While it was regaining its footing, the woman dropped down from the roof.

Well, more like floated down.

"I'll get them out of the way." she said.

"I'll handle the overgrown Chimchar." the man said.

"I think it looked more like an Infernape."

"Uhm," Hanzo said. "Who the hell are you guys?"

"I'm a Grimm Reaper." the man said. "Hey didn't we meet when Spirit Hunters was shooting here? You were the guy with your son on your shoulders. Hanzo right?"

"Ichigo we can talk about this later." the woman said,and grabbed Hanzo's shoulder. "Here, follow me. We'll get you and your family out of the way."

* * *

Ichigo looked behind him, watching as Orihime took that familiar fellow with her. She said something to the people who had been hiding behind the truck, and the mother and their two children quickly followed behind the man. What was his name? Henzo? Whatever.  
In the meantime he had a giant Hollow he needed to kill, and kill fast lest it wreck up the place. He hopped up, landing on a street light, bending it slightly with his landing.

The Hollow had been definitely rattled by the Hado to the face, but not so much that its mask wasn't broken. Judging from its spiritual pressure and ridiculous build, this Hollow had some respectable endurance that extended even to its mask. And it was armed to the teeth. Sort of.

He could see the spiked knuckles. Those might be risky, but he could remove that danger. The fists were arguably a bigger problem They were oddly large, and looked heavy, so those would be something he'd need to look out for. But then again they looked so heavy that Hollow seemed to be having trouble moving them. Maybe he could use that.  
The fire breath presented a big danger to their surroundings, and there was no guarantee that this thing could only breath fire. He needed to be quick and clean, so the name of the game was minimize damage, and lost lives. Sadly this thing didn't look airworthy, so he couldn't fight in the sky like so many times before. Old-fashioned way it was. First priority was getting this guy out into a wider area. And for that he needed to hit it. Hard.

The pickup truck might be perfect for that. But he needed to hurry, the beast was almost up.

Ichigo drew his larger sword by a bit of dangling cloth, and flung it straight through the truck. The blade cleaved through the roof and the driver's seat, sending bits of metal chips around and cracking the windshield. That done he wrapped the cloth around his forearm several times.

The Hollow had been too distracted by the pain of the Kido. On the upside this meant that Orihime, judging from her spiritual pressure, had moved the family safely away. On the downside that meant the overgrown Chimchar was now solely focused on him, with its pungent breath and its face. Oh dear God the face. It was only from here could Ichigo take in how hideous this thing really was.

"Damn. You're ugly." he shuddered. "I almost feel bad for you."

"That will be the last mistake you make," The hollow raised its enormous fists. "Shinigami!"

Ichigo gripped the cloth with both hands, and pulled. The truck felt like a pillow to him as he brought up, and swung it down right onto the Hollow's fists.

"Do you really think that would-" The Hollow's words were cut off when it took a step back. Just like Ichigo had thought, the Hollow hadn't been able to follow the attack, and was knocked off-balance by the light but unexpected strike. The fists were so damn heavy that the Hollow needed to carefully move them to not hurt itself. With those spikes it might even be capable of killing itself.

But while the creature was stumbling back, the car stumbled off of its giant knuckle perch, looking like it had been put through a trash compacter, then pulled out before it was finished.  
Ichigo retracted Zangetsu, taking a small chunk of former car with the blade. With that final pull the car gently spun as it fell.

Then Ichigo bolted from the lamppost with a flash step, stuck out his legs midair, and smashed the car into the Hollow's mask. The metal bent and groaned around Ichigo's feet as it hit. The rear bumper, by now a mangled piece of metal, was snapped off when its foundations were pulverized underfoot. The front bumper was also knocked off, but Ichigo snatched it from the air before it flew into the window of a house.

The concentrated impact sent the great Hollow rolling across the rest of the street. Lampposts were snapped like twigs or were bent in half when its arms struck them before it rolled out into the open.

Ichigo landed on another lamppost, front bumper in hand. the bumper didn't have much use, so he tossed it to the ground. This was a much better spot. Two three lane one-way roads with no cars in sight. Plenty of space to kick its butt. . .If it had a butt to kick.  
It certainly had a mask he could kick, and kick repeatedly. A Kido and a car to the mask backed up by his own legs, and the thing only had a crack between the horns. The creature was definitely pissed now judging by how it growled.

"You, you're a feisty one." it said. "If all Shinigami are like you, I'm going to enjoy the screams."

"Is that all that people are to you? Food?" Ichigo sighed. "You used to be a human you know."

"I do know, and I loathed it." it wheezed. "Everyone looked down on me, mocked me as a chef, ridiculed my ideas. I was to be one of the greats." Its giant knuckles cracked when they hit the street.

"So what happened? Slip on a wet floor, used too much hot sauce?" He glanced at the arms, a weak spot anywhere would end this faster. The elbow joint was a good spot to hit. Damage that and he'd take out the arm for anything coordinated.

"I was killed in a car crash!" It snarled. "Arranged by my jealous co-workers to keep me out of the way of their success! But I had the last laugh when I ate their screaming, whimpering forms!" The Hollow looked like it was savoring those words.

"Alright, I've lost all sympathy."

Ichigo pulled out his shorter sword by his index finger. He spun it around, caught it with the rest of his hand, and threw it at the elbow joint. His aim was true and delivered the sword through the burnt flesh like a hot knife through butter. The Hollow roared in pain, slumping at the wounded joint. Judging from the size of its hands, the Hollow wouldn't be able to remove it quick enough right now, which left Ichigo with a perfect window of attack.

He shot off the lamppost with another flashstep, Zangetsu in hand, He held the sword low so that it was poised for an upward cut through the neck, one of the universal weak spots.

"Fool!" the Hollow shouted. The other elbow suddenly was wreathed in flames that shot out like a jet engine. The sheer thrust of them upturned the ground behind its arm, and launched the fist in a sharp turn.  
Ichigo estimated the turn. It was going to hit him right in the rib cage. He had already launched himself at the Hollow's head. He couldn't make a turn in time.

"Santen Kesshun."

The protective shield of Orihime's magic popped in front of Ichigo. The hollow's fist hit it, but the shield was not moved an inch by the strike. However, the jet-force flames were not deterred, they burst on the impact. Flames and smoke rushed over Ichigo, obscuring his vision in all directions. He couldn't even see where the Hollow's neck was. But he could feel where the smaller Zangetsu was, exactly where he had thrown it into the arm of the Hollow. From that he guessed where the arm was. It was probably still just below him. He had Zangetsu ready for an upward slash and it wouldn't be hard at all to switch it up in under a second. He decided to try it.

Refocusing, he spun into an aileron roll that send him to the right and parting the smoke as he passed. The arm would be just below him. Right. About. Now!

He swung down. Just when he thought he had missed, he heard the sound of slicing through flesh. He couldn't feel it though. He usually couldn't feel much of anything when cutting through normal Hollows. Zangetsu seemed to just pass through them without any effort. Maybe that was how Kenpachi felt in fights.  
But regardless, the sound of metal through flesh confirmed that he had landed a hit. The following sound of presumably blood splashing on the ground also helped. He had struck the Hollow, but how deep the wound had been he didn't know.

He passed through the last few feet of smoke and decided he needed to reposition himself. He spun forward in a flip whilst performing a one hundred and eighty degree rotation so that he would be facing the Hollow. He landed on the ground and felt the ground buckle and crunch as he ground to a halt. He looked at where the Hollow was, but there was still a large cloud of smoke so he couldn't tell what damage he had done. But judging from the creature's pained groans, it had been a nasty cut.

Ichigo looked at Zangetsu.

"Wow." he muttered. The blade had blood on it almost down to the hilt. If he hadn't sliced off the limb he had cut through most of it. Unfortunately that meant his sword was now covered in blood. Lovely.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a white shape, and looked up to see that Orihime was standing near the lamppost he had been using. She must have put the family in a safe location.

Ichigo decided that it would be best to be near her, and so then he was there, landing softly on the ground just behind her.

"You enjoy flash steps far more than you should." she said.

"You're just jealous because you can't do it." he replied. While he strolled up to her side, he tightened his grip on Zangetsu's hilt and willed it to summon the flame of Getsuga Tenshou. Responding to his will the blade ignited itself with a puff of ebony fire. Ichigo had to draw his head back slightly, for while the flames weren't really bright, they could be damn hot and dangerous, even to him. Especially if Zangetsu was feeling like one of his "jokes."

"So what kind of Hollow do we have here?" she asked.

"One tough son of a bitch that's for sure. Shakkaho and a car to the mask, nothing but a cracked horn. He's got those two fire abilities but he might have more, I'm not sure. I can cut through him easily enough though, so if we're quick enough we can take him down before he wrecks this place any more."

"Sounds like a plan, I'm thinking you charge him. I'll be ready to shield you if he tries something so you can get in to slice his head off."

Ichigo gave an affirming grunt, but he didn't want to go ahead just yet.

"Something's odd here."

"How do you mean?"

"I'm not sure. Does this guy feel odd to you?" he asked. Orihime looked at the Hollow.

"Not really. Feels like a normal Hollow. He can't be an Arrancar of course."

"Well of course." Ichigo shrugged. "It's probably nothing. I'm just being high-strung." Then he groaned. "Oh I hope this isn't how Kenpachi feels. I don't want to be like Kenpachi."

"You're fine, just as long as you don't mount any bells to your hair." she said. Ichigo shuddered.

"Yeah, no. Anyway, I like the plan. Though I think I'll need Koten Kesshun to run interference, strike the arms, focus on the knuckles if you can. Once I'm in close enough pull them all back and I'll handle it from there. Oh, one second." Ichigo held out his hand.

"Get over here, Old Man."

" _On my way."_

Through the now mostly gone smoke shot a small black shape, point first. Ichigo snatched it out of the air and heard that oddly pleasing metallic note the swords always made since they had been forged. He raised the blade, and reached for the larger one. Then he noticed a large chunk of Hollow on the blade.

 _"King, I guess you could say he really had guts."_

"Ichigo, why is there a piece of the Hollow on your sword?"

 _"Get it King?"_

 _"Please just get this piece off of me. It smells like rotting meat."_ Old Man groaned. Ichigo obliged him by wiping off the piece with his hand, then willed the blade to do a similar puff of flame to cleanse itself.

"Apparently it was an accident." he replied. He drew his other sword, and spun them both three times. His neck also felt a bit stiff, so he cracked it before he then bent his knees. He was good to go.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yup. Lets check out the the river after this okay?"

"Don't you have work tomorrow?"

"It's a holiday."

"Oh yeah.."

With that he bolted, feeling the ground crunch with his burst of speed until he was gliding over the street and racing straight at the Hollow.

Then he realized that was a bad idea considering that it could breathe fire. So he dashed to the side, then to the other side, then back and forth. Channeling the ice-skating classes he had taken with Rukia several years ago, he slid from side to side at the Hollow

Said Hollow was not only having trouble following his movements, but was also missing most of an arm, which was hanging by a last chunk of flesh. The Hollow ripped off what was left of its arm, then threw it at Ichigo. Before Ichigo could even raise his sword, a bright orange light zipped past his head. Two long wings flapped out from the light as it took a vertical angle. The light passed through the flesh, dividing it into two large chunks that tumbled past him uselessly.

"Die!" the hollow roared. It raised its hand, and opened the palm. A spark appeared in its hand that ignited a great roaring flame. Ichigo to close the remaining gap and kill it before it destroyed the place.

He put on more speed and sheathed his smaller sword to raise an open palm.

"Sho. Sho. Sho." Multiple blows struck the Hollow's palm. Each one disrupted its aim, knocking it higher and higher. The Hollow likely needed prep time and stability for it to be effective. He was proved correct when the Hollow's flame seemed to fluctuate like some king of orb of liquid, stretching and bending in its palm. While this was happening, Koten Kesshun kept by his head, moving somewhat like a bird with its wings extended.

The Hollow suddenly slammed its hand into the ground, crunching it. But the flame was still glowing through the cracks. Ichigo drew his shorter sword again. This Hollow had a plan. He wasn't attacking though. With the thrust from those arm fires, the Hollow might be able to launch itself by blasting them from its hands  
The fires beneath its hand had started expanding the cracks it had made. The glow grew, until the flames burst with an all-encompassing roar of fire. The cracks expanded and the pavement was upturned in a wave, as if the Hollow had thrown a boulder into a puddle.  
Ichigo hopped over the concrete wave, passing over it harmlessly heading at the Hollow. He swung with both blades in a horizontal cut aimed at the wrist, but he was knocked back when the flames put on another burst. The shockwave sent him back several dozen feet before he came to a halt.

The fire from the Hollow's hand fired like a jet engine, and launched the it back up into the air. The jet then started moving, turning up and angling so that it was coming straight at Ichigo. Senten Kesshun was already up and in front of Ichigo, blocking the deafening flames that came at him.

Now he just had to get past the fires. Easy enough.

But then the fires stopped. A few puffs and sparks fluttered past the shield, and there was a hell of a lot of smoke around him, but the jet engine of an arm cannon was gone. The Hollow had stopped attacking.

"Shinigami!" the voice shouted from above him. Ichigo looked up to see that the Hollow was in fact, high up in the air. His jet arm was now thankfully much lower in strength, keeping it stable in the sky. "This isn't over?"

"Oh there you are." he called. "Nice try but that won't save you from Zangetsu's reach."

The Hollow went...Stiff, when it heard that. Suddenly its eyes that looked down with contempt and disgust looked like they were staring at him, unblinking and wide-eyed. It was hard to read a Hollow's thoughts from its facial expressions, namely because they had masks for faces anyway, so Ichigo had no idea what the creature was thinking. But it looked scared.

"Then you're," it sounded like it stuttered. "Ichigo Kurosaki!"

"Yo."

The Hollow roared again, but it didn't sound like it was mad or hungry, more like it was desperate. Then it trained its sights back on the street below, and opened its mouth. Ichigo readied for another fire breath, but there weren't any sparks flickering around the teeth.

No, there was small red light, barely the size of a pinky finger. But it was growing, and echoing with that sound Ichigo had heard many times.

He rested the larger sword on his shoulder and pointed the smaller one at the Hollow. He didn't want to use the technique, but if the Hollow was escalating, he would do so in kind if he could neutralize the damage it might cause. He willed the sword's tip to create a small but bright light.  
It trailed in the air as he moved the tip to form a perfect circle. While the Hollow's attack grew in size, his remained the same as a floating circle of white and blue light. Just as the Hollow's spiritual pressure spiked, he tapped the center of the circle with the blade.

"Getsuga Tensho."

The ground behind him was completely pulverized with the force of the attack's recoil, though Ichigo himself remained stationary, his body dividing the kickback into two expanding lines that stretched across the street to the sidewalks. A beam of light raced to the Hollow, while at the same time its own attack shot back, the red beam of a Cero.

The two attacks hit in the air, and the shockwave that hit shattered streetlamps all around Ichigo and Orihime. Windows were cracked, cars were shifted where they were parked.

The two beams pushed at one another, sending sparks and flickers of red energy all around. Even from this distance Ichigo could see the Hollow's every move. It strained with the effort against his technique, putting every ounce of strength into it. But it was all for naught, the Getsuga Tenshou was winning, and the Hollow knew it, but there was nothing it could do. If it moved, it would be vaporized. If it kept pushing it would also be vaporized. There was simply no way out for the Hollow, and that realization filled with a fear far worse than any wound that Ichigo could have inflicted.

"Remember that fear, Hollow." he shouted over the struggle, and the Hollow's gaze shifted to look at him instead of the beam seeking its death. "That inability to escape, to live. That's the fear your victims felt when you slaughtered them like animals." Ichigo gripped his sword a bit tighter.

"Make that thought your last, drive it deep into your mind." Ichigo channeled more power into the attack, making it double in size and pushing through the Cero. The Hollow roared its last at him.

"Disappear."

The Hollow was hit in the mask by the Getsuga Tenshou. Then the blue light burned through the entire body, and kept going higher and higher into the sky. It reached until it disappeared into the thick gray clouds of midnight, and faded into the ether.

Ichigo took a breathe, feeling his heart slow greatly from doing so. He gave his swords a smile before he sheathed them both. Orihime meanwhile had walked up to him. Her little pixie creatures floated around her so that she looked like some kind of extremely charismatic beekeeper.

"Are you alright?" she asked. "You look tense."

"The Hollow had killed his coworkers from when he was human, so it got me thinking about Shrieker, that one that tormented the kid in the parakeet. But I'm okay," he said with a smile and a nod. "turns out blasting him into vapor was very therapeutic."

"Okay." she said, and wrapped her arm around his waist. "Gotta say it was fun watching you work."

"Well I couldn't have done it without you." he replied. He planted a kiss on her forehead. "Without your shield I might've been roasted, then you'd have a roasted husband."

"Lucky for you I don't like my husband roasted." she said, rolling her eyes. "Come on, we should get going, we need to perform Konso on that family." She paused.

"Do you think we should be worried that an Adjuchas came here?"

"I don't think so, its been known to happen that one goes to the human world sometimes. Rare but not unheard of. I'm going to stop by Urahara's and see if he's heard any activity going on. Probably also call up Rukia just to be safe."

"Good plan, and see if we can get her and Renji to come over."

"Why?"

"Because we could have another double date! Duh!"

"You do know that Rukia's a captain with a lot of-"

Suddenly there was a terrific boom in the sky, as if a military jet had gone supersonic just above the town. Ichigo and Orihime looked up to see that the clouds were gone. Completely. Nowhere to be seen. Now there was a clear sky, a shining moon and lovely stars galore.

"Ichigo."

"Yes Orihime?"

"Did you split the clouds again?"

"It would appear that I did, yes." He ran his hand through his hair. "Every. Damn. Time."

And so it was that another night in Karakura Town passed. The bench remained as it was, and while the Ichiraku Ramen shop suffered numerous scorch marks to its doors, the street there would remain intact enough to see many more peaceful days of selfies and ramen eating.

On the other hand, a pickup truck had been pulverized into mulch, at least six lampposts were bent or snapped into splinters along with three streetlights, and the nearby road would take weeks if not several months to repair. Not to mention the disrupt to the weather. And nobody would ever know why. But then again, that was what saki was for.

Just another weird, weird day in Karakura Town.


	5. Chapter 5

**On a Saturday afternoon. . .**

Kazui bent his legs, focused his vision in front of him, and dashed. He disappeared from sight for a split second, before reappearing twenty feet away. On his head.

The scene looked to Ichigo like Kazui had tried a swan dive into the courtyard only to realize that there wasn't any water. He almost looked like some kind of modern art with the way he was stuck. Luckily he was not a statue and thus possessed mobility, although in this particular case "mobility" translated to "falling on his side." Thankfully his durability was such that he wasn't injured physically, though morally it was a different matter altogether. Ichigo almost felt nostalgic for those days when it was him getting his face planted.

"Dad, am I making any progress at all here?" he asked

"Well, your distance has already doubled from yesterday." he replied from over in his chair.

"I've been messing up every single time." he groaned. "What am I doing wrong!?"

Dad sat up in his chair and put down his newspaper. "You're starting the technique perfectly, I will say. You have the stance and your focus is superb. Take a second and think on where it goes wrong."

"How do I do that?"

Dad rose from his seat, and placed his glasses on the little concrete podium. He cracked his neck, and like he had told Kazui, he seemingly focused his vision on a single spot. But to Kazui, Dad looked incredibly relaxed as he did so, almost bored.

"Let me show you. There you see?"

"Wagh!" Kazui nearly jumped out of his shoes when he heard Dad's voice right behind him. "You did that on purpose didn't you."

"Maybe." He pointed at the ground. "Look. See that trail I left in the dust?"

Kazui looked at he did see a long but thin divide in the dust. If Dad hadn't been pointing at it he never would have noticed it, a perfect trail that ended right at Dad's feet. Kazui felt a little bit jealous at seeing the perfect execution of the technique. But only a little.

"I do." he said, trying not to pout.

"Good. Now, I want you to try another flash step."

"Really?" he sighed.

"Yes really."

"Okay." Kazui bent his knees, focused his vision. He moved, and the world blurred together around him for a split second.

Then he lost control, slipped on air, and rolled on the ground until he came to a halt, bumping slightly against Dad's chair. All he saw was smooth, gray pavement. All he felt was the crushing shame and humiliation. Or maybe that was the thick newspaper that had fallen on his head.

"Come on up."

Dad's voice was suddenly above him, and he felt two hands grab beneath his shoulders. He was yanked up like a turnip, then replanted by his feet. His chin was gently grabbed by Dad to make him follow the trail that he himself had left.

To his surprise it was perfectly smooth like Dad's. But that was only around a fourth of the trail. The rest of it was a scattered mess of footprints, followed closely by a wide trail that was his shamed form.

"Tell me what you see." Dad said.

"I was doing well for a little bit, but then I lost control."

"Yup. So, my recommendation is that you focus on perfecting it in steps."

"But Dad, I can do more than that!"

"I know you can. But just because someone can perform a task doesn't necessarily mean they've mastered it, it just means they can perform it, and that could mean anything from a pro to a complete amateur." Dad got on one knee so that he was looking up at Kazui. "Listen, not everything can be mastered instantly. Sometimes we have to keep working at a problem before we arrive at the solution. It takes persistence. You know that game you like to play?"

"Which one?" he asked.

"The one where you keep resurrecting. It's really dark and has medieval armor, lots of demons?"

Kazui was lost, and in response Dad sighed, looking ashamed.

"When you let me play it I got killed by a giant red dragon on a bridge."

"Oh you mean Dark Souls!"

"Yes, the engine of pain and misery." he sighed. "But the principle is the same. In that game you need to keep trying and trying, using different approaches before you figure out how to accomplish something."

"So. . .What you're saying is that some things just take multiple attempts."

"Exactly, ideally without being roasted alive. Besides, if you take a second and walk yourself through this you can figure it out."

Kazui nodded. He felt nervous, but he had to at least try thinking up a solution. He looked at the trail he had left with his flash step, a small streak that ended in a big him-shaped splatter.

"Well, I was doing well for about six feet. Then I lose control."

"So then what's an appropriate course of action?"

"I guess I should be focusing on baby steps." he looked to Dad. "Baby flash steps?" To this Dad actually looked confused. He didn't seem to know a proper term either, so he just shrugged.

"I should focus on incremental improvement. Master it bit by bit instead of trying to power through it all and exceed what I'm capable of in a practical sense."

"Yes. Reign it in a little bit ya eager Oni." Dad tousled his hair, making Kazui pout.

"Okay." he said. Suddenly he felt his stomach groan, a sound like a bear's growl.

"Oh wow you're-" Dad was interrupted by his own stomach's deep, cavernous rumble. Kazui had to stifle his own laughter.

"Alright, since our stomachs apparently can't wait." Dad walked over to the cooler, and Kazui decided he would slump down and finally, mercifully, catch his breath. His body cried out for hydration, and he obliged his body by grabbing the special green and white striped water bottle. It poured the water, and immediately felt his pulse slowing, and his breath came back to him. It was pure heaven.

"Hey Dad, can I ask you a flash step question?"

"Sure. What is it? Damn sandwiches, where are you jerks."

"You said last week that normal Hollows can't use flash step."

". . .Yeah?"

"What did you mean by "normal" hollows anyway?"

Dad said nothing as he pulled out a sandwich for himself, then another that he tossed to Kazui. He strolled over to his chair. He picked up his newspaper, to where the crossword puzzle was. He slumped down in his chair with a sigh. He opened up the bag for the sandwich, and took a hearty chomp into it. Still chewing, he spoke.

"Dad?"

"Alrighty. Guess its okay to tell you some of this." He swallowed the sandwich piece. "There are the most common kind, the kind we fight every week it seems. Then there are the Gillians. But there's another type."

"Is it some kind of in-between stage?"

"No. It's the next level." he scratched his head. "I say they're not normal hollows because they could be considered a kind of mutation, and they manifest powers that are almost identical to a Shinigami."

Kazui coughed on his water, and took several moments before he was able to speak. He coughed and hit his chest several times, and then he finally regained his breath.

"Hollows with powers identical to a Shinigami?"

"Well, almost. There's quite a few differences." Dad looked at him. "Look if you really, really want, we can talk more about them next week."

"But can't we talk now?"

"Not today. Once lunch is over we're going over Kido again."

"But I'm doing great with Kido!"

"You are with Bakkudo. Hado is something that requires more attention, so we'll be focusing on that. Here, you can pick the spell you want to practice okay?"

Kazui shrugged. "Okay." At least he would get time to practice that spell that Aunt Rukia loved so much. He resigned himself to eating his sandwich, grateful for the sustenance.

But why wasn't Dad telling him anything?

* * *

 **The following Friday. . .**

It was the end of another friday, and the pitter-patter of hundreds of feet meant that soon Orihime would be going home herself. But while the students would stampede out like bison, she was free to take her time in her classroom until Kazui came up.

Besides, it was always soothing for her to be in a quiet room while the sun was setting, casting its golden rays through the windows. It was something very few of the faculty or staff enjoyed, namely because they too bolted out with the speed of cheetahs. Fortunately for her that meant she could use her little helpers in cleaning up the classroom.

They were quite helpful, zipping around the classroom and picking up scattered art supplies. In the past they wouldn't be able to lift much more than a bunch of bananas, but as time passed and her own strength grew, their strength likewise grew. In combat that meant her spells had increased many times over, and for them it meant they could fly faster, and lift more. Which was good, because Tsubaki was carrying a gallon of paint right now.

"Just put it on the bottom shelf Tsubaki." Orihime said.

"Yeah yeah I'm on it already." he said. He ducked underneath Lily, who was carrying several paint brushes to the storage cabinet. He gently dropped the gallon on the shelf, then quickly moved to push it inside with the other gallons.

"You seem cheerful Tsubaki." Lily said as she grabbed more brushes.

"I'm always cheerful. It's part of my charm." he replied.

"That it is." Orihime agreed.

"Hello Orihime," Ayame spoke, now in front of Orihime. "we're almost done here. Just running some water over a few paint bowls. Should we put those away when they're clean?"

"I don't think they need to be put away. Just put them next to the sink and I'll take care of them tomorrow."

"We shall do so." she chirped.

"Thanks Ayame." Orihime gave the sprite a gentle pat on the head, which made her beam like the sun, and she zipped off to the others. Orihime returned to her paperwork to order new canvases. Not a particularly exciting part of her job but it kept her awake.

She was just about done when she heard a knock at the door.

"Perimeter breach!" Lily shouted. As they had practiced, the spirits all immediately went to Orihime and reformed into her hair pins, and they did so with such velocity that Orihime flinched. The last they moved this fast she had been knocked into a pool.

Except, Ayame was still here. She floated to the door without worry. She was eager to zip to the door's bottom, where there was a tiny crack that she could just peak through to see who was there. Then she floated back up and gave a thumbs up to Orihime. Orihime responded in kind, and Ayame pushed down the door handle.

"Hey mom, can I-"

"Sneak attack!" Ayame was on his head, grabbing his hair like a giant teddy bear.

"Sneak attack!" all of the spirits of Shun Shun Rikka shouted together, swarming her son. In seemingly an instant the spirits were all clamped onto his head, with the exception of Tsubaki who settled for sitting on Kazui's shoulder.  
Kazui's eyes were half-closed, either from being drowsy from the school day, or because Lily had grabbed his nose. Either way he looked nonplussed, and Orihime had to keep herself from falling out of her chair. But she was able to snap a picture.

"Guys. Why." he said. He yanked out his headphones.

"Because we love you!" Ayame said from his forehead. All of them nodded in agreement.

"Would you guys want me to rush you every time I saw you?"

"Silly Kazui," Lily said. "we can do this because you're so big!"

"Again, I ask why. Mom, help. Please?" he asked. Orihime breathed to regain control.

"Alright you guys come back." With great reluctance the spirits floated off of her son and went back to their chores, although Tsubaki remained on Kazui's shoulder. He and Kazui looked at each other, nodded, and that was that. Tsubaki seemed to take an interest in the headphone on Kazui's shoulder, and lifted it up to rest his head on it like a pillow.

Kazui walked over to her desk, pulling up a chair. Orihime closed up her bag, and suddenly Kazui into a hug. She lifted him off the ground, humming to him.

"Why."

"Because I could tell you needed a hug since breakfast!" she said. "Or does my little Shinigami think he's too old for hugs now?"

Without a word, Kazui returned the hug.

"There you go. Hug it out you, hug it out." She let him stay for a minute. His little body was like an oven right now, as it had been since the day he was born. He was getting big, but not so big that she couldn't snatch him up and bearhug him whenever he needed it, or whenever she felt like tickling him.

"Please don't tickle me."

"I was thinking nothing of the sort."

Curses! Foiled again! Regretfully she set him down.

"So, what's been on your mind?" she asked.

"It was just a long day. Kirin had been making fun of my hair again."

"He was?" Orihime felt a spark igniting a flame in her. "That little-"

"Mom, no. It's fine. We all just ignored him until he got bored and went away."

Orihime nodded. "I'm glad you didn't let him get to you." She tousled his hair. "Who could even make fun of such gorgeous hair like this? He doesn't know what he's talking about." Kazui gently pushed her hand off of him.

"I think he might be jealous that he can't bleach his hair this color because his parents won't let him." he shrugged.

"He does know you don't bleach your hair right?"

"I've told him the exact same thing every time. 'I don't bleach my hair Kirin, I don't have hairspray, and you need to take a breath mint.' I don't know if he's just deaf or just dumb."

"Maybe? Maybe if you said it without insult his breath it might stick. Have you tried ignoring it?"

"I did! I really really tried. You and dad said that I shouldn't judge people on appearance or their quirks, but his breath almost made me pass out the first time and I can't get past it!" he groaned.

"But," he perked up. "on the upside, we'll be having a math test next week."

Orihime sighed. How her baby could crunch numbers like a supercomputer, and read at an eighth grade level when he was still in fourth grade, yet couldn't use a comb if his life depended on it. It was a gift. Regardless, if he was happy, she was happy.

"That's good," she said. "If you want, you can invite Miki, Ryuji, and Yamato over to study."

Kazui looked a bit hesitant at the idea.

"No?" she asked.

"I want to, really I do. Just, Miki's parents might not let her, Ryuji will probably have baseball practice most of the week, and Yamato has to help in his parents restaurant most nights."

"What about just Miki?" Orihime gently elbowed him with a smile. "That might be nice to have just the two of you studying you know."

"Mom." he whined. "I don't know if her parents would let her out. They're really strict, did you know they give her a bedtime at eight?"

". . .Okay. That is a bit odd but I'm sure they just want her to be a good student."

"She's better than me! But I've seen them, they act like she's falling behind everyone."

"Aren't you the top student in your class?" Orihime asked.

"I'm practically tied with her." Kazui clarified. "But they're so strict mom. They don't even let her eat ramen for lunch. Every day its just the exact same weird lunch, I think it might be astronaut food."

Orihime paused. She tried to process that anybody in this town could go a single day without eating ramen. They might as well fill the river with ramen for all the recipes they had for it. How in the name of Soul Society did a family completely avoid it here?

"You know, if you want I'd be happy to call her parents and ask if they would let her come over to study. Maybe the two of you could have a sleepover."

At this Kazui grinned. "You would do that?"

"Absolutely. Besides I'm a teacher at their daughter's school."

"So you could work the angle of keeping a strict eye on us to make sure we did nothing but study?"

"I never said that." Crafty little Oni!

"That said if I do, I do expect you two to study first, fun later."

"Of course! Definitely! Study first and fun later. If we don't study first you can ground me."

". . .Good thinking sweetie." Orihime said.

"Orihime," Ayame floated between them. "the paint bowls are next to the sink. Will that be all?"

"Yes that'll be all Ayame." Orihime looked to the squadron. "Thanks everyone. Great work."

Like an air force unit they saluted, save for Ayame who bowed, and Tsubaki who was currently taking a nap on her son's shoulder and headphone. She summoned them all, including Tsubaki, back into their hairpin form. She rose and slung the bag over her shoulder's while Kazui hopped from his chair and slid it back in.

"Wish I could have some little fairy assistants." he grumbled.

"You have your Zanpakuto."

"It's not the same. I still can't hear him, and I don't know when I'll be able to meet him." He followed close behind as Orihime switched off the lights, then out the door.

"Can you tell me how dad did it? He doesn't want to tell me because he said its better if I learned myself rather than copying him."

"Well, I wasn't actually there when your dad met his Zanpakuto. But he did tell me the story."

"And? How did he do it?"

"Do you want the simple version or the long version?"

"Does it matter?"

"Not especially. Basically the way he did it was to get killed, have his soul chain cut off, get trapped and bound in a pit until he found himself, and the had Urahara chase him around with a sword in a fight him to the death until he was able to summon his Zanpakuto by force."

". . .Huh?" he asked.

"It's a long story, but your father never learned to 'properly' master his Zanpakuto until much later."

'What do you mean?"

"Well amongst other things, you've noticed that his swords are always giant? Normally Zanpakuto look like yours, or like nodachi, wakizashis and so on."

"Yeah that's the sealed state. I just thought that dad's was an outlier situation."

"Well he's definitely out of the norm. He has so much power that his sword is stuck in shikai. He hasn't been able to seal them for all his life. The one time he tried was sometime before you were born, when we were vacationing in Hawaii, and we went to one of the smaller islands for privacy. He decided he could try it without causing some kind of natural disaster."

"So what happened?"

"He caused an earthquake that nearly set off the volcano. On accident of course."

"Of course. On accident. How else could he do it."

"My point is that you'll get your own helpful spirit, it just takes time."

"You're right." he said. "Just need to be patient."

"There you go." she smiled. "We'll need to pickup some groceries on the way home. Including ice cream."

"Ooh can we get some neopolitan and hide it from dad? He always eats it up."

"Yes. Just a big batch for you and me. Pinky promise."

The two of them locked pinky fingers, and they stayed locked all the way to the car.

* * *

 **The following Sunday. . .**

There were many peculiarities throughout Karakura town, but few came close to the perplexing majesty that was the "Phantom Canyon" just a few miles outside the town.

Over a decade ago the area that would become the Phantom Canyon was just more thick forest with some small hills. But one day, as was stated by a government agent in a striped hat, there had been a "micro quake" that had affected the town, and left this massive canyon outside, and had also somehow left a perfectly horizontal cut through a nearby crag. This "one in a million" phenomenon had also left a gigantic crater and a straight fault through the landscape that went on for thirty miles.

So the area had been sealed off for public safety. At least that's what had been officially stated.

"You are sure nobody is going to try getting in here right?"

"I put up special Kido to ward them off. Nobody will be coming here without getting bored and wandering back home before they even see the place. That and I put up several barriers and obscuring spells. No Shinigami, Hollow, or Quincy will be able to get in here without my verbal permission." Urahara pointed at what could be considered the wall of the canyon. "Plus I put up a chain link fence! It's foolproof!"

"Fair enough." Ichigo said. "But did you really have to put up all those radiation signs?"

"That was Jintai's idea. He said it would scare people off."

"Why? Wait, he's been playing Fallout hasn't he."

"Every hour of every day." Urahara sighed.

"You should see Kazui. He's been obsessed with Dark Souls One since it came out."

"Ah yes Jintai also played that. Hold on, wasn't the first one released over a decade ago?"

"Yeah. We got the collection for him as a birthday gift. He's got about nine more games to go before does something he calls-"

"Git gud?"

"You too!? What is going on here? Did a bunch of extremely nerdy souls possess people around town? Is everyone brainwashed? Seriously what the hell does that even mean!?"

"It means that Urahara needs to get out more." Uryu said. He slipped off his jacket, leaving on only his button up shirt and tie, which he loosened. His words seemed to have left a hurtful impact on Urahara's very soul judging from how he was slumping right now.

"Can't say I disagree." Ichigo removed his own jacket and slumped it on the picnic blanket. "At first I thought you were so pale because it was something to do with Soul Society."

"You two are so cruel." he moaned.

"Indeed." Uryu said, rolling his eyes. He strolled up beside Ichigo, rotating his shoulders. He drew his Quincy cross from his pocket. "Whenever you're ready Ichigo. Do you want to go first, or shall I?"

"Feel free to go first." Ichigo replied. He pulled out his own Quincy cross, and decided to use the time he had to take in the surroundings a bit. No matter how many times they came out here to shoot the breeze, and targets, it gave him a strange feeling.

He couldn't say that it didn't feel weird to be hanging out in a former battlefield. Standing in this blasted and wrecked canyon gave him some bizarre kind of nostalgia, and possibly nausea from whenever Aizen's monstrous transformation popped into his mind. The place almost felt like a memorial in his mind to the war with Aizen, and the occasional Shinigami trips to the area for their history classes hadn't helped with that feeling.

"Oh, Urahara, when is the next tour group coming here?"

"That'd be next Saturday at noon. Shall I let them know you'll be there to give the tour this time?"

"Sure."

But then again that feeling wasn't strong enough to override his sensing a good paycheck, and paychecks from Soul Society were huge. Besides it was a win-win deal. He got huge amounts of cash for leading tours, and Soul Society got a personal account of one of the greatest conflict of their time.

And that was before the money he had been offered for interviews on the war, the Vandenreich Invasion, the Hell Verse Incident, and many others. He was pretty much set for life at this point.

But still, the place was eerie in a kind of desert vibe. Uryu had said it reminded him of World War I, where huge stretches of highly contested land were called "no man's land." According to him some of those places were still barren, and that seemed like a decent comparison in terms of atmosphere, and ecological effect to a degree. The place wasn't radiated or infertile, but it hadn't really grown any weeds over the years.  
Urahara theorized it had to do with the transcendent reishi being emitted by himself and by Aizen had done something to the vegetation, thus leaving the place barren for the foreseeable future, and since Shinigami tended to live thousands of years, it might be this way for a very, very long time.

So on the downside, the place was barren and might very well be for a few hundred years. But on the upside that meant that him and Uryu had a place to practice bowmanship for the next centuries. Uryu certainly seemed to be enjoying this arrangement, as he stepped up to the firing line, looking all calm and collected like he usually did. Ichigo had begun to wonder if the old Quincys had some kind of bowtox technique to appear calm and ready for battle. It'd certainly be intimidating. But no, Uryu just had one of those faces.

"Remember the posture Kurosaki." he said. "Stand up straight, one foot facing forward, lowered back elbow." He moved every bit of his body to show the pose.

"Right." he replied. "Luckily that isn't the most difficult part of Quincy powers."

"What is the most difficult part?" Urahara asked. Ichigo saw that he was already sipping into his first bottle. From the ice chest that Ichigo had kept a lock on.

"How the hell did you get into the ice chest?" he asked,

To this Urahara simply pointed at himself, and to Ichigo it looked like Urahara thought he was an idiot. Ichigo sighed, annoyed that he had forgotten whom exactly he was dealing with here. Well, the joke was on Urahara this time. That beer was non-alcoholic, so he'd be getting a funny surprise later. But to keep up appearances Ichigo simply shrugged, and decided to answer the question.

"Urahara, please summon the targets." Uryu said, stopping Ichigo.

"Ah, right." Urahara snapped his fingers, and thus popped into existence the glowing energy construct targets. The nearest were seventy meters, the next one hundred and forty meters, two-hundred and ten meters, and so on and so on.

"I still don't get why we need these." Ichigo grumbled.

"You know damn well why we do Kurosaki." Uryu said. He gave one of his trademark glares before he resumed his attention on the targets, and returned to his little stretches.

"So Kurosaki, you were saying?" Urahara said.

"Oh right. The hard part about Quincy training is the whole thing where you have to stand still. Well, actually most of if not all of the Vandenreich were running around all the time and using weird powers. But you know what I mean."

"You've usually been running around and hacking things to bits." Urahara said.

"Exactly, sometimes I feel like I should be moving more."

"Well you are capable of that." Uryu said. "At your current level you could pull off some decent mobile shots, though you'd need a few seconds to ready it." Uryu's hand glowed in a pale blue light, which sprouted to form a large bow that was as tall as he was. From the center there extended four long prongs, and two spikes as well. The handle was significantly thinner than the rest of the bow, yet even that was thicker than Uryu's skinny arms.

He held up the bow and drew back. The motion seemed to draw a stretch of light from the bow to between his fingers as he took aim down the range.

"I'll start with the seventy meter target." he said.

Then he released his arrow. It flew straight across the range and struck the target in the second largest circle, just above the center, sounding like a large kitchen knife being slammed into a log. The arrow remained where it was, and Uryu remained where he was, and gave a nod and, in defiance of physics, smirked. Urahara gave a little quiet clap to the sight of the arrow hitting its mark. But Ichigo felt that Uryu was off his game with a shot like that.

"Oi Uryu, what are you playing at? At seventy meters you should have gotten the bulls eye."

In response Uryu adjusted his glasses and sighed.

"I felt like being kind by letting you try getting the center yourself. I would not being a good teacher if I completed every task myself for you." he replied. Ichigo could swear there was another smirk. He didn't like that. He didn't like that at all. He drew his own Quincy cross and wrapped it around his forearm by the chain.

"Cheeky." he said.

He tapped into the Quincy cross as he had been taught. He imagined it as an extension of his body, just like his Zanpakuto minus the talking part. He could feel Old Man acting through him, guiding the flow his Quincy power through the cross. When it was filled to maximum capacity, he felt the cool light of a Quincy spirit weapon form in his hand. It had taken him little time to settle on a form he was comfortable with. He could have gone with a gun, and he might try shaping one in the future, but for the time being he was comfortable with this.

In his hands he held a large recurve bow, easily as tall as himself. The side facing him and most of the other side were jet black, save for two thick white streaks that reached from the tips of the limbs all the way to the handle. The handle itself was black, as the black on the limbs wrapped around the handle. The glow of its formation faded, and he stepped up to the firing line.

"Good summoning." Uryu said.

"Thanks. I've been practicing with that."

"Have you been practicing your aiming?"

"Yes."

"And your control of the reishi absorption?"

"Yes."

"What about your control of-"

"Will you just let me fire the damn arrow already?" Ichigo said.

There was a moment of silence between them, Ichigo feeling ready to bite his hair off, and Uryu no doubt wanting to go a few rounds himself. But he took the hint and stepped back.  
Ichigo centered himself in the meantime and focused on the target ahead. Seventy meters, easy. He could hit it. He raised his bow and let himself access the power. He drew in reishi around his hand, practically an automatic process at this point. The reishi gathered around and became visible as small flecks of light that gave the arrow its shape between his fingers. When the arrow was drawn back far enough, he took aim.

Then he had to adjust his aim. A little bit to the right.

"Kurosaki. . ."

"Hold on."

A little to the left.

"Uhh, Ichigo." Now it was Urahara.

"Will you both stop talking." Ichigo released his arrow. It shot out much faster than Uryu's, and left a small divide in the dust in its wake. He could even hear it whistling as it flew. It struck the surface of the target, then it struck the other hill.

Then it kept going through the hill and disappeared from sight. Where it had hit, there was a massive hole through the target, so large that Uryu's own arrow was now dangling off the side. It was even smoking. But what was smoking even more than the target was Uryu himself, glaring at Ichigo.

"That," he pointed at the target. "is why we don't use normal targets anymore, Kurosaki."

"Oh yeah." He still felt Uryu's eyes staring holes through him. "What? I've been trying to work on that."

"This should be easier for you, you even have a Zanpakuto with a similar principle."

"For the last time, Zangetsu absorbs my spirit energy, then releases it. That is different from me absorbing reishi, shaping it, then firing it. Zangetsu does the conversion, I just aim it."

" _And I do it damn well mind you."_ Zangetsu said.

"You should've gotten a handle on it by now at least." Uryu pushed up his glasses. "I would've thought we were done with all your reishi control problems."

"You and me both." Ichigo said. "How about we trade places. You use Zangetsu, and I shoot things."

"No," Uryu shook his head. "you just want me to try lifting Zangetsu off the ground again. I'm not falling for that trick twice. Besides, I couldn't stand to wear Shinigami robes. Too much black and too baggy."

"How about a nice striped hat and robe?" Urahara asked. Somehow he had produced a flyer.

"No." they both said. Urahara slumped in shame, muttering about no appreciation for the classics.

Ichigo returned his gaze to Uryu. "I'm trying, really. I've just been busy with work, and teaching Kazui."

"Ah. I see. I can understand that. Is he doing well in training?"

"Oh yeah he's doing good. You should see him with Kido. He's a natural."

"Good to hear." Uryu said. Then he rested a hand on Ichigo's shoulder. "I respect that it's your decision Ichigo, but I must ask when you intend to tell Kazui."

"Tell him what." Ichigo said. He already knew what was coming.

"Everything."

"I will when he's older." Ichigo sighed.

"How old?" Uryu breathed. "Sorry, I don't mean to sound snappish."

"It's alright. I was thinking when he's my age when I started out."

Uryu nodded. "Seems reasonable. Just," he paused. "if you need help with any of it, just call me."

"I will." Ichigo said. "Now, please remove your hand would you? Nothing personal, I just feel like Urahara's going to get ideas for marketing."

"What could he possibly market from seeing us standing like this?" Uryu asked. Ichigo just pointed. Urahara had produced a notebook and pens, and if Ichigo was correct he was currently sketching out the two of them, probably with blushes on their cheeks and giant hearts floating around.

Uryu raised his hand, and a tiny bow was summoned. He drew back his thumb, and released an arrow that snatched away Urahara's erotic notebook into a tree trunk. Without another word, but with a huff, Uryu resumed his own practice.

"Oi, Urahara." Ichigo asked. His mentor and apparent yaoi artist looked up.

"It's for Yoruichi I swear!" he said.

"Not that. And don't let me catch you doing that ever again. I wanted to ask if you had any info on why there was an Adjuchas here last week."

"Oh yes, that." Urahara nodded. "I asked around. Nothing. Nobody knows why it was here beyond the usual Hollows eating souls. I even looked around myself and I couldn't find anything."

"But Adjuchas don't even eat souls." Ichigo paused. "Well, they can but don't they just stick to other Adjuchas?"

"This one must have been pretty confident in his ability to stay an Adjuchas, I'm sure of that part at least." Urahara replied. "Best I can figure is that it might have been coming here to sample in souls for the novelty of it, have a risk-free massacre on weak souls and maybe a Shinigami. I have reached out to my contact in Soul Society and one in Hueco Mundo, so I should be hearing back sometime soon."

Ichigo wanted more info than that.

"You sure there's nothing else?"

"Sorry Ichigo. I got nothing for you. Yet."

"Damn." Ichigo felt a tap on his shoulder. Uryu had just finished his round, so now Ichigo was to go up. He obliged and they traded spots. The seventy meter target had restored itself to perfection. Ichigo drew his bow again. It made a low hum when the arrow was drawn back.

He felt the arrow's considerable denseness, the weight in its power. He looked at it. It was the same as the first arrow. He lowered the bow but kept it drawn, and looked over at Uryu.

"Can you draw your bow for a second?"

Uryu nodded, and summoned his own bow, and likewise drew an arrow. From it Ichigo could see it was just as bright as his own. The only immediate difference was that it was less shiny. But beneath the appearance, Ichigo could feel a similar density from the arrow. But that density was significantly less than his own arrow.

Ichigo loosened his bow, making the arrow poof into nothing. Then he rested his fingers on the string, and again gathered the reishi, but slower. He could feel it like there was a soft breeze that centered on his hand. The lights formed to highlight its structure until he had a fully formed arrow. But this time it felt lighter, more like Uryu's. He drew the arrow back and took aim on the target. A light exhalation, and it flew. It whistled through the air until it struck the target, dead center.

Even better, it hadn't gone straight through the target!

"Better." Uryu said. "It only went in halfway this time."

"Uryu, if sarcasm was your Zanpakuto, you'd have achieved bankai in a week."

"Thank you, but I mean it. I consider it a testament to your learning ability."

"Oh. Well thank you." Ichigo allowed himself to smile. "Your turn." Ichigo strolled back to the picnic blanket. Urahara looked rather relaxed. More so than usual anyway. In fact he was already on his second bottle. Ichigo couldn't wait for Urahara's face when he realized he wasn't getting drunk. Not here anyways. But while he waited, he decided to ask Urahara to look at something.

Ichigo rolled up his sleeve to reveal his watch, a large black watch that looked like something the military would use and with more buttons than he knew what to do with. Even after all these years wearing the thing he didn't have a clue what some of them did, and frankly he wasn't in much of a rush to find out.

"Hey Urahara, can you mind taking a look at the watch for me?"

"Huh?" he burped. "Oh, of course." he scooted over. "Has it been giving you any trouble?"

"Not that I've noticed."

"Alright." Urahara yanked Ichigo's arm toward him and looked at the watch. He tapped the center in a combination that Ichigo could never remember no matter how much he wrote it down, and up popped a screen, a transparent light blue indicator of the watch's status and functions. Urahara flipped it to face him and then he got to work. He tapped in such a way that made his fingers look like they had doubled in number. Then doubled again.

"Any discomfort? Fluctuations in reishi? Limiter malfunctions?"

"None. As far as I can tell. Still feels weird sometimes to be running around with a limiter." Ichigo realized something with a laugh. "I guess this is what it feels like to be Kenpachi on most days."

"Ehh. Kenpachi's limiter was lighter than yours I'd say. You've had to go down a lot farther than he did just to be at captain level." Urahara flicked off the display and yanked Ichigo's arm up to look at the bottom strap.

"Still as secure as the day you put it on. Am I good, or am I good?" He continued his tampering, leaving Ichigo with one arm up the air like he was some kind of marionette for the scientist. Uryu seemed to be trying not to notice the scene and just fired arrow after arrow

"Alright, all good. Working quite well." He finally, mercifully, released Ichigo's arm.

"Sweet. Thanks."

"My pleasure." Urahara placed a hand on his shoulder. " Just so you don't forget, if you ever find yourself in a situation where you need to lessen the limiter, please, do it slowly."

"I know I know. 'If you do it too fast it could be similar to a bomb going off.' I remember."

Urahara raised his hands. "Just making sure my test subject is kept alive and well for the future."

Uryu and Ichigo looked at Urahara.

"My friends, my friends." he said quickly. "Please, take a joke you two."

"I feel like this is how he proposed to Yoruichi." Uryu said.

"What, something like 'please make me the happiest scientist in existence, and we can perform experiments together until time ends.' That kind of proposal?"

"More or less." Uryu replied.

"How did you get into my wedding vows folder?" Urahara said. Then suddenly he belched a belch that was unlike any that had been heard by Ichigo before. Not even his dad had been able to belch so loudly that it required covering his ears.

"Jeez Urahara you-" Ichigo sniffed the air. ". . .Is that alcohol on your breath?"

"N-no." Urahara said. He placed the bottle behind him.

"It is! That definitely is! Wait, are you drunk?"

To this Urahara paused. He sniffed the beer, then looked back at them with a sheepish grin, and a shrug.

"Yes. I definitely am. A bit."

"How?" Uryu asked. "That beer was non-alcoholic, how did you get drunk on it? Wait, don't tell me. You were able to modify the beers so that you got drunk that fast didn't you."

Urahara simply pointed at himself with both fingers, and a grin on his face.

The rest of the shooting session went peacefully, if smelly. Urahara remained where he was, having been forbidden to take any more shots, alcoholic and with his Zanpakuto. He didn't seem to mind that arrangement. Ichigo noticed how he seemed to be slightly smug in his victory, and he and Uryu allowed him to keep that smugness of having gotten away with something..

Until they took him back home and let Yoruichi smell his breath. Then Urahara wasn't so smug.

But he did get a nice nap courtesy of Yoruichi's. . .Tough love.

* * *

"Uh. Boss."

"What is it Needler. I'm in the middle of something important here."

"I know Boss. But this is important too. Firebrand-"

"I don't care what about what recipe he's making, I'm not eating it. Tell him to shut up."

"Uh, well good news Boss. Firebrand won't be making his recipes anymore."

"Good to hear, did you finally beat some sense into him?"

"...Uhhh, no."

"What, did Shellshock give him nightmares?"

"No. No it wasn't one of ours."

"Was it a Quincy, an Oni, Sadako?"

"No, no, no. Wasn't any of those."

"I'm getting tired of this. Needler, do you want me to keep guessing? Or should I tear the answer out with your throat and leave you to bleed out on the floor?"

"No! No boss. Firebrand was killed!"

"What? How?"

"We don't know just yet. He went off to the Human World, said he was narrowing in on a family. We lost contact about five minutes later. Nobody's felt his reishi since."

"I see. Did he keep his reishi suppressed?"

"Yes. Well, mostly."

". . .Mostly?"

"Well he was keeping it low, at the level of a normal Hollow as per orders, but about five minutes after his last transmission, his reishi flared up to what was recorded as his maximum output."

"And after that, his reishi completely disappeared?"

"Yeah. Best we can figure out is that he was attacked by a Shinigami, and a powerful one. At least lieutenant class."

"No."

"Boss?

"No lieutenant could've taken out Firebrand that quickly. This was a Shinigami of captain level at least."

"Oh, no. What do we do boss?"

"Well, what you're going to do is go to the Human World."

"What!? Boss I-"

"Firebrand was your responsibility Needler. You vouched for him, you volunteered to lead him and make sure he did not step out of line. Now where is he? Dead. You failed to keep an eye on him and now one of our own is dead, and as a result fear will spread in our ranks. You should be thankful that I don't kill you now. I know he was troublesome, but you failed him and us, and we do not take failure lightly."

"Yes. Boss. What do I do?"

"What I just said. Go to the Human World. Locate this Shinigami who killed Firebrand, observe them, and return to us. Learn as much as you can. Return to us alive and with good information, and your position will not change. Return to us without useful information, and I will personally tear you apart with my bare hands. Understood?"

"Yes Boss! I'll head out at once!"


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: I apologize in advance if anyone takes issue with the music choices in this chapter, and for all future chapters. I don't know J-pop especially well aside from anime openings. Bleach Opening 15 all day.

* * *

 **A late night. . .**

There was a fog tonight. One typical of Karakura town, one that wouldn't gain much attention from the locals. It did not hinder traffic, what little there was at this late hour. It did not either hinder people walking the streets, nor the few drunkards stumbling home to their wives. The people had grown used to this weather in the early fall weeks. It clung to the cement of the streets, and reached high above the rooftops, from Urahara's Candy Shop to the Kurosaki Clinic.

It was on one such rooftop that the Quincy Uryu found himself. He was on a corner building, one small enough to where he could see down all four streets with clarity. Save for a raccoon peaking out of a storm drain to the west and a flickering street lamp two blocks away to the south, there was nothing out here. To him it was just another blasted set of streets in this blasted fog.

"No point hanging around."

Uryu raised his watch. He tapped the upper right button, which changed the watch's face to that it was in "call" mode. It showed a ring of faces along with several group names. He flicked to the one labeled "Patrol" and tapped. He felt a shiver run through him at the air's bite.

"Kurosaki." he said.

"Yo." Ichigo said.

"Present and accounted for." Kazui said.

"Hi Uryu!" Orihime said.

"Sup." Karin said. "Wait, which Kurosaki did you want?"

"Me obviously." Ichigo said.

"You would think that." Karin replied.

"The hell does that mean?"

Uryu sighed. "Nevermind. Listen, I finished my sweep of the northwest corner."

"Roger that," Ichigo said. "Kazui and I finished up in the southeast. Nothing."

"Same for the northeast here." Karin said.

"Southwest has nothing. I did see some pocky for cheap though!" Orihime chirped.

"Ooh!" Kazui said. "Can we get some chocolate ones tomorrow?"

"Dibs on the strawberry kid." Karin said. "Yuzu will probably want watermelon."

"I'll make sure we get some for everyone." Orihime confirmed.

"Thank you for the update, Orihime." Uryu sighed.

He missed Chad.

"Sorry, back on point." she said. "What do we do now? We all got the signal that a Hollow arrived."

"It did, but it seems like it went underground." Uryu said.

"So we've got a Hollow that's dumb enough to come here, but is smart enough to go into hiding the very instant it arrives?" Ichigo asked. "Shit. This could be a problem."

"Language Ichigo." Orihime said.

"He's right though." Karin added. Uryu agreed.

"If we have a Hollow that's in hiding, we need to assume that it's waiting to strike. We'll need to be on high alert in case it pops out for a soul."

"Do you think it could be coming after us, Uncle Uryu?"

"I doubt it Kazui."

"Still we need to take precautions until this Hollow is found." Karin said. "We might have a more dangerous one to deal with."

"I think we should all head back to the clinic." Ichigo said. "Make sure the barriers are up. Uryu, I'd like you to come stay over just to be sure."

"Come now Kurosaki, what kind of Quincy would I be if I couldn't handle a typical hollow?"

"It's not a typical hollow I'm worried about." he replied.

"Ah." Uryu said. Ichigo was worried they'd have a Gillian, or maybe an Arrancar. Menos didn't know how to suppress their presence, but Adjuchas and Vasto Lorde had the mental capacity. As did Arrancars. Either this was a pitifully weak Hollow, or something that knew how to hide.

"Very well, I'll spend the night. It should be safer during the day. I will need to fetch a few things from my house before I head over though."

"Sounds good. Anybody got anything else?"

"Nothing on this end. Oh, wow." Karin sounded disgusted. "Why would anyone do it in a dumpster?"

"Do what in a dumpster?" Kazui asked.

"Uh. . ." Karin said. "Have dinner."

"Oh. Ew." Kazui said.

"Nothing over here." Orihime quickly added. "Be careful Uryu."

"Likewise. Over and out."

The fog around him was beginning to feel a lot like a smokescreen now. Even if it wasn't here, he could feel something watching and waiting for them.

* * *

 **The following Wednesday . . .**

One of the great joys in life for Ichigo was having a car. It was like his own little palace, on wheels! It had everything he could want from a car; air conditioning, comfortable seats, decent storage space. He could even change the radio station from the comfort of his steering wheel.

Granted it hadn't always been like this. His first car had been some rickety re-re-re-reused vehicle. It was older than Urahara he suspected, and it showed. Half of the parts needed replacing, and it didn't even have an audio jack, just a casette player. Though Uryu had helped him get around that problem with some kind of casette tape that was designed to play songs off an Ipod. But it had gotten him from home to college to Orihime's college, to back home again, so he couldn't really complain.

His second car was a mistake. It had been a useful bludgeon though.

This was his third car, and it was practically his second child. Purchased with some of his Hollow bounty money, this vessel, this chariot of the gods, was his. The glory of it made men and women lie prostrate before him and his mechanical wonder.

"Ichigo, if you love this eyesore of a car so much, why haven't you married it yet?"

Karin, the heathen, did not share in his love.

"Just you wait until you get your own car, you'll understand then." Ichigo replied.

"Can we at least turn down the music? Please?"

"I will if you apologize to the car first."

"No."

"Do it."

"I'm not apologizing to a hunk of metal."

"Do it." Ichigo leaned from his driver seat to the passenger seat, imitating the hissing tone of his Inner Hollow/Zanpakuto as he did so. He didn't do the smile, because he had standards.

But the voice seemed effective enough, because without breaking her look, Karin slowly, carefully lifted her right hand and brought it down gently on the dashboard. She brought it up, then down again. She repeated the action three more times.

"My bad car." She brought her arm back, hefting her text book carefully as she sat back into her chair. She still kept eye contact with Ichigo. "There. Better?"

"Much. We both thank you."

"You're a massive dork you know that?"

"Maybe I am," Ichigo grinned. "but I'm the massive dork with the car." Karin seemed to deflate at that, slumping in her chair with a groan. She took to her textbook as if it were a pillow and buried her face between its pages.

"I hate you." she grumbled.

"I know." Ichigo said. He looked out the window. Kazui must be held up by a teacher.

He returned his attention to the grumbling mess in a chemistry text book that was his sister. He took pity on her. She had enough challenges right now what with college.

"Here, pick a song." He held out the Ipod to her.

Karin looked up at the Ipod, then at Ichigo. Then the Ipod was gone from his hand. It took him a few solid seconds before he registered that his Ipod was gone. Before he could even register that, the Ipod was back in the little holster on the tiny vent. The song began with the sound of some mocking laughter, and a high-pitched voice saying "feel good." Ah, it had been a while since this song had come around. Ichigo could dig it. It was a good song, and it killed time until Kazui came out.

He could feel the strong beat and base lines in his legs, a euphoric sensation without a doubt. He rested his head on the seat, and looked over at the school building every so often. He wasn't in much of a rush, but he really did want to get Kazui home before it was dark out. He trusted that his son understood the risks, as much as Ichigo could reveal, so that he'd be out soon. Ichigo understood his lack of diligence here.

Right now Kazui's biggest concern was probably his photography project. One of the trees they were looking at had been uprooted, so they decided to improvise and/or cheat a little. He didn't know how often the town had come to being completely annihilated, and how there might be more threats in the future.

He had been told the risks of pursuing this life, that was for certain. But he had yet to understand them.

" _You can't hide everything from him Ichigo."_

" _I know Old Man."_

" _You will have to, someday."_

" _I know."_

" _So, King, If you know you're going to tell him, why not do it now?"_

"Oh hey, there he is." Karin said.

Ichigo blinked and looked out of the window. Sure enough there was Kazui making a beeline from the front door to his car, and there was another kid following close behind him, a kid who looked like a basketball fanatic and wore glasses. Ichigo rolled down the window and peaked out.

"Well hey ya Oni!"

"Hey Dad!" he replied. Kazui came up to the window, looking a bit sleepy but otherwise relaxed as he removed his headphones. Their daily runs were already paying off. The tall kid behind him on the other hand looked winded.

"Kazui, you, you are a lot faster than you look." he said. "You win."

"I tried to warn you Hideki." Kazui replied. "Oh, Dad, this is Hideki. We're in the same biology class."

"Hello sir. I'm Hideki Satoshi. Nice to meet you sir." Hideki extended his long arm to Ichigo, an arm so long that it reached well through the window. Ichigo almost reeled back from its entrance. But he appreciated the gesture and responded in kind, taking the hand in his own. Even the fingers were ridiculously long.

"Likewise. Ichigo Kurosaki, this little Oni's dad." Ichigo looked at Kazui, who now bore the expression of a tiny adorable puppy, with wide, beady eyes and a hopeful smile. The kid wanted him to do something.

"So Hideki, do you need a ride?"

"Oh uh, yes sir. My mom wasn't able to pick me up today, she's a nurse and she had to go in because this one patient came in after some car accident so I kind of need a ride at least to the bus station."

". . .Okay." Clearly the kid was a bit nervous with asking for help from it was no big deal. They had time for a drop-off. Kazui was teetering on the verge of giant crocodile tears anyway, the crafty kid.

"Yeah sure, hop in, we'll drop you off at your house."

"Thank you sir!" he said.

"Oh and neither of you can have shotgun." Ichigo said, to which Karin sat up more and waved a bit to the boys. Kazui returned the wave and Hideki gave a bow, trying to hide the fact that his cheeks had turned the color of ripe tomatoes for some reason.

Ichigo gestured at the back seats with his thumb, and Kazui opened to the door to hop in followed closely by Hideki, who had to crouch a bit before he was able to sit inside comfortably.

"All good back there?" Ichigo asked. "Seat belts on?"

"Yes Dad."

"I'm in sir." Hideki said. "Might I ask why there's a giant box of pocky here?"

"Oh that? Kazui's mother found a good deal on them last night," Ichigo turned the key and undid the emergency brake, switching to forward gear. "so we kind of got carried away with it and bought as much as we could carry. We're stocked up for quite awhile, so if you want to take some home, feel free. I think it's a box of chocolate pocky back there."

"Ooh thank you sir." Ichigo heard the rustling of boxes, and from the view in his rear view mirror he could see the skinny kid "going to town," if that was the right expression, on the pocky. Kazui had taken a stick and was nibbling his way through. He glanced up at the rear view mirror to see his Dad's eyes looking at him. Kazui gave a tired little nod, and Ichigo returned it.

"Oh sir, what kind of car is this? I've never seen one of this model."

"It's a Ford Mustang." Ichigo replied.

"Oh cool! I was gonna say, it looks amazing."

"Thank you Hideki."

"Is it cumbersome to drive sir? It seems a bit bigger than most cars around K.T."

"Not especially. We have our own garage and parking at the school isn't difficult. Mostly I just plan ahead if we're going out somewhere." Ichigo sighed. "But if you're going to the big city in one of these its a whole other matter." he laughed.

"How did you pick out the color? I really like it."

"Ah well that's a fun story." Ichigo replied. Then he heard Karin and Kazui groan.

"Ichigo, why?"

"Dad please no."

"What?" he said.

"You tell the story all the time every time someone asks about the color. Please for the love of all that's good at least shorten it so we don't all go insane." Karin moaned. Ichigo rolled his eyes.

"It's a long story." he said. "Suffice to say it took a long time to pick it out. Glad you like it Hideki." Ichigo tapped the little display screen just above the small air vents, enabling the audio input feature.

"What's your address?" Ichigo asked. He pointed at the display screen. Hideki leaned forward, which almost put his face on the display screen itself. He spoke the address, and the display screen showed a little path to take. It spoke, telling him to turn right two blocks ahead.

Plenty of time before sundown.

* * *

 **Later that night. . .**

"C-O-N-S-P-I-C-U-O-U-S. Conspicuous."

"Good," Orihime said. "now how would you use it in a sentence?"

"Uh. . ." Kazui paused in thought, then his eyes sparked. "Despite their efforts to remain hidden, the spies purple and pink suits made them conspicuous to the crowd."

"Not what I would've used but sure, why not." Orihime.

"Is that a bad one to use?"

"Not at all. If you associate it with something that stands out in your mind, it'll help you remember it more. So it can be something weird, scary, funny, cool, anything you feel like." Orihime paused.

"Well, as long as its something that won't get you in trouble if you say it out loud at least."

"Like what?" Kazui asked. Suddenly there was a crashing sound from the garage like someone had dropped a chandelier. Then there was the sound of concrete being shattered, followed closely by great screaming from his Dad, and his granddad.

"Ichigo, you call that a hit? Come on!"

"What the hell is wrong with you you nutjob!? Get off of me!"

"Oh what you scared ya lazy bastard?"

"I swear this is going to be the worst ass kicking in your life, you motherf-"

Orihime's hands shot out to cover Kazui's ears, much to his confusion. Her hands were like gentle steel clamps. When she removed his ears he again heard the sound of terrific crashing and screams in words that he really didn't understand the meaning to. But judging by mom's expression they were words he probably shouldn't understand.

She had walked over to the door to the garage, opened it, and then immediately the sounds of crashing had ceased, like there was never a grand ruckus to begin with.

"Oh, hello honey." Dad's voice squeaked.

"Good evening Orihime." Granddad's voice was somehow even higher in pitch.

"Kazui is trying to study. Please keep it down, orI'm going to have to put you both in time out."

"Yes honey." Dad replied

"Okay." Granddad said.

With that Orihime closed the door, slowly and quietly. She looked back at Kazui, sighed, and regained her sunny, if slightly annoyed disposition. She strolled back to the table, and sat down gracefully, dusting off her dress a bit. She scooted her chair closer to the table, and sipped her cup of water. She took a moment to enjoy the icy cold liquid. Then she looked at Kazui again.

"Stuff like what comes out of your dad and granddad's mouths when they're like that. Understood?"

"Yes mom." he nodded. "Anything when they're. . .Fighting?" To this question mom shrugged.

"Your grandfather calls it father-son bonding."

"Do you think dad will try this kind of bonding with me?"

"No I don't think so, he has common sense." Orihime chomped on her pocky. "He doesn't think it's an effective bonding method. Plus he knows that if he did try that, your aunts and I would be. . ."

"Greatly exasperated?"

"Sure lets go with that." She went to the next flashcard. "Oh look, exasperated is the next word. Since you already understand its meaning, just give the spelling."

* * *

 **At the same time, in the garage. . .**

Ichigo and his dad nursed their wounds, what few there were. The mental wounds inflicted by several seconds of staring into the unfathomable abyss were far more costly. Isshin himself looked like he had seen a ghost. Or, maybe just a really scary bear.

"Your wife is a fierce beast of a woman Ichigo."

"Why thanks Dad." Ichigo smiled. "I love my fierce beast."

"Hahaha!" Isshin laughed almost sounding like the pirates from those movies. "So where we? I forgot what we were talking about before we got distracted."

"Yeah. I don't even remember what we were fighting over."

"Your lack of ability to 'git gud' I believe it was."

"You bring that up again and I will throw you across town." Ichigo hissed.

"Fine fine. Seriously though what was it?"

"I'm not really sure. Uh, I think we were going to share info on the Adjuchas?"

"I think so? Let's go with that." Isshin coughed to clear his throat first. "So far we've got nothing. We've figured that the Adjuchas came here for the novelty of it, and did so without knowing you were here."

"Right, because otherwise he'd go running for the hills."

"Exactly. So we think its an anomaly. Nothing much is being done by Shunsui, though he said that if you suspect anything else is going on to contact the Gotei A.S.A.P. He'll have a squad on standby in case something else dangerous comes through."

"About as much activity as I suspected. Well that's good."

"Do you think there's something wrong here?" he asked.

"I sincerely hope not. I might be making a big deal out of nothing, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I mean, how often has something weird happened here that hasn't meant having to save the town from complete annihilation?"

"What about the Great March Saki Skirmish?" Isshin asked. "Wait, no never mind. That really did not end well did it?"

"No, no it did not. Once Uryu showed up everything went straight to hell."

"Damn shame too, we had the situation completely under control."

"We were outnumbered twenty-five to one Dad."

"And we had it completely under control." Isshin barked. "We had those chumps on the run didn't we?"

"I guess we did."

"Damn straight." They clinked their glasses with a proud nod in respect of that fierce battle. Ichigo wished to forget about that, the fiercest of brawls, but Isshin seemed to take no small amount of pride in their involvement. They sat in silence for a time. Isshin seemed to admire Ichigo's car a fair bit, the jealous fool.

Then Isshin cursed under his breath. "Well, we go that out of the way. But we were still talking about something else, but for the life of me I can't remember what."

Ichigo paused in thought, then it hit him "I think it was something about work back in Soul Society."

"Oh yeah!" Isshin looked pleased with himself and celebrated with a hefty swig.

"Tell me Dad, how is it being Rukia's lieutenant?" Ichigo asked.

"Oh, its great!" he boasted. "She handles all the paperwork so I can run around doing whatever I feel like! I can go get drunk or play Go whenever I feel like and there's no repercussions."

"Oh really." Ichigo said.

Isshin looked at him, confused, then he slumped in shame.

"She works me like a dog." he sighed. "I had forgotten what it feels like to do Soul Society work."

"What exactly does it feel like?"

"Like your soul is being digested for a thousand years."

Ichigo rolled his eyes."Well considering how long Shinigami live, you should be free when you're pushing however old Yamamoto was." Ichigo sipped his glass. "Give or take a millennia"

"I'm going to look like the Old Man? I don't want twelve inch eyebrows!"

Ichigo patted his dad's shoulder, nodding as he went on and on about the horror of eyebrows. "But look on the upside, you might grow that beard."

Isshin froze stiff at those words. His arm practically creaked, inch by inch, as it crept up to his chin. It sounded like coarse sandpaper being rubbed against more coarse sandpaper as he stroked his chin. His shocked expression, like a dear caught in the headlights, slowly morphed into a freakish cheshire grin.

"Yes. I can go with that. Yes." He turned to Ichigo. "We must beard up my son. We must."

"Oh no, I am not growing a beard. No-Shave November was a mistake and I made a vow to never repeat that mistake for as long as I lived. I'm never going for a beard again, final word on that."

"Oh alright." Isshin sighed. You couldn't make it work anyway."

Rolling his eyes, Ichigo raised his glass. "To Gramps."

"To Old Man Genocide." They clinked their glasses and took mighty swigs.

For a while they shot the breeze talking about life in Soul Society. Despite his dramatization of his workload, he was doing quite well back in Soul Society.

The Gotei had welcomed him back with open arms, for the most part. Toshiro had been a mixture of joy and dread, until he realized that he wasn't going to be working under Isshin anymore. Then he was quite happy to have him back, and it was the same with Rangiku.

And it had seemed to Ichigo that many of the lieutenants were pleased to have him back. Shuhei and Izuru mentioned that his dad was something of an uncle for many of them regardless of squad, who did what he could to keep their spirits up. A slightly mad uncle that got drunk and tried to host parties in the barracks, but still an uncle.

Others had been a bit more reluctant. Ichigo could still remember the pure dread on Byakuya's face when he realized who Ichigo's father was, like it had all made way too much sense for him. Apparently Isshin had joined in on Yoruichi's training of Byakuya by doing a daily morning tackle through Byakuya's window. Yoruichi later explained that her and Isshin were kind of the pranksters of the Gotei.  
Byakuya maintained courtesy and seemed glad that the Gotei would have another powerful addition, but he didn't seem especially eager to get reacquainted with that "trigger happy booze hound of a madman," which Ichigo had to admit was a strangely apropos description.

Shunsui had been particularly thrilled to welcome him back and mentioned something about partying for a week straight together, before Nanao had slapped them both upside the head. Ichigo was convinced they would get along great.

Kenpachi had also considered Isshin a friend to welcome home, though Isshin seemed less eager to hang out with a man who's definition of friend extended to "someone who can give me a good fight to the death," and learning that he was Ichigo's dad had made that desire for bloody, screaming friendship all the more deadly, so Isshin was happy to hide from the man.

Or maybe Kenpachi actually was an Oni, nobody was eager to find out.

But by far the weirdest reaction had been the one from Soi Fon, a woman that Ichigo had known only as a lady with a deadly bee sting of a shikai, and an even deadlier attitude, perhaps one more poisonous than her actual poison-based shikai. He hadn't expected much of a reaction from her at all, but she had been weirdly happy to see him back, even hugging him when nobody had been looking, before she snapped back to her usual stoic demeanor.  
When Ichigo asked Isshin about this anamoly that would interest Mayuri, whom by the way had not given a single damn that he had came back, Isshin had said that since Yoruichi and him were pretty good friends, he had tried comforting Soi Fon after she left, to varying degrees of success. Still she seemed pleased to have him back, and that was good enough for Ichigo. After all it meant that Soi Fon might stop glaring at him all the time. Maybe.

Then there was the reaction from the Shibas.

When Ganju had seen that Isshin was back, he tackled him with a bear hug to end all bear hugs.

When Kukaku had seen that Isshin was back, she kicked him, and by extension Ganju across the entirety of Soul Society.

Then she had somehow arrived at where they were both about to land and blasted them back to the Shiba residence with Raikoho.

Ichigo had honestly lost track of the time while she punted them both repeatedly, until Ganju had to be taken away when he had made a plea for "basic human decency," which only made Kukaku laugh a laugh that no person could have produced without some kind of demonic possession.

But after a few good hours of this process Kukaku forgave her brother with a mercifully less intense bear hug. Dad had said it was to be expected considering how he had disappeared, and to be fair once he had explained his reasons for leaving Kukaku had given him another hug and said she was proud of him for being so noble, if somewhat thick.

Then everyone gathered there, namely Isshin, Ganju, Kukaku, Orihime, and Ichigo himself had realized that Kukaku and Ganju were his cousins.

Ichigo's memory had been fuzzy, but he remembered seeing this great red and white blur with giant puppy eyes rushing him. Then he had blacked out from when felt like a cinder block to the head.

"Thankfully Shunsui agreed to send some funds to the Shibas in the hopes that we'd be able to restore our noble status."

"How is that going anyway? You barely mentioned it for years, I assumed it was going poorly."

"It's actually going quite well, just slow. We have to have this big vote involving the other noble families, the Central 46, and the Gotei. I've gotten support from the Kuchikis and the Shihoins of course, and I anticipate the Gotei will be in favor of it as well."

"So what's holding you up?"

"There's just so much that the Gotei does, so restoring the Shibas is somewhat lower on the list of priorities." He sipped and shrugged. "Which makes sense, and right now the others are doing fine so there's not all that much of a rush. Handling Hollows comes first and all, though I expect when the time comes to organize a meeting time the Central 46 will drag its heels."

"Have those guys ever done anything that didn't end up blowing up in their faces? Or just being pointlessly cruel?"

"For the life of me I cannot say if they have. They only considered the Vizards back in even after Aizen, and they all had to be monitored by _ until they let them fill in all the empty positions in the Gotei. They still don't fully consider Urahara, Yoruichi, or Tessai to be welcome back no matter what Shunsui is saying to them. But anyway, I'm thinking they'll be slow to accept this idea. They like having things in order and we Shibas are bit more. . . Rowdy."

"Well if they're reluctant just threaten to toss Kenpachi at them. That will change the mood."

"I was just thinking about suggesting that to Shunsui." Isshin laughed.

The image of Kenpachi running on all fours around chasing those forty six judges made Ichigo unable to hold in his drink, which he spat out in uproarious mirth.

"He'd, he'd be your personal attack dog!

"It wouldn't even take much effort!" Isshin said. "I could just say that those old farts were secretly warriors who retired, and he'd just go at it without a second thought!"

"You wouldn't even have to do that much! Just put up a sign outside their headquarters that says 'Secret Badass Warriors Club, Taking All Challengers!' Then just sit back with some popcorn!"

"You're right!" Isshin clapped, barely able to contain his laughter. "It'd take just five minutes!"

"Not even five minutes! More like five seconds!"

Isshin paused, he looked like he was staring into a candy shop.

"What, what is it?"

"I should put up a sign saying exactly that outside Byakuya's house! I can see it now 'Byakuya's Secret Training Club, Captains Welcome!' This is going to be gold! Quick, fetch me poster board!"

"Yes! I think there's some in the cabinet next to the tools!"

And so they set about their work to make Byakuya's life a living hell, just as father and son were always meant to do in a tradition that was sure to last a lifetime.

* * *

 **Later that evening. . .**

The human world was filthy.

Needler hated its smell, its look, its weather. He hated this wretched place on every conceivable level. Most of all he hated that he had to be here, in this town that was ten miles east of the middle of nowhere, just south of jack all. All the insects and microbes and bacteria moving about, the sounds of life may have pleased him in whatever past life he had, but now all this activity, all these dreadful organisms filling the place just made everything so disgusting.

He hated it. He hated hated hated hated hated it.

"Needler, when do we get out there and start killing these people."

And yet somehow his coworker elicited even more hatred than that.

"I'm so bored here, I want to kill something already? I'm sick of this place. Can we play some cat and mouse with an old man. How about some hangman with a family? That's when you hang them one by one if they don't get the words right. Man I would really love to cut up some people right now, bring my friends with me and just go nuts for a while, you know what I mean?"

How some snot-nosed punk had become a Menos, retained individuality to eat other Menos and evolve into Adjuchas, then rose above Needler in their group and hadn't been stabbed by the others was an unsolvable mystery that would've kept him up at night if he needed sleep. He wished he did need sleep, because that would've given him a moments peace and quiet from this. . .Thing.

"For the last time, this isn't that kind of mission. We're to scout and report." he growled. "Ideally something useful so that I don't get my head chopped off." he muttered to himself.

"Aww, but my sword is crying out for blood. Can't you hear it?" Needler heard the sound of a sword being removed from a sheath, and growled. The freak actually had the gaul to try unsheathing his sword here!?

Needler moved so that he was up in the freak's face. His quills rose and he raised his tail to point the gigantic knives squarely at this thing that Boss had ordered him to take.

"Do not draw that sword." he said. "Or I will jam it through your heart myself."

The freak stared back, and their horns were practically touching at this point. The little upstart held his gaze. Despite his own great power, the little runt clearly had fear in his eyes, or respect. Whether it was respect or fear that lead him to then sheath his sword, Needler didn't care. All he wanted was for this creature to follow orders.

"Why do you hate the sword so much? It hasn't harmed you."

"Maybe not, but I've seen hundreds of these kill thousands of us. I don't care what creature is wielding that kind of weapon, a Zanpakuto is a Zanpakuto, and I hate Zanpakuto."

"Is it because you're jealous you don't have one?"

"Not even close," he growled. "I don't need an imitation Shinigami weapon to kill."

Needler turned away from the welp, refocusing his attention on the town. At least this killer of Firebrand wasn't living in a big city like Tokyo, then it would be nigh impossible to find them. The one benefit of this worthless town was that it was small. All they would have to do was keep watch on places of great social activity until they detected reishi.

"Welp-"

"My name is-"

"Consider this a quiz. Say you are to track down an undercover Shinigami. You are not to be found lest you and your group will be massacred. How would you do it?"

"Well I'd cause general havoc, then disappear before they got there. Once their guard was down I'd decapitate them, because that's one of the sure-fire ways to kill them instantly."

"You're an idiot. The mission is to scout, locate, and report back. Now, try again. Please." Soon enough Needler himself would be ripping out the punk's heart and then he'd be the one laughing.

"I guess I'd try to find them running around at night, maybe stage an attack with someone expendable to lure them out. But if that didn't work I'd assume they were hiding amongst the humans, and so track them that way. Probably track them through population centers."

"Good. I see your brain is at least still thinking like one of us."

"Dude, have you not been hearing me go on and on and on about killing these guys."

"Yes. I have. You sound like a pretentious adolescent. You haven't killed a Shinigami yet, so your job here is to watch and observe along with me."

"Do I get to use my friends?"

"No! You idiot! If these Shinigami learn that one of your kind is involved, and they most certainly suspect something, they will quickly try finding the group, and then we're all dead. Have you not felt the reishi's running around here for the past several days? We'd be taken apart in seconds. No, we'll be going by feel until we get something more definite."

Then Needler got an idea.

"Say, welp, do you need to release your sword to use your invisibility?"

"No." he paused. "Why?"

"Simple, you're going to be my eyes during the day."


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: Feel free to offer up questions on elements in the story, though keep it SFW of course.

* * *

The nighttime fog of Karakura Town has been described numerous times before, how it clings to the roofs and streets when the air is cold and the breeze comes in from the east.

But while the nighttime fog is a foreboding sign to some and a mild inconvenience to many, the daytime mist was a daily wonder. The morning fog was something of a legend that was known across almost the entire country, known for its heavenly glow when the sun rose, as well as the haunting air that came with it before dawn. It had been the source of many urban legends and fairy tails. Some said that when the sun rose from the perfect angle, anyone who stared directly at it through the fog in the center of the town would be granted an epiphany about themselves, or realize the meaning of life, or find their one true love, or gain the powers of a God.

That last one had been tested by many a Hollow over the years, and coincidentally it had become a past time for Ichigo and Uryu to take pot shots at those same Hollows who had the idiocy to stand out in the open for nearly an hour, and Urahara sometimes when he was hungover.

Hey, it woke him up didn't it?

* * *

"How much longer Ichigo?"

Orihime saw Ichigo looking at his watch quickly, for he was worried about tripping on on the many bumps in the trail. No telling what kind of budget cut there was around here.

"About ten more minutes." he said.

"Good. Think you can keep up with me?"

"Oh just you watch." Ichigo put on a burst of speed to gain ground ahead of her, but Orihime was determined to stay hot on his trail. But with the pace he was keeping she'd definitely come in second with what he had suddenly decided was a race between them.  
She returned her attention to the trail ahead, what little she could see through the mist. They should be there soon, just in time. If they had gone in spirit form they would've had an hour to enjoy seeing the last slivers of evening to watch the fog. But Orihime had insisted going for a human jog to enjoy the journey more. It was the little things between them that added up into the best things.

Some many years ago she and Ichigo had woken up early, brought blankets and a grand basket filled with breakfast food, and hiked up to the top of a small hill just outside of the town, on the border between it and the mountains really. They were both crabby as. . .Well, crabs as they hiked up, but luckily that collective grouch had made them both realize it'd be best to be quiet on the way up. On the upside the hike was easy for them. By that point Orihime was already well into her training under Yoruichi, so it was more of a brisk stroll for them both.

But now she was struggling to keep up? Yoruichi would be ashamed of her, once she had gotten enough head scratches. Orihime refused to let down her nyan-sensei! She had to press onward! Faster faster faster!

Her legs carried her across the trail as if the air was itself a cushion that she just bounced off of with each step she made. She could hear the gravel scattering in her wake, and judging from the way Ichigo looked back at her, he could hear it too. Yet another moment when she surprised him. She was already right beside him, and grinned with no small amount of smugness at him.

"You were saying?"

To this he could only respond with another burst of speed, again moving up ahead of her! Orihime refused to be bested in this race! She put yet more effort into her own legs and again gained ground.

By the time they had reached the site, they were both lying on the gravel with lungs that were on fire. If Orihime hadn't been nearly immolated by Yoruichi, several times, she would've thought that her lungs actually were on fire. But no, no burns today, just complete exhaustion.

"Do you. Feel as tired. As I do?" Ichigo panted.

"Depends. How tired. Are you?" she replied.

"Please. Don't get. Sassy. Can't handle it." he said.

"Ha. You're more tired. Than me. I can take. Whatever sass. You dish out. You wuss."

"You are. More stubborn. Than a herd of rhinos. You madwoman."

"I learned it. From you."

Ichigo chuckled. "Touche." He rolled on his side, looking at her.

There was sweat on his forehead, he was gasping for air, and the gravel wasn't exactly comfortable for either of them. But, then again, who cared? A nice shower would remove any lingering woes, and right now was a very special moment that no amount of gravel-covered yoga pants could ruin. She rolled onto her own side to face him, trying and failing to hide her own exhaustion.

"Shame no sleeping bag not relaxing fruit." she said. "Gravel rough need bagel coffee futon cheese."

"You said it. Next time we'll bring up a sleeping bag or two, and some fruit to eat. And yeah the gravel's rough. We should have some bagels with cream cheese when we get back, maybe lie on that futon we borrowed and watch some TV."

Orihime smiled and jabbed his shoulder. "Have I ever mentioned how glad I am that you can understand my gibberish?"

"Yes." he smiled back. "Always a pleasure to be your gibberish translator."

Orihime rested her arm on his head, and began stroking that curiously orange hair. It made him look like a giant chrysanthemum whenever he woke up with bed hair.

"Still think that legend is gibberish?" she asked.

"Maybe." he replied.

One of the legends of the fog and sun was that, when one watched the sun rise through the fog, it would give them knowledge to find their true love. More than a few people had tested this, gaining naught but brief blindness and a caffeine desire. For Orihime and her omnilingual husband, this had been different.

Sometime after Ichigo had killed Yhwach so hard he couldn't retcon his own death, the two of them found themselves with a lot of free time, given that it was summer vacation at the time. This gave them time to sleep off the battles, enjoy some parties with friends, and for once go several months without a monster attack.

Well there was the Kaiju Offensive, but that hadn't been on Karakura Town.

Surprisingly.

During this time of relative peace, they decided to spend more time together, as Uryu and Chad frequently had their own duties to attend to. These multiple socialization sessions turned into dates, and during their week-long investigations into Karakura urban legends, they stumbled across the one of true love in the fog. Like most of these legends, Ichigo brushed it off as some drunkard or occasionally Urahara having a laugh. But he wanted to see it regardless, with her specifically. So they packed food and a small tent and made their way over to spend the night, with s'mores galore and ghost stories.

When they awoke well before, it had been a frigid air that greeted them, even when bundled up. Orihime must have been shivering, she didn't remember how much exactly. But what she did remember was that at some point she felt an arm resting on her shoulders. Ichigo's arm. Without thinking, and yet with a thousand thoughts buzzing through her head, she had rested her head on his shoulders. Then she brought her arm around his frankly absurd chest, and soon after his other arm went to her other shoulder, and she let him pull her in close.

There they had been, embracing each other for warmth in the icy breeze as they watched the fog. Slowly but surely its gray and silver form gained a golden tint around its edges. This tint crept to cover the rest of the fog, making it glow as if it were a dull light bulb. The light and heat came through soon after.

Staring into the light had earned them both only squinted eyes and averted gazes. Gazes that fell to each other's eyes. When the heat washed over them, they did not separate. And since that day, they never had.

"You okay Orihime?"

"Huh?" she asked.

"I said are you okay? You looked distracted."

Orihime shook her head, and smiled.

"Just remember one of the best days of my life." she said. Ichigo smiled as well.

"Me too."

They both looked to the fog, and several golden rays were beginning to pierce the vale. They watched, never looking away as the light grew more and more bright.

"Here it comes." she said.

"Uh oh."

Sure enough, that accursed ball of fire and radiation swept aside the fog, and brought with it the light of a new day. A very blinding light that Orihime and Ichigo had to avert their gaze from, and found themselves gazing into each others squinting eyes.

"Yup, still a bad idea." Ichigo said. "Sunlight hurts."

"How could we have known?" Orihime groaned. "I've led us to our doom!"

Suddenly she felt two warm lips place themselves upon her own. Her initial surprise was overcome by a quiet chuckle deep in her throat, and she returned the kiss happily.

"Wow." she said. "That was. Wow."

"I'll go with you into any doom." he said.

The next words out of his mouth came as a pained jumble of syllables, as he was suddenly wrenched into the iron grip of Orihime's famous hugs. His training, the years of hell and combat to the death with opponents that could obliterate cities, kill with a thought, and bend the very laws of time and space to their whim, none of it meant a thing when he was confronted with his wife's hugs. He couldn't move his arms to respond to the hug, or ideally, escape. He was trapped.

"Orihime," he grunted, feeling air leaving his lungs fast. "can we get going?"

"Not yet. We've got time."

"Can you loosen your grip?"

"No."

* * *

 **Later that day. . .**

The fog had swiftly vanished come sunrise, as it did on most days. The town itself enjoyed a beautiful if somewhat chilly early afternoon. There were a fair number of thick gray clouds overhead, but not so many that it made the day itself gray. There were specks of sunlight piercing through the veil and left the town in a mixture of pale gray and dim gold. This curious mixture of colors extended for miles around, including the Phantom Canyon. The typical fog was gone from that area, but the magical fog that Urahara had conjured up many years ago remained.

It was a good thing that he had modified several of the forty two barriers to cancel out sound from within the canyon, because as of this moment, anyone with several miles would've heard the racket.

A bright blue arrow embedded itself in the ground all the way up to its fletching. Then it was joined by seventy eight more arrows around it, and then immediately after that around one hundred and thirty two more arrows decided to make their homes deep in the ground, each one leaving a thick burst of dust and gravel.

Individually the impacts were small, a minor inconvenience if the arrow had landed right in front of someone's feet. But when multiplied by the hundreds, they left a thick cloud of dust, a cloud that slithered, then darted, then zipped, around the canyon. This snake of dust was following close behind its target, Ichigo Kurosaki.

Ichigo was following the hail of arrows closely, switching his focus between dozens of them in seconds, and moving appropriately. If a cluster came from his left, he'd slide to the right, and if they came from every direction, he'd slice them out of the sky.

Three coming to his right were sliced into spirit particles that faded almost instantly. Three more came sweeping in towards his legs, so he hopped back to make them sweep back up at his chest, and they bounced off of his small blade, shattering into more particles. The impact of the arrows was negligible, like heavy rainfall on an umbrella.

The rest of the rain however was already hot on his trail, coming like a wave at him. He jumped back with enough force to crack the ground and went soaring. He glanced behind him to see that the nearest wall of the canyon was fast approaching him with its great speed.

Wait, _his_ great speed.

He was not eager to get pinned with thousands of arrows racing towards him, in a repeat of the Great Saki Skirmish. His hop back carried him across the ground, and he swung his legs up and over him in a slow but smooth arc. Now he was looking straight down at the rushing torrent of gravel and stone.

With his free left hand he splayed out his fingers and jabbed at the ground. He felt the ground crunch underneath his hand, before he was launched back through the hair. Then dozens of arrows peppered around his hand impression just as he gained altitude. He soared back up, and he saw the wall in the bottom of his vision.

He crouched before he landed, and before he could say "nailed it," the wave of arrows was rushing up the wall at him already. What's more is that it had gained speed. One arrow landed at his feet, and he jumped back. If he had been a second behind he would've been hit dozens of times over. He jumped back and up to the right, and the arrows followed. He zigged and it likewise zigged. He zagged, and it zagged after him.

The seemingly never-ending walls of the canyons were serving him well, but if he was remembering it correctly he didn't have much room left. He could jump about twelve stories at this level, and these walls reached up to about eighty stories. Another few jumps and he'd be in the air. His current trajectory wouldn't let him regain flight control before he'd get skewered.

So he made a sharp turn to run along the side of the wall. It took him digging in his feet to slow down, and then he had to fling himself to the side before he was able to plant his feet in to make a quick jog across the wall. The wall of arrows followed him, but now he could fire back.

He aimed his smaller sword at Uryu's position. The tip summoned a tiny ball of light. He made a swipe, which drew a line of light that shot out as a wave of energy. It flew, and the hail of arrows stopped for a few seconds. He saw the movement of a white and a giant blue bow, and then the explosion of his attack from where Uryu had been standing. Perfect.

But Ichigo wasn't anywhere near done. He swept back and forth as he moved, forming figure eights with his sword each time. Uryu hopped back away every time, barely avoiding the explosions of Getsuga Tenshou. The one time Ichigo could get him to let up was when he forced him to move, and now he had a good opportunity to close the gap.

He made another swipe, but this time he formed a circle. He kept running, but the circle remained in the air behind him. When he got further he drew another circle in the air, and ducked under six arrows. He felt one cut off a few hairs.

He made two more circles, then he slammed his feet into the wall and bent back so that his back ran parallel to the curving wall of the canyon. He lookd back to see that the wall of arrows was already rushing at him, but there was a clear shot for him if he was careful. He jumped back off the wall and kept his arms to his sides, minimizing his chance of getting hit as he passed.

It was a dumb idea to charge headfirst into enemy fire. A very dumb idea indeed. But that's what made it perfect against Uryu. Tacticians such as him or Byakuya generally expected their opponents to be somewhat capable of rational thought, and nothing said lack of rational thought quite like "I'll run into their fire, what's the worse that could happen?" If Uryu had anticipated this, Ichigo would've already been hit. But he wasn't being hit.

For a few seconds he was free, and that was all he needed to swipe his sword in a long trail through the four circle he had drawn. While they glowed with the connection, he spun back in a flip to reorient himself towards the ground far below, and he performed a flash step up into the air. For a brief moment the world smeared together with his speed, until he ended it high in the air.

He first heard the circles roar the sound of Getsuga Tenshou, and saw them firing similarly to Cero as they did. Now was the time to move, and he used a flash step to redirect himself and fly towards Uryu. But to fly at a Quincy straight on was suicide, so he dipped down as he flew. The beams hit the ground and boomed with blue fire and rubble, creating a thick smokescreen for him.

Already he saw several dozen lights coming his way. He swerved from side to side above the ground, safely from the arrows. Uryu couldn't see him of course, and at the moment Ichigo kept his spiritual pressure low. Closer and closer.

Then he felt a spike in Uryu's spiritual pressure, and even through the thick cloud he could see a dull but large light, straight ahead. Either Uryu was using a spotlight, or he was going to use his favorite technique, a technique that Ichigo loathed every time he used it. Licht Regen.

 _"Cheater."_

Ichigo drew his larger sword while sheathing the smaller one, and quickly gripped it by the cloth. Without a second to spare he began spinning it at top speed in front of him. Then shouted his two favorite words for Uryu to hear.

"Getsuga Tensho!" The sword was bathed in sapphire flames up to the hilt, and the speed at which it spun spread the flames on the canvas of air. Then the wall of arrows came rushing at him. The cloud of dust and dirt was pierced hundreds of times over with the plinks and planks of arrows against his sword reminded him of heavy rain on tin roofs.

The impact of them was considerably more than Uryu's normal arrows, he had definitely moved up from light stun rounds now.

But no amount of arrows were going to slow him down. He kept the sword spinning, and it sliced through or ricoched all the arrows that came at him. The speed he put on caused the sword to spin at an angle, and the flame of Getsuga Tensho swirled all around him so that the world was tinted with blue flames. But the world was already glowing blue from all of the arrows trying to pepper him in sharp points. His sword was cutting a swath through them, but he wasn't about to drop his guard yet.

Now was the time to get creative. Uryu most certainly had something else up his sleeve. Luckily Ichigo had a second weapon he could use up his own. With smaller blade in hand he summoned Gestuga Tensho, but this time he kept the flame around the sword, and swelled it to triple the blade's length and double its width. He shifted it to a backhand grip and held it out so that the sword's flame cut deep into the ground. He heard the loud continuous crunch of stone as it passed through.

"Getsuga Tensho." Ichigo swung the blade up in a reverse "c," just barely below where his larger sword was spinning. The fires shot off of his sword, and at this angle it shattered and kicked up the ground. More dust was thrown and thickened his smokescreen, but it also sent up several boulders that went tumbling forth, one of which rose right in front of him. He heard the arrows hit the boulder but it did not break. Now he could see the giant blue Quincy bow up ahead.

He stopped spinning Zangetsu, jumped at the boulder, and swung with the smaller blade. Before he could make a scratch, the boulder was split in two by the mere force of his swing. With his larger sword resting on his shoulder and his other held to his side, he slipped between the two halves. Once he was clear he zipped to the right with a flash step, then slid on the ground.

He glided to a sudden stop where the Quincy bow was, where it was pointing still at the distant canyon wall, to Ichigo's left. He knew Uryu's rough proportions from when he had to relocate his shoulders after the Great Saki Skirmish, so that when he aimed his larger sword upwards, he was certain it was pointed at Uryu's neck. He could feel the stoicism radiating off of him alongside his spiritual pressure. This was the right spot.

He summoned Getsuga Tenshou to his smaller sword. Before the flame could be completed however, he willed the technique to disperse. This sent out a gust of pale blue light in all directions. Instantly the cloud was banished. The air was clear, and so was his view of Uryu.

"Got you." Ichigo said.

His sword was aimed squarely at Uryu's neck, and the Quincy stood ramrod stiff in an archer's stance still aimed at the distant canyon wall. His composure was unbroken, and the only indication that he was caught off guard was a single drop of sweat on his forehead. His eyes slowly turned to look at Ichigo and the tip of Zangetsu to his neck.

"So you have." he said, dry as wisky.

"I think I win. Do you admit I'm right?"

"I would." Uryu's trigger thumb adjusted itself, curiously. "But I would look around you Kurosaki."

Ichigo look to his right. There was a Seele Schneider embedded in the ground. To his left there was another. Ichigo looked around Uryu to the right and the left. There were two more there, and he didn't need to look behind him to know there was probably a fifth one there as well. That meant that he and Uryu were in the center, where Sprenger would trigger.

"When the hell did you manage to set this up?"

"I almost didn't. You were moving fast, so I had to throw this down quickly." Uryu's trigger thumb moved again, but this time it revealed a small black remote trigger in his hand. His thumb was resting on the button. If he wanted to he could fry them both and leave nothing but fantastic clothes for Urahara to pawn off.

"Well that's handy." Ichigo said.

"I'd only have to push this and we're both dead."

"Oh come on, you know this wouldn't kill either one of us Uryu. I've got this armor that wouldn't take a scratch from even your Sprenger. Plus my Blut Vene on top of my Shinigami durability. I'm also willing to bet that your Blut wouldn't leave you wounded either."

Uryu smirked. "You're right on both counts Kurosaki. This probably wouldn't do much damage. But it would damage us both enough for me to regain a tactical advantage."

"You do realize that I have a sword pointed at your throat."

"I do, but you are stretched out. You couldn't swing to slice my throat like this, and you'd need a second that I wouldn't give you to get closer."

"I could also vaporize your skull." Ichigo replyed.

"Ah yes, you can use Getsuga Tensho without speaking its name. Correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't that weaken the technique considerably?"

"It does weaken the technique yes. But I'd be shooting at your throat. I don't need to cut through it to leave you in pain. When it hit then I could go for you legs, or your arms when you tried to shoot me."

"True. But do you think a weakened Getsuga Tensho could stun me enough with my Blut Vene active?"

"Do you?"

". . ." Uryu paused.

". . ." Ichigo said nothing.

They stood there, silent with only the wind and shifts in gravel to break it. Ichigo was certain of what actions to take, yet he wasn't sure why Uryu would do. Judging by Uryu's expression he was likewise confident in his thoughts, but uncertain on what Ichigo himself would do.

"It would seem we are an impasse Kurosaki, or do you think otherwise?"

"No, I think that's an apt description of the situation. We have a case of mutually assured destruction right here."

"Indeed. Neither one of us can move without possibly getting killed. This is irritating."

"You're telling me. How do we resolve this? I think continuing the fight is pointless."

"Well how do we settle the argument then?"

"Just call it a draw you clucking hens!" Urahara shouted.

There was a stretch of silence. Ichigo and Uryu looked at each other, and both tried, poorly to cover their growing sense of shame. Ichigo pulled back his swords and placed them in their respective sheaths, and he heard the familiar crackles of Uryu's bow vanish into the ether.

Ichigo zipped over to one of the Seele Schneider and wrenched it out of the ground.

"You've gotten a lot faster with setting up Sprenger." Ichigo said. He zipped to another sword. "I didn't even notice you setting them up."

"Thank you. I knew you would notice something was wrong if I just sent bursts, so I used Licht Regen to keep you busy. Seems to have worked rather well."

"Always so cheeky." Ichigo sighed, picking up his third Seele Schneider. He considered it a mark of pride that the weapons retained their glowing blades in his grip. It meant he had gained a certain mastery of his Quincy abilities, and he had gained some fair skill with wielding these little buzz saw weapons. But the bought was now over, so he had no use. He cut off his flow of reiatsu to the sword, and the blade disappeared. With that done he was next to Uryu, a flash step that made Uryu flinch.

"Very funny." he said, taking the swords back. "And before you use that old 'I could remove my restraint completely' argument, don't."

"Well, you've never fought me to that point to see how fast I can remove it, Ishida." Ichigo cracked his neck and felt the satisfying loosening of those joints with a sigh.

"I do know that you need several seconds to do so, and that you can't do so instantly without causing significant collateral damage. So that's two criteria for you to meet; buy enough time to release it, and do so in a spot where you won't flatten everyone around you."

"I could do that easily." Ichigo replied. To no surprise at all, Uryu's eyebrow arched.

"Urahara!" Uryu shouted.

"Yes?" Urahara replied.

Ichigo reached out to Uryu. "Oh come on you don't-" but Uryu raised his hand for silence.

"What would happen if Ichigo released his restraint completely, right here, right now?"

"Nothing good." he shouted back.

"What would happen to the canyon?"

"There wouldn't be a canyon. And I wouldn't give Karakura town good odds either."

"There," Uryu said to Ichigo. "you see?"

"I can move you." Ichigo said. "And I'm faster."

"Indeed." Uryu sighed. "I fear this debate will never end."

"Yep, so how about we just agree to drop it. I'm getting a little hungry."

"Now that you mention it, I am too."

So they went back to where Urahara and their ice chest was. Inside were tidings of sandwiches, jucies, non-alcoholic beers, trail mix. Everything that could be snacked upon would be snacked. Except for the beers. Urahara had morphed them all into alcoholic beers, because of course he could and would do that. What else would he do? Not drink the stuff?

"That had been interesting to watch." Urahara said between gulps. "You guys went nuts there."

Ichigo nodded, then took a great bite out of his sandwich. His taste buds rejoiced with the crackles of true flavor, and he had to hold back a purr with the joy in his very soul.

"We did didn't we?" he looked to Uryu, who was sitting with his legs crossed on the flat boulder. "What exactly were we fighting over? I remember we were taking shots like usual and then. . ."

"Wait, you don't remember either?" Uryu asked. "I was just about to ask you why we were fighting in the first place."

". . .Well, this is embarrassing isn't it."

"Rather. Damn. Why were we fighting."

Suddenly Urahara spoke up. "You were arguing whether Sadako or Kayako were better."

". . .What." Uryu said.

". . .Huh." Ichigo said. "Yeah, sounds like us."

"Come now Kurosaki, we could not possibly have gotten into such an argument that we'd resort to-"

"Kayako is not an effective ghost."

Uryu went stiff, and his eyes narrowed, becoming cold in their gaze. Ichigo noticed that his trigger finger twitched, just a little bit when he had finished speaking that statement, that simple fact.

"See? Your trigger finger twitched just now. You were thinking of shooting me."

"No I wasn't."

"Yes you were."

"Okay, maybe I was."

"Told you."

"Yup," Urahara said. "One insult lead to another, then it was 'Getsuga Tensho' this and 'Licht Regen' that. The two of you are such incredible dorks that it's not even funny."

"Did we decide on which ghost was better?" Ichigo asked.

"Depends on if you think a choke slam qualifies as an answer, or if a roundhouse kick is an effective retort." Urahara sighed. "Then again that's how most people communicate with me so what do I know?"

"Who did the choke slam and the roundhouse kick?" Uryu asked.

"Does it really matter at this point?" Ichigo replied, cutting off Urahara.

"I suppose not." Uryu sighed. "It would be nice if we got some kind of definitive answer to this. I'm sure we're not the only people who've wanted to know which ghost was better. Or at least I hope so."

"You two do know-"

"We could rewatch The Ring and The Grudge and figure out which one is better?"

"Which versions? Ours or the American ones?" Uryu replied.

"Well the American Ring movies aren't too bad. Not sure about the Grudge films though."

"Guys." Urahara said.

"We need to agree on a movie that most definitely establishes their-"

"Hey! Guys!"

"What!?" Ichigo and Uryu shouted as if they had been practicing it for years. Urahara looked positively livid with them both, but that faded when he took another sip.

Then the sip turned into a chug.

Urahara burped, a sound that echoed through the canyon, to Ichigo and Uryu's horror.

"You had something you wanted to say Urahara?" Uryu sighed.

"Yes," he burped. "I wanted to say that I know the way you could settle this debate. At long last."

At that moment a silence fell upon the canyon. One not heard of, so to speak, since the silent howl of Mugetsu many years ago. But wheres that had broken Aizen, this silence preceeded a breaking of something in Ichigo and Uryu's minds.

Somewhere in their minds there was a degree of self-restraint. A dignity and self-respect that was found in all people, something that most rarely crossed with the knowledge that one was a thinking, feeling person and thus should conduct themselves with some standards. Neither of them had crossed this threshold since they had met each other. This was a barrier that once broken would not be easily repaired. If they went past this point, the consequences would affect the town.

"What. Do. You. Mean." Uryu said.

"Tell us." Ichigo hissed.

"What I mean is that they released a new movie with Sadako and Kayako together. It's called The Ring vs The Grudge. Or Sadako vs Kayako, either or works I suppose."

When Urahara had finished speaking he found himself almost nose to nose with the two madmen.

Ichigo had somehow gained a grin that was not at all human. Somehow it was literally reaching from ear to ear, and the shape of his teeth were akin to serrated kitchen knives. Possibly the weirdest part was that his eyes were lacking in pupils and sclera. There was nothing there but black, soulless pits, and his hair looked similarly bestial and ragged.

Uryu on the other was the opposite, composed, quiet, and precise in his glare. He looked human, very, very human in his stare, a cold look that was filled with the singular thought of extracting information by whatever means possible. He was even paler than normal, looking almost albino, and his glasses lost all transparency and looked like spotlights. There was no smile, and no frown either. Just a line.

"Where." Uryu said. Ichigo looked incapable of coherent vocalization.

"Last I checked the next showing in the nearest theater is in downtown Tokyo."

"When." Uryu replied, his voice cold. Urahara whipped out his phone.

"About ten minutes from now."

There was a pause from all three men.

Then there was only one man present.

Urahara had fallen to the ground in a burst of dust and gravel, leaving him alone in an grand echoing canyon.

"Rather rude." he muttered. "Just leave me here and go see a movie several dozen miles away. 'Hey Urahara do you want to come with us to see the movie?' Nobody ever invites me along, it's always 'Invent this Urahara, repair this Urahara, save the world Urahara, stop injecting me Urahara, I need my legs to walk Urahara.' Nobody ever asks Urahara wants to do." he sighed. "And now I'm sitting here by myself, talking about myself in third person."

Urahara looked at the beer bottle. It was half full. He looked to his side, where he usually placed the bottles when he was done. But there wasn't a single bottle there. He only had the one.

"Huh." he said. He poured the beer onto the ground.

Maybe it was time to take up fruit smoothies.

* * *

 **One hour and forty-five minutes later in a Tokyo theater. . .**

Ichigo and Uryu had not moved an inch since the credits rolled.

By this point, the only people remaining in the theater were two teens making out four rows below them. Thankfully they were quiet.

Uryu had gotten the popcorn in Ichigo's lap, which by now was empty. Ichigo would've bought some himself, but that would've been problematic considering he was a ghost, essentially. The popcorn was gone, and it had been pleasing to eat throughout the film, but now it rested in his lap, hollow, covered in butter, and leaving a sensation like they had been eating their own souls. Which wasn't an inaccurate description for their mental state at the moment.

They didn't say anything. They didn't exchange any looks or make snide remarks about the film. All they could do was sit in sullen silence, staring at the credits roll. Eventually the teenage couple left, but neither of them noticed their departure. They didn't notice much of anything except the hollow sensation in their chests. It was only when Ichigo sighed did things change.

"Yeah." Uryu said. "That was. . ."

"Yeah." Ichigo replied. "I mean. The music was good."

"That it was. I'm probably going to download the soundtrack later actually."

"They knew what they were doing with the music for sure."

"No question. I bought the horror of everything, and the imagery was good. When Sadako and Kayako collided, and they turned into that mass of. . .What was that?"

"I have no clue but it looked like a giant ball of hair, eyeballs, and teeth."

"That sounds right, I have no idea what I saw but it looked. . .Interesting. They made the effects look good certainly."

Ichigo nodded. "I never once doubted that these were Sadako and Kayako and that ghost boy."

"Toshio Saeki."

"Right. So we're in agreement that music, looks, acting were all good?"

"Most certainly we are, so that saves time. Every element worked well, though those two lead girls were a bit too screechy for my taste."

"How do you mean?" Ichigo asked.

"Well you've been in combat and in situations that leave most with nightmares. At some point you wouldn't be able to scream and act frightened, your body is focused on fight or flight."

"Ah yeah you're right. It's like that old King Kong film, just nothing but screaming." Ichigo sat up in his chair. "So, decent."

"Yeah. Decent." Uryu looked to Ichigo. Ichigo returned the look, and they nodded.

"Now let us never speak of it again."

"Agreed."

* * *

 **That evening, back in Karakura Town. . .**

Thursdays were generally a pleasant and relaxing day among the Kurosakis. Unlike most other days they reached a happy equilibrium between enjoying a quiet evening and getting work done. Ichigo, or rather, Kon, had been able to handle a few bruises on children thinking they could grind rails.

Ichigo spared Kon a pat on the head, a gesture that the plushie grinned at even though his attention was focused almost entirely on the TV. He could be a perverted loud-mouthed squeaky-voiced nincompoop but he wasn't all that.

He was also a loud sleeper.

But beneath that he was often a compassionate soul, a trait that he had had fewer and fewer chances to show off in the past from when Ichigo had first met him. But despite the bizarre events that befell them all on a weekly basis, Kon kept hold of his good heart. Karin had spoken highly of his handling of the children, and reassurances towards the parents that at the most their children would have sore knees and wounded prides. He had even given the kids chocolates to help them feel better.

So for Ichigo it was a slow, quiet evening of double-checking paperwork and making sure he was all stocked up on medical supplies. So far it was looking all up to code. Not the most exciting thing in the world, but on the other hand he had flown from Karakura Town to downtown Tokyo just a few hours earlier. He had had his excitement for the day. He had paperwork, funny television in the backgroud, and a lovely fruit smoothie.

Orihime sat across from him at the table, likewise working through paperwork, namely grading. She placed some emphasis on art history in her class, so every so often she'd assign a research paper to her students on a brief history of clay pots, painting, calligraphy, and so on. As Ichigo understood it, she'd have the students look at painting styles from various nations to expand their horizons. So for tonight that meant that she'd be grading their papers.

A lot of teachers seemed to loath it, but Orihime always looked cheerful doing it. She genuienely enjoyed seeing what her students presented to her and giving them feedback, and if a student of hers put genuine effort towards her class, she was ecstatic to see what they put forth, even if, to Ichigo, it seemed worthless or shoddy. But then again he wasn't the most artistic person, and she had studied this subject for years. She was just happy to see her students grow and present their opinions.

Kazui and Karin meanwhile were finishing up their homework, even while they glanced at the TV.

"How's math homework you two?" Ichigo asked

"I feel like I want to die." Karin replied.

"Almost done dad." Kazui said.

Kazui and Karin could both be trusted with work and TV. Besides, it was a show that Kon loved, but nobody else did. It was one of those mysteries that Ichigo had given up on, why a mod soul would have such a love of soap operas of all things.

"Oh, Orihime" Ichigo looked up from his work as a thought popped in his head. "will Kazui's friend be coming by tomorrow?" Ichigo was careful to whisper, and Orihime kept the hushed tone.

"Yup." she sighed.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"Not with Miki no. The girl is so precious," she ran her hand through her hair. "but the parents were a bit strict. I had to work some serious teacher charms on them to get them to agree to this. Quite possibly the most uptight parents I've met with."

"They couldn't have been that bad, right?" Ichigo asked. "I mean you are a teacher, didn't that help?"

"You would think, but I'm guessing that 'art' didn't fall underneath what a real teacher is in their minds." Orihime sighed. "I ended up listing my credentials as if we were making small talk. They're crazy, " she gripped Ichigo's collar. "Crazy I tell you. They gave me a list of foods she isn't allowed to eat, when she should wake up, how her hair should be brushed. They're mad."

"You're making up some of that." Ichigo said, choosing to ignore the fact that by this point him and his wife were touching noses. Her aghast expression melted into a pout.

"You're no fun." she said.

"I am plenty of fun, I just know when you're trying to freak me out. I know some of your tricks." Ichigo took no small amount of satisfaction in saying those words, while her eyes narrowed into a sharp glare that pierced into his soul. But then he was smacked on the lips by her own, and she reclined back into her chair with a stick of her tongue at him.

"Should I extend out the couch for her?" Ichigo asked. "I can set up a bed."

"Yes, that'd be great. I'll be picking her up from school with Kazui, should be back by the usual time."

"Any idea on what she'd like to eat? Or were you actually truthful and the parents have a strict diet?"

Orihime's lips pursed. "I'll show you the list later, but I think we should just get take out."

". . .Okay then."

The night passed without incident, aside from Kon's usual crying at the end of an episode, and Karin had to carry him back upstairs. Kazui brushed his teeth, went to bed, ready for another Friday. Karin was still up for a bit, finishing up her own homework, or rewatching horror movies, or both. Regardless she was being quiet, which was nice. It meant that he could comb his wife's hair in peace while she looked over their map information.

"Mmm. You're too good at combing Ichigo."

"I had practice."

" _Thank you Yoruichi."_ he thought.

"Mhm." she purred. Ichigo rolled his eyes.

"So how about that mapping?" he asked, to which she shrugged.

"Nothing. We haven't gotten any info on where this Hollow might be. It's still in the town, but it hasn't showed up yet. You even ran into a few souls right?"

"I did, they were quite uptight about being dead." Ichigo said. "Said they had been wondering for about two weeks before I found them and they had never once seen a Hollow." he sighed. "This must be something big. If other Hollows aren't showing up. . ."

"Has that ever happened before?" Orihime asked.

"Not that I know. But I mean, if a bear is roaming around, the foxes won't go near it."

"Well we must have one hell of a bear around here if Hollow activity is at an all-time low." She turned off the Ipad and placed it on the bed.

"Are you worried about it?" Ichigo asked.

"Of course I am, silly. If there's a Hollow this smart to hide, and strong enough to scare off other Hollows, then we're dealing with something very dangerous."

Ichigo nodded. The last thing he wanted was his family in danger from a Hollow.

"You know, if you want, I could come with you and Kazui to school in Shinigami form and keep watch. I could have Kon take care of things here."

"I appreciate it." she rested her hand on his knee. "But I can handle myself, and Kazui knows what to do in case something happens."

"Okay, but if you suspect anything, anything at all, just call me and I will be straight over."

"I will." she smiled. "Thank you. I think my hair is as neat as its ever going to get Ichigo."

"Oh?" he only just noticed his handiwork, a perfectly combed head of hair. "Oh." He put the hairbrush back into her nightstand drawer, and she pushed it closed. And so it was time to go to sleep.

Ichigo shifted over to his side of the bed while Orihime climbed in.

"Try not to hog all the covers again." he said.

"Oh shush and go to sleep."

She burrowed herself into the covers, and then squirmed up next to him. The lights were turned off, and Ichigo rested against her. He had to shift his arm around her a few times, until he finally got into the perfect position. When his mind stoppped buzzing, he was able to hear her breathing, a slow, steady sound. It always made him feel at ease.

"Hey Ichigo?" she asked, in a murmur.

"Mh?" he grunted.

"If Kazui ends up being attacked by Hollows, do you think he'd be okay?"

"I don't know."

"Oh. . ."

"He knows what to do. How to use Kido, to run, jump. But he hasn't fought yet."

"Do you know if he's ready to?"

"No." he gave her a brief hug. "But if I have anything to say about it, he'll never have to."

* * *

 **At the same time. . .**

The sewers of Karakura Town were, surprisingly, a place that was explored by most everyone throughout their lives. Usually this was the case of simple childhood curiosity and lenient parenting, but sometimes teenagers went down there on a dare. It helped that there were several spots in the town where someone could slip in without being noticed. Those people that did go down there usually had the presence of mind to wear giant rubber boots, waders, or both. Usually.

But while the stuff down here was smelly, harmful, and toxic to humans, it presented no such hazard to Hollows, whom were immune to the diseases of the mortal world. Unless there was the Mask Rot virus around here, a Hollow could theoretically go running around in a toxic waste dump and eat the contents of garbage bags with no ill effect besides foul after-taste. Similarly, nothing would be harmful to a Hollow in the sewers, but the smell could offend some of them.

So it was the case with Needler's comrade. Actually such a term was incorrect. Calling him a comrade seemed to imply that Needler cared about his suffering, and he didn't. If the punk wasn't in mortal danger, he could go on and on about the smell and the stains on his ridiculous white outfit until they both faded into ash. At least it meant that Needler got some kind of entertainment out of this situation.

"I can't help but feel like you don't care about my feelings."

"Oh I do, I do. I care very much about your suffering, believe me." Needler dipped his front paw into the water and sloshed the murky liquid around him. Water. It felt weird to him, even remembering his life as a human. Hueco Mundo didn't have water. Just sand.

"Really." the punk replied.

"Yes. In fact I pay great attention to it at all times."

"Are you actually being sincere or just a jerk?"

"You're the evolved life form. You tell me."

The punk looked at him in silence, working every single precious bit of grey matter to reply. Needler almost felt sorry for the kid. Almost.

"That's what I thought." he said.

"You're an ass." the punk replied.

"And you're an incompetent priss." Needler sniffed the water, and remembered all too well the smell of sewers. It almost felt like home, if his home had been flooded by sewer water and all the horrors that were to be found within. He removed his hand from the water.

"How can you stand to stick your hand in this stuff?"

"Are you really that much of a wuss? If you think this stuff leaves a mess, just wait until you get in a fight. Or are you planning to run around and clean yourself between strikes?"

The punk shivered. "Oh, I won't be cleaning myself, I'll be bathing."

"Let me guess, in their blood?"

"Oh," he gripped the handle of his sword. "Do you even need to ask? Why do you even hate that I desire to kill so much? I figured you were eager to kill something while we're here."

"How many times do I have to tell you that this is recon? Now shut up, quit complaining, and give me a report of what you've found. Now." he growled. To this the punk rolled his eyes.

"I kept invisible like you said, and I checked out the mall, the town hall, and the schools. Nobody saw or felt me, I'm sure of that. I was beginning to think that maybe this great threat had moved to another town, but. . ."

"But what? Out with it. I'm not in the mood for your games."

"I did feel some weird reishi from a child, and one of the teachers."

"Weird how? Powerful?"

"Yes, but also just weird. I didn't feel a Shinigami, not fully anyway."

"From which one?"

"Well I-" the punk looked down the length of the tunnel, and his hand was on his sword.

"Did you hear that?" he asked.

"Hear what?" Needler asked.

"Footsteps. Can't you hear anything?"

Needler sniffed the air. There was the water, and dozens of scents therein. But on top of all that filth there was something else. Something alive that wasn't a rat or a raccoon. This smelled fresh.

"Humans." he growled. "Four at the most. Likely eighteen or early twenties."

"How the hell could you know that?"

"Nobody else lays on that much cologne." he replied.

"Think they're looking for us?"

"More likely they're looking for sewer crocodiles. We'll hang back and observe. Under no circumstances should we kill or scare them."

"But-"

"Do you want to be butchered like an animal by a Shinigami that took out Firebrand in five minutes?"

To this the punk had no answer. Even he could understand the threat.

"That's what I thought."


	8. Chapter 8

If there was one thing that Ichigo wished he could do in his house, it was surgery.

Unfortunately being an emergency clinic meant that he didn't have the equipment or the sterile conditions that one needed for an operating table. If he could have operated on just a few of his patients it would've saved them a lot of money and stress. He would do it for cheap, and he'd do it well that was for sure. Plus there was the obvious benefit of increasing his profits, if only a little. He hadn't spent years working with cadavers for nothing after all.

Plus, doing surgery would've meant he could put metal bolts through patients jaws and clamp them shut.

"I swear, I went to the beach, and the next day I look like this!" Said patient was, to be fair, baring a strong resemblance to a tomato and rambling on about how she was a vampire.

"I have it, I have vampire syndrome!" she said. Ichigo sighed, to which she frowned.

"Doctor this time its true, I know it sounds crazy but its true! I looked up the symptoms of it and I seriously think that I have vampire syndrome! You gotta help me!"

Ichigo loved the internet. It had almost the sum total of human knowledge. But like a teenage boy going through puberty who was curious about what this new fad called "sex" was, it made it frustratingly easy for morons to grab whatever facts they wanted out of the air and use them, regardless of irrelevance or inaccuracy. If it was online, some people assumed it to be true. Such was the case with a fair number of hypochondriacs, as it was with one of Ichigo's most memorable patients.

"I will Lizzy."

"How?"

"By telling you the simple fact that you do not have xeroderma pigmentosum."

"Vampire Syndrome."

"The scientific term is xeroderma pigmentosum, and it is something you do not currently have."

"But I'm red as a tomato here! How can you explain that?"

"Well that depends. How long were you at the beach?"

Lizzy paused in thought. While she did that Ichigo took a hefty swig of his tea. Whenever he had Lizzy around, he was always in need of an extra cup. The way she could go on and on about her medical concerns was actually impressive. That she could make him sleepy, even moreso.

"Well, it couldn't have been more than an hour."

"Really. Are you sure?"

"Well. . .Maybe a few hours."

"Are we thinking three, four? Eight?"

". . .Yes?"

"Okay, so you spent eight hours on the beach, in the middle of a hot day."

"I did, but I mean, my friends were out there as long as me and they didn't get nearly as burned!"

"That may be because they had a better sunscreen. Now did you ask your parents about this? I looked through your family history as far back as I could, and I'm reasonably sure you're the distant niece of Oda Nobunaga, but I didn't find one trace of xeroderma pigmentosum anywhere in there. The simple fact is your chances of having the disease are rare."

"How rare? Can you give me a rough estimate maybe?"

Ichigo sighed. He pulled up his phone, showing her the game that was driving him up the wall. "Rarer than my chances of catching Mewtwo in my bathtub on Pokemon Go."

"You've tried that?"

"I take long baths, now back to you. Lets look at the facts. You were out in the sun for eight hours straight, with no hat,-"

"I hate big hats." she said.

"-no time indoors-"

"We were doing a volleyball tournament."

"-and judging from this tube of sunscreen-"

"When did you grab that?"

"-you were using a product that was two months expired. See?" Ichigo tapped the bottle.

"What? It can't be that bottle expires at the end of this month!"

"That's not an eight there Lizzy, that's a six. I can see why you'd be confused though. It does seem to be smudged a bit. But that adds to my point. Eight hours out in the sun with no hat or sunscreen. Anyone would have a nasty sunburn after all of that." Ichigo placed the bottle on the table. "So I'd recommend plenty of aloe vera and a new sunscreen for the future."

"But Doctor-"

"Lizzy, if you had the condition you wouldn't have been able to go outside much at all from childhood, and you would be experiencing far worse than sunburns, believe me. You do not spontaneously develop this condition. Now if you want a second opinion I can defer you to my colleague Doctor Ishida."

"I went to Doctor Ishida first this time." Lizzy said with a dejected sigh.

". . .What?"

"He said I should go see you for a second opinion."

" _That. Bastard."_ Ichigo thought.

"Well then, what was his diagnosis."

"He uh." she paused. "He didn't think there was a problem either. But you know how he is, he thinks he knows everything! I've read up on the symptoms Doctor!"

Ichigo groaned. Right, because what did doctors know? It's not like he and Ishida had cried red hot tears of blood in medical school for years, and had to resist going on several dozen killing sprees from trying to cram their brains full of facts. No, they didn't know anything. It's not like he had to pull several consecutive all-nighters, or replaced bedpans, or had to give shots to demon toddlers, or cleaning up puke from his scrubs.

No. Doctors didn't know anything. Not a thing.

" _King, I rarely say this, but I'm concerned about your bloodlust. Seriously, the images we're getting over here are a bit much."_

" _It can't be that bad because I'm frustrated."_

" _There's thunder and lightning here you maniac! You're scaring the Old Man! Reign it in!"_

Ichigo breathed slow. Inhale count of four, hold count of three, exhale. He did not want to murder. Murder was bad. Murder was wrong. It was just another case of Lizzy panicking, no need to use several dozen scalpels as throwing knives. He could do this.

With his composure regained, Ichigo realized that Lizzy was still talking, this time it was something about how her cousin's father's uncle's grandmother had barely gone outside in her life.

"That is definitive proof isn't it?"

"No. No it is not proof Lizzy." he said. "You do not have vampire syndrome, just as you did not have elephantiasis, kuru disease, Vrolik syndrome, or the yaba monkey tumor virus."

"But I. But." Lizzy sighed, and fell onto her side on the hospital bed. Ichigo could tell that he had taken the wind out of her sails. Maybe a little bit too much. Ichigo lifted his legs off of his table, and rose from his seat. She didn't seem to notice as he walked over to his fridge, grabbed a styrofoam cup, and poured some ice cold water into it from the jug. When he returned to the bed she was still there.

"Here. Purified water. Drink up."

"Thank you but I'm not thirsty."

"Hydration is important. Doctor's orders." he said. Lizzy sighed, but rose and took the cup. She took a swig of it, swallowing the entire thing in one go. She sighed, looking more relaxed when she was done. But then there was a rumble from her mouth, a growl that oscillated underneath a roar of some great beast. Possibly a lion or a tiger, or a walrus even.

"Good one." Ichigo said. Kazui had made bigger burps before he could speak. The breath however, that was unnatural.

"Actually, say ah." Lizzy complied. "You might have halitosis."

"What that?" she gasped through a wide open mouth.

"Bad breath."

"Are you sure?" she said.

"Well, if you'd hold still I would be able to check."

"Oh. Sorry Doctor. I had to ask. You understand right? I always get so nervous, like the time I thought I had werewolf syndrome and my mom said I was being ridiculous."

"Mhm. Mhm. Mhm." Ichigo let her story pass him over, water off his back. If there was a God, they'd grant him some escape from this hell, or smite him with thunder. He'd take either one.

* * *

 **Later, in the sewers. . .**

In all their time down in the sewers, Needler had learned two positives in being undercover here. One was that the stench pissed off the punk to no end, and the other was that, minus the water, this felt oddly similar to home. It w as a large underground network that he could be safe in. In fact it was even safer that Hueco Mundo because there weren't other Hollows to worry about. The greatest danger here was overly curious teenagers, and they weren't exactly courageous to begin with. As long as the punk didn't kill any of them, they could stay down here indefinitely.

But Needler had no intention of patrolling this town forever, and the punk would probably end up wanting to kill something before the following week, so it was probably a good idea to alert the boss to their progress. If only this damn gizmo worked.

"Damn pretentious technological crap." he grumbled

"Wait, wait wait." Needler heard the giggle of the punk from behind him. "You're actually gonna tell me that you can't even operate one of those things?"

"No I'm not going to tell you. I'll be shoving it through your skull first."

". . .Wow. Is that what I sound like?"

"Yes! Now either shut up or be useful. I'm trying to get it to work." This would be a lot easier if his hands weren't so huge. Evidently the craftsmen did not take into account the needs of Adjuchas. Figures they'd be designing for their own wretched kind. But wait, the punk had human-sized hands.

"In fact, here, press the big red button and toss it back to me." Needler tossed the gizmo to the punk. Without looking up from polishing his sword for the fiftieth time this week, the punk caught it. Then he pressed the indicated button, and tossed it back before Needler could say "Cero."

"Let me know if you need help writing anything or brushing your teeth." the punk said.

Needler's mind started to fill up with ways to murder the punk with what amounted an inter-dimensional remote. But despite remote control stabbing, he kept himself focused on the task at hand. The device was primed. Three small spikes had extended from the base while the other end was opened to show a small blue glowing light. He placed it on the driest spot in this sludge river, and stepped back. The device would take a minute to charge up, so it was time to play the waiting game.

He heard the punk drop down from his perch with a splash and a grumble, no doubt because of the dark muck staining his pants.

"Think Boss is gonna be mad?"

"We'll find out. Best case scenario is he's satisfied with our recon and lets us go home."

"That does sound good, but what's the worst case scenario?"

"He lets us go home and has me skinned alive for failing to provide anything useful."

"Well that doesn't sound so-"

"After he lets me kill you for nearly compromising our entire operation."

"Oh come on they were drunk college students! Freshmen! Who the hell was going to miss them?"

"Probably nobody, but their disappearances would be noted and investigated, and any Shinigami worth their salt is going to be paying attention to people disappearing, which at the least would draw them here to look for them, and then I would throw you at them to get away, you idiot."

That seemed to silence the punk, who crossed his arms, looking like he was pouting. Needlre returned his attention to the gizmo. The light was far, far brighter now. It then stretched out in four directions, four beams that then floated in place, pinned to an invisible wall. From those four points extended more points, two each that reached to two of the other points. When this was done Needler was faced with the gray static from a floating rectangle.

"Does it seem weird that Soul Reapers communicate across dimensions with TV's?" the punk asked.

"You need a hobby that doesn't hinge on killing people. Now stand up straight."

"Needler." the voice of Boss echoed in the tunnel, and Needler saw the punk stand up straight. He had almost jumped from the surprise. Needler had felt his heart skip a beat, but he had endured far too much in his life to be scared stiff by a voice.

"Boss." he replied.

"I trust you have some worthwhile information for me?"

"I believe I do."

"Good. What is your status?"

"We've been hiding in the sewers since we arrived. As far as I can tell we haven't attracted significant attention from whoever took down Firebrand, either that or they moved on."

"Are you saying that you wish to return home?"

"Well I for one-" the punk shut up when Boss coughed.

"You will speak when spoken to, punk." Boss chuckled.

"Yes sir." the punk said.

"Good. Continue Needler, tell me everything."

"Thank you Boss. We've been able to track down several powerful beings here."

"How powerful?"

"One was strong enough to be a Shinigami, but it felt odd, like the energy was asleep or sealed. I couldn't explain it unless I had the child with me."

"Excuse me?" Boss said. "A child? You're saying a child in this town killed Firebrand?"

"No Boss. This child has the smell of a Shinigami but not the power of one, not yet anyways."

"Hmm. Soul Society wouldn't send a child out to defend a town. Curious. You said there were several. Continue Needler."

"Yes Boss. We felt five total, including the child, but I'm confident only two of them could've killed Firebrand. One did not smell like anything I'd ever smelled. I've no words to describe it, short that this woman felt like neither Shinigami, Hollow, or Quincy. She is also the child's mother."

"I see." Boss paused. "And the other?"

"The other was. . ." Needler looked to the punk. "Tell Boss how it felt." To this the punks eyes narrowed at Needler. His shoulders shifted and his body shivered as he stepped up to Needler's side.

"It was vast, Boss. I had trouble breathing near him."

"Is this punk trying to be cute Needler? I don't have time for cute."

"No Boss, he is being completely serious this time. When he came back from scouting he was panting and sweating, took him awhile to speak coherently."

"I see. This is serious then." Boss said.

"What is our next course of action Boss? I'm not sure a direct attack would work."

"No, no it wouldn't. Needler, we need more information."

"What else could we gather Boss? Unless you want one of us to try killing the kid."

"Maybe not you Needler, but someone else."

"I volunteer Boss." The punk spoke up. Then he wished he hadn't when the Boss snarled at him, a sound that smashed into the echoing tunnels, a wave of crashing sound and barely restrained fury.

"If they learn of your existence, punk, that could lead back to us. Harribel only remains ignorant of our location because we have kept to the shadows, and I would like to keep it that way. If anyone were to compromise us I will personally burn out their eyes to keep the rest of us hidden. Understood?"

"Y. . .Yes Boss."

"Good. Needler, I need you to name at least three of our organization."

"Uh. . .Any criteria to narrow it down Boss?"

"Three to four you find fairly capable, yet don't mind losing."

* * *

 **Later, at school. . .**

"Kazui, did I write this correctly?"

Kazui looked away from his own classwork to look over at Hideki's own paper. His writing was a bit sloppy but still readable. There weren't many ways to write "x" wrong anyway. The equation was written up as the teacher had done, and the calculations flowed perfectly to the result. Wait, the answer was wrong. What had happened here?

"Huh?" Kazui popped out his headphone when he heard Hideki say something. "Sorry what was that?"

"Do you see if I did anything wrong?"

"Actually yeah."

"Oh dang." he said. "I knew I did something wrong."

"Don't beat yourself up over it. Here look, you were supposed to divide here, not multiply. Don't worry, I made the same mistake before I caught myself. Just divide and you're good."

"Oh, okay then." Kazui slid the paper back over to Hideki, and he set to work. He erased his answer and a few other digits. While Kazui set about the last problem, Hideki suddenly slid it back over.

"Like that right?"

"Yup. You nailed it Hideki." Kazui said, to which Hideki made a little punch up into the air. "But I'd get started quickly on the other side."

Hideki paused. "There's another side?" To this Kazui flipped over Hideki's paper, revealing two more problems that were each twice as long as the ones on the front side. Hideki's face drooped with each passing second. His eyes became dull as the happiness within was extinguished by the wave of math.

"Oh." he sighed.

"Here, give me a minute with this last one. Try on the first one and I'll help you out when I'm done."

"Okay." Hideki moaned. He shook the sadness from his eyes, exhaled, and began his work.

Kazui was glad to have Hideki as a friend. For one, he was incredibly at soccer and a good teacher, giving Kazui tips at playing defense, and he could reach the top shelves in the library's fantasy section. But he was also a good guy, kind, funny, and a good voice of common sense. He wasn't a top of the class genius, as Kazui had seen from his math scores, but he was determined and dedicated to his studies. Oddly enough he was prodigious at history with a textbook memory of dates and names.

How he managed to do that was a mystery. Dad said that some mysteries were better left unsolved.

Kazui was done with his own work, ahead of most of the class as per usual. All that was left now was to wait for everyone else to finish up. He raised his phone up to the current song. It had barely started, a piece form BRADIO. He pressed play, and lowered the volume a bit while keeping only one headphone in. From his seat he had a nice view out the classroom window to the soccer field next to the building, the town beyond that, and the mountains beyond even that.

But in front of the mountains, the town, and even the window was Miki, the sunlight shining off her hair looking like a halo. Beneath that halo was her face that gazed into a book she had smuggled in.

"Hey." Kazui said. "Hey Miki."

"Hm?"

"Are you finished too?"

"I finished ten minutes ago." she glanced up from her book. "Did you need help?"

"I just finished. The second to last one tripped me up but once I figured it out, it was easy."

"You and your word problems." Miki chuckled.

"I can't understand half of them, they write them horribly." Kazui sighed, adjusting his position in the plastic chair for greater comfort, what little he could get.

"I know right?" she said, with a smile. That smile.

"So hey," Kazui scooted his chair a bit closer to hers. "I forgot to mention this, but my dad is going to be picking up me and mom when school's done today."

Miki nodded. "Sounds good."

"And we'll be leaving about half an hour or so after school is out."

". . .What?"

"I know I know, but we'll be at home within fifteen minutes, twenty minutes top, and we can get started on homework immediately."

"First thing when we get inside?" she chirped with pursed lips.

"Well, dad will make us some snacks probably so we'll have those." Kazui shrugged. "I want to get this stuff done just as much as you do, and we will. Kurosaki's honor." He gave a salute to her. Miki took it like she took most things, a sigh."

"Very well." she said. "I am still amazed that my parents agreed to this."

Kazui wasn't sure if Miki was mocking her own parents, or his. "Thank you?"

"It's just," she sighed. "you've met them and they do not want me straying from academics."

"The fact that they asked my GPA after they learned my name clued me in."

"Oh shut up you know what I mean. They're strict, I don't know how your mom did it." Miki paused from her reading, and leaned closer to him. She glanced to her left, and to her right.

"Is your mom a witch?"

Kazui paused. That wasn't untrue, sort of.

"You have been reading too much Miki."

"You're a jerk." she sighed. "Seriously, your mom must have magic or voodoo to win over my parents."

"She is also a teacher, that probably helped."

"True." she said with a shrug, and leaned back into her chair. "I'm overthinking things again."

"It happens."

"I'm gonna get back to reading if it's all the same to you."

"Then I shall return to my music."

"Just keep it down please." she said.

"I know I know." Kazui popped the other headphone in. A new song was playing now, also by BRADIO. He checked his phone to see the title, called "Flyers." One of his favorites. He felt his foot moving in time with the drumbeat, and his lips silently mouthed the words.

Already the weight of the day was lifting from his eyes with the song. His head felt lighter, and the corners of his mouth started to curve upward in a little smile. Soon this class would be over, history would come soon after with a documentary on the life of Oda Nobunaga. And then, the sleepover. His first one ever.

Once homework was done and reviewed, tonight was sure to be a good one.


	9. Chapter 9

Today was a dark day in the Kurosaki household.

" _You're such a drama queen, king."_

Today was a dark day for Ichigo Kurosaki.

" _Drama queen."_

On the battlefield he had been faced with horrors unimaginable. Warriors who had never known defeat. But now, in the kitchen, he was confronted with a foe he had struggled with for years. Tonight was quite possibly the night when this struggle would end.

" _Oh for shit's sake it's soup, king!"_

If there was one thing Ichigo took as seriously as fighting, it was the art of cooking. Now it was a pleasure and hobby, but in college cooking well had made him a savior to his friends. He had had to learn to make do with what little he could get. Even with a campus job starting out, covering textbooks and living expenses was hell on his wallet. He might've gone to the cafe for longer than one week. But the cafe had two significant problems: it was more expensive in the long term than just buying his own groceries, and he wouldn't have put that processed and chemical-laden food in a landfill out of fear that it'd warrant hazmat teams.

" _The s_ oup looks good Ich _igo,"_ Old Man said. Ichigo nodded in response. Of course it did.

So in the fires of his kitchen he forced himself to make food, any food, to keep himself alive. Oh and Uryu. Somehow, he wasn't half bad at it. Soups and sushi were good quick affairs, and with good ingredients he could make a decent bento. It wasn't gourmet, but the simple fact it was cooked made it leagues above the campus's nauseating offerings. Whenever he tested his recipes with Uryu, they usually came out well.

Aside from the ill-fated Trinidad moruga scorpion stew, using a pepper at the very tip of the scoville scale. Ichigo had burned that recipe after Uryu was rushed to the campus nurse. But with that exception he had somehow kept himself well nourished, as well as Uryu, through college. And before him was another one of his creations.

The steam of the soup had left a thin layer of moisture around the oven fan, bringing with it the illustrious smell of his careful work. Ichigo felt a smile form on his lips, and for the briefest of moments there was nothing but him, the warmth, and the smell.

And today he stood on the culinary battlefield with an adversary he knew very well, one he had sought to perfect since Freshman year. The crafting of vegetable soup was his prey, and soon it would be his prize. With a few more potato slices at least. It was the casserole of soups, no matter what was put in the pot, it would technically qualify. It was easy to make and open to many, many combinations. It could take a while to cook, but the nutritional value and flavor could not be beat.

Just the smell and sounds of a good soup boiling, bubbling, simmering, splashing tiny bits of tomatoes against the inner walls of the pot made it so that Ichigo barely remembered what patient he had this morning. Someone who was a hypochondriac?

Oh who cared, he had soup.

A soup of crimson; lovely crimson essence of tomato, potatoes, and more vegetables than he knew what to do with. His creation, his child was done. His Mona Lisa, his Great Wave of Kanagawa. He didn't even care if Kazui or Miki didn't touch it. The joy of cooking and tinkering with the contents was enough for him. Well, maybe he was a bit curious to see if they'd like it. A little bit.

"Kazui, soup's done if you want any." he called out.

"Thanks Dad, I'll have some a bit later." That probably meant he wouldn't have some until lunch tomorrow. But, no harm no foul. That just left more soup for him. With bowl in one hand and ladle in the other, he scooped up the soup for his feast.

But before Ichigo grabbed his spoon, he stopped himself. He placed the bowl on the table as he moved to the living room, where Kazui and Miki were hard at work. He peaked around the corner. Kazui had his papers spread out in front of him on the floor. Some were stacked, others folded in half. They were all in arm's length at least. He snatched up one, scribbled on his homework, & slapped it back down.

On the other hand, Miki's were arranged in a neat stack. Each paper was sticking out a bit further than the one above it. Ichigo could tell the titles of the papers were exposed with that arrangement. She slipped a paper out with grace that barely shifted the stack, scanned its front page, etched the words into her homework, and slipped the paper back into the stack with equal finesse.

"Boo." Ichigo said. Kazui looked behind him, eyebrows raised in questioning. Then there was the sudden squeak of a large mouse. Papers flew around the room, and Miki looked like she had seen a ghost.

"Woops," Ichigo snatched several papers out of the air. Kazui had already sprung to his feet and had grabbed a handful papers of his own. Ichigo smiled at his son's efforts. He strode past him while Kazui moved to where Ichigo had entered. With his passing Ichigo grabbed paper after paper from the air and the furniture. From what he could hear Kazui was making a good sweep. Once they had reached an end of the room, they turned around and went the other direction. They both weaved among the papers, back and forth in a quick cycle until the room was cleared of homework.

Ichigo got a look at Kazui and Miki's handwriting side by side. One looked positively flawless, the other looked much less so. He sighed, and took hope from the possibility that Kazui would be able to take tests with a computer. That hope was fueled by genuine pride when he remembered what had just occurred between him and his son. Divide and conquer, serpentine movement, and wordless communication. A tactical move that Kazui had executed with him quite well. The kid was looking quite pleased with himself. Ichigo returned that with a nod, and had to shake off his pride to remember why he'd come in here in the first place.

"Here," Ichigo placed the papers on the table. "sorry about that. I'm used to tiptoeing around the house, my sisters were always light sleepers," he nodded at Kazui. "along with this guy."

"Dad," Kazui whined. Miki seemed to giggle at that. Ichigo wasn't sure actually. She was stone-faced. Her giggle sounded like a squeak, one that had lasted for a single second.

"Anyway," Ichigo said. "I finished up making the soup. Would you like some Miki?"

"Um," Miki was silent for a moment, still looking a bit taken aback.

"If you're not hungry I can get a small bowl." Ichigo extended the offer. Miki's brain seemed to start.

"Oh, yes please Mr. Kurosaki. I would most appreciate it." she chirped, and bowed her head. Before Ichigo could reply, she squeaked again and sat up straight, stiff as a board.

"I mean yes please Doctor Kurosaki."

Ichigo looked at Kazui, who responded with a shrug like this was a regular occurrence with her.

"Alright then, one bowl coming up. I've also got some garlic bread."

After he had served Miki the soup, Ichigo slumped down at the kitchen table, laptop open. He took a hearty sip from his spoon. The elixir lingered in his mouth before he swallowed. Peas, carrots, tomatoes, pasta, all of it in a soup of perfection. He felt the warmth flow through him, a state of zen felt only by the Buddha.. As Ichigo marveled in it, he scrolled the local news. There were reviews of the live action Ghost in the Shell. Mixed reviews, of course. The college baseball team was doing poorly, as sure as the sun would rise in the east. Toranosuke Yoshida was running for reelection, that was interesting. Weather patterns on the east coast were indicating heavy storms. Ichigo skipped past the rest, finding himself in the reported crimes section.

There was the vandalizing two days before of course. Thankfully nothing valuable had been damaged, just the front windows and a few dents and cracks in the walls. There was no mention of the lamppost. The police must have had trouble even figuring out what the hell could've bent a lamppost into a metal pretzel. Ignoring the unexplained was the usual approach to bizarre phenomenon around here, for the best really. Below that story there was a mugging on the outskirts of the town. The criminal wasn't named of course, but if Ichigo had to guess it was probably Jinta beating the snot out of some actual muggers, who then tried reporting him. Tried. Below that there was another mugging by three twenty somethings on a couple. Said muggers were arrested, completely unrelated to the first reported mugging of course, no question.

"Miki, can you tell what this question is asking? It's confusing me."

"You're supposed to read it in the plural sense."

"Oh," Kazui replied. "That explains it. Thanks!"

Ichigo took another sip of his soup, his mind half-focused on his sons work. It seemed to be going well. Miki was a bit odd, but she answered every question as if she knew the information like the back of her hand, and without any hint of smugness or frustration like Uryu so often did.

"Oh, Kazui, question sixteen I'm not sure on, do you have it figured out?"

"Yep, I think. Figure out the angle measurements then work backwards to the Pythagorean theorem."

"Huh? Hmm. Oh. There it is. Thank you."

And she asked her own with courtesy. She had manners and a good work ethic. She did seem jumpy, but Ichigo had regularly got into fights for years, so he couldn't judge. From initial impressions she seemed like a nice girl, but it was probably best to let her settle and get comfortable. Miki might explode if Kon somehow wondered in. Kazui had a crush on her, that much was obvious.

"Kazui, make sure you take out the garbage when you're done."

"Yes dad," he replied, with a faint sigh. Ichigo suppressed his chuckle as he focused on the paper. The criminal section was, as was usually the case, lacking stimulation. So far there weren't any possible leads. No reports of mysterious property damage. At least none that he hadn't known about, or been the cause of. Nor were there any crimes left unsolved. An attempted mugging was thwarted when the would-be robber slipped on the waxed floor, a woman speeding from the mall was quickly stopped by the police. No clues, no nothing.

For most it was quiet town, but for him it was a battlefield. Karakura town slept without a care, but it didn't know what was hiding beneath the shops and homes. Soon enough that sleep would be disrupted by a bump in the night. Ichigo knew that bump was coming, sooner or later. But he had no idea when or where. All he could do was wait for the next bizarre event. An Adjuchas had appeared out of nowhere. That was a one in a million chance, even concerning Karakura's location atop the jūreichi. And on top of that a hollow had definitely entered the town, yet was as silent as the grave.

Three million in one shots were just impossible. Something was going on here, and he didn't have a single goddamn clue on what was happening. It was times like these he missed Rukia. She could probably figure this out no problem. He just wanted answers, or someone to hand them those answers.

"Hey Dad can you understand this question?" Ichigo's daze fell away as he heard the footsteps of Kazui and Miki come round the table. He clicked away from the reported crimes to something about a cult visiting a college campus. Jehovah's Witnesses maybe. His cover maintained, Ichigo looked to the homework Kazui was holding out.

"The teacher likes to throw us weird questions sometimes," he said.

"He wants us to get glimpses of what we'll have later on," Miki added. "If we can do them, we get extra credit."

Ichigo took the paper from Kazui. His eyes narrowed as he looked it over. This was way too complicated for their grade. Ridiculously complicated.

"Good old organic chemistry huh?" Ichigo picked up a pencil and got to work. "One second."

"Wait, dad-"

"This problem is absurd," he replied. "Here." He handed the paper back to Kazui. Miki was hovering behind Kazui. Their eyes were glued to the paper. First their brows furrowed. Then their heads started to tilt to the left. Two seconds later their eyes widened and they looked up at him with slack jaws. Ichigo reached over to gently push Kazui's jaw closed. But it just opened wide again.

"That, that took you five seconds," Kazui said. "How?"

"You don't go through med school without learning a few things." Ichigo chuckled. "Consider that one a freebie you two."

"Th-thank you Doctor Kurosaki. The teacher will be quite impressed with this."

"I'm guessing that he doesn't get the answers to those problems very often?" Ichigo asked. To this both kids shook their heads, almost like they were creaking from side to side. "Okay then."

"You didn't have to solve it for me Dad," Kazui said.

"Probably," Ichigo replied. Miki squeaked again. Ichigo ignored it. "but if the teacher decides to dangle these impossible targets in front of your faces, I figure taking down at least one would be a fun thing to taunt him with." Ichigo shrugged. "More importantly I think you both deserve it." He got up from his seat and grabbed his laptop.

"Don't worry about it Kazui, you'll get another go at it." Ichigo ruffled the little guy's hair, much to his annoyance. Then he put away his now empty bowl into the dishwasher.

"Is that all your homework done?" he asked. They both replied with nods. "Good. I'm gonna hop up to my study. When I come down I expect you kids to be in bed with the lights off. Got it?" Miki nodded in response. Kazui looked about ready to cry. Ichigo couldn't resist a chuckle. At that sound both kids looked surprised.

"Just kidding." Ichigo clarified. "Let's fire up some popcorn and a movie, or maybe Dark Souls?" Kazui glanced at Miki, she looked a bit nervous at this idea. Kazui looked back at Ichigo.

"Ehh," Kazui said. "I'll look through the movies and see what works."

"Sounds good to me." So Ichigo strolled up the stairs. So far so good for Kazui's first night of having a friend over. Homework was done, the food was hot, and Miki seemed comfortable in their house. Still, even now he couldn't ignore the feeling in his gut, the instinct that told him something was wrong. Sometimes these feelings were nothing, other times they were correct. He just didn't know which was which most of the time. The familiar smell of paperwork did nothing to assuage his mood. Maybe he really should have lobbied for playing Dark Souls.

* * *

 **The following Wednesday. . .**

Ururu held out a measuring tape. "Too tight?"

"Just a bit." Orihime squeaked. "Quite a bit!"

"Oh. Sorry." Ururu replied. Mercifully, she readjusted the measuring tape around Orihime's waste so she could breathe again, mercifully.

"Thank you for doing this on such a short notice Ururu."

"You're welcome. Please raise your arms," she said. Orihime compiled and held out her arms to her sides. Ururu rose just slightly off the ground and extended the measuring tape from Orihime's bare shoulder out to her palms. Orihime twitched slightly at the sensation of the paper on her skin.

"Sorry." she said.

"It's alright," Ururu replied. She didn't seem to be bothered by it. Orihime appreciated that. No muss, no fuss, just simple measurements.

"Have I said how glad I am you're doing this?" Orihime asked

"You have, a few times," she replied.

"I'm just glad it's you. If it was anyone else in the shop it'd get. . ." she searched for the word.

"Unsettling?" Ururu offered. Orihime nodded.

"Yes. I'd be okay if it was Tessai though. But he always looks like he's scowling."

"Yes," Ururu said. "You can lower your arms now."

"Do you know how long it will take for the readjustments?" she asked. Ururu rolled up the tape as she floated down to the wide measuring table. She placed it on the table, right next to Orihime's outfit and a little wooden box. Then she held up the pants of the outfit, and stared. And stared. She didn't even blink.

"Ururu?"

"One moment please," she replied in a tone barely above a whisper. Her eyes narrowed at the pants, and she muttered something. Ururu let go of the pants, which was fine because now they were floating.

Then she tossed the long sleeve shirt at the pants, only for the shirt to float up just above them and stretch out its arms to the sides. The vest, jacket, shoes, and gloves quickly followed. The outfit remained in the air. Looking at it made Orihime feel like it was possessed and going to start flying around.

"Hold your arms to the sides please." Ururu said. Orihime did so. As if in response to that, the outfit zipped out to just in front of her. She blinked.

"No matter how many times I see you working like this, it always looks creepy." Orihime frowned. Ururu looked at her, unblinking.

"It's alright. It can look strange." She waved her arm as if dragging it through water. Another table to her far left on the other side of the room quivered, as did the numerous sewing needles. Several balls of yarn also shook and bounced where they rested, until Ururu snapped her fingers to and fro.

At Ururu's command the needles zipped up, then to the left, then to the right. Some went to the balls of yarn, which appeared to unravel themselves and snake around the needles. Some other needles went straight at Orihime, only to stop at the outfit. The other needles followed soon after, a squadron in perfect sync that trailed streams of yarn. Orihime starred as the sleeves, vest, and pants were snipped and cut along straight lines, flawless incisions that were immediately patched up with the addition of new thread.

Sleeves grew wider, pants gained several inches, and the shirt and vest mercifully gained a larger reach. Round and round the needles went in spirals. Each revolution pulled the fabric closer together, all without any sign it had been separated in the first place. When it was done, the clothes were reborn. Reborn like a silk baby. A silk baby that would make tank shells bounce off without denting. And had anti-hollow armor threaded into the fabric. An armored silk baby made of pure, hyper lethal, glorious badass. This cloth of mass destruction was hers, all hers to use against her enemies at her whim, to crush the hollows under heel, and break any barrier before her peerless might!

"Uhm. Miss Orihime? Are you okay?"

"Yes. Much. Perfect."

"...Good," Ururu sighed. "Hold still." Suddenly the outfit came alive again and slipped around Orihime. Next thing she knew it was wrapping around her body. Even the pants somehow found a way to slip themselves on her. The fabric stroked against her skin, feeling both soft and warm. It was as light as a feather, yet she knew what would happen if it collided with a thrown car.

On top of that durability, she could move without hindrance. She moved her arms about, shifted her shoulders, and found no restraint in her motions. She rose up on one leg, raising the other straight above her head in a kick. No resistance, complete freedom. She swung it down to the floor with a slight thud. She looked at Ururu..

"You like it?" the girl asked.

"I love it."

"Me too!"

Orihime and Ururu both realized that Urahara was now in the room, peaking around the corner, flashing the peace sign as he did so. He emerged from the corner and gave golf claps.

"Ururu, you've truly mastered seamstress spells." he said, practically glowing with pride for her. Ururu could barely contain her blushing. The poor girl looked like a tomato from the unbridled praise. Orhime had to agree with Urahara.

"Yes she has. The adjustments are perfect," she added. "I can finally breathe in this thing."

"Good," Urahara said. "wait." His eyes narrowed at the dress. Orihime felt that feeling she usually did around most men. The staring eyes, the loosening jaw, and the suppressed urge to sock someone in the face or tear them apart with words as sharp as shurikens. Urahara's eyes were focused like unto a laser on a very specific area of her.

"Hmm." But curiously, he looked more annoyed than anything else. "Oh well, the adjustments are fine. I might have done something different, but it works." he brought forth his fan from whatever pocket dimension he placed his trinkets. Orihime was more interested in something else. She looked to Ururu and pointed at her own hands. The girl nodded without a word. She reached into the little wooden box.

"What exactly are you talking about Urahara?" Orihime asked. She wanted to be sure she was reading him correctly before she did something she'd regret.

"I originally conceived the outfit to be a bit more flattering, show off the features!"

Orihime sighed. She heard a tiny cough from Ururu. From the corner of her eye, Orihime saw two white and black shapes float through the air, which she plucked like apples from a tree. They were gloves, as light as the rest of the suit save for the armor over her knuckles. The fabric glistened in the orange light through the window. The black covering for her knuckles flashed glints of light, and creaked faintly as she moved her wrists and fingers about.

"You wanted it to hug my chest then?" she asked. She started to step towards him, her eyes lingering on her hands.

"Just a little bit. Why?"

"Oh, no reason," Orihime's hands shot out at his face. She pulled him in by the back of his neck, causing his hat to fall off his head as Orihime wrapped one arm around his neck. She drew her fist above her and felt the knuckles crack.

"You creep!" Her hand came crashing down.

"Ow ow ow ow!" Urahara reached at her iron grip around his neck, but she would not relent. Her knuckles rubbed into his skull and curiously well kept hair.

"Mercy!" he cried. "Spare me!"

"Never you pervert! You wanted that outfit to show off my chest!"

"Uhm, Miss Orihime?" Ururu muttered, her voice somehow audible over Urahara's wailing.

"Yes?" Orihime asked.

"I just wanted to let you know that those gloves come with a taser function."

"Oh really? Hold still!" Orihime had to adjust her grip to maintain her assault on Urahara's skull. Her prey would not escape her knuckles from hell. "That's incredible! How strong is it?"

"Uhhh, I forget. Mr. Urahara, what's the voltage output of Yoruichi's Shunko?"

"I am so not telling you that!" he replied. "You'd have to locate the blue button-"

"Oh, this one?" Orihime just noticed the blue button located below the first knuckle of her right hand. It had a little lightning bolt on the side. An inspection of her left hand round Urahara's showed an identical button in the same spot. She stopped her attack on Urahara's scalp. But she did not let him go. Oh no, she wanted to test out her new equipment.

* * *

 **Meanwhile, just outside the supermarket. . .**

The grocery list was an odd one for Tessai. There was far too much junk food, not enough protein or fiber. He swore to himself that this would be the absolute last time he'd let Jinta write the list. Maybe he could make some soup and slip in some vegetables. That would catch the little rascal off guard.

"Aaaaagh!"

Tessai stopped in his tracks. Was that Urahara? It was definitely coming from the direction of the store.

"Waaagh!"

Yes, yes it was. Probably Mrs. Kurosaki testing those gloves enchanted with Shunko. If he recalled, those could reduce any normal hollow to dust if held to them long enough.

"Blaaaaargh!"

Maybe he should try sneaking sliced carrots into Jinta's soup. . .

* * *

 **That following Friday, at the Kurosaki household. . .**

The smell of hot rice and fresh sushi filled the air around the Kurosaki kitchen. Around the stove Ichigo was a machine. He shifted from stirring one pot of noodles to frying vegetables in another, and then back to the oven to check on the pork.

While Ichigo moved around as a black and orange blur to maintain the food, Orihime was a blue and lighter orange swirl, circling the table over and over. Each rotation added new items to the table: plate mats, plates, bowls, silverware, little decorative candles, and napkins. Extra napkins, for Kazui.

To Kazui himself this scene was nothing new. But he didn't understand the reason for it. Mom and Dad always took turns between cooking and setting the table. The part that confused him was them making it into a race. Mom said it was healthy competition, and Dad said it made the whole thing more fun. He wanted to know what the winner got, but aunt Karin's only attempt at telling him was cut off when dad covered her mouth and hissed.

But while Kazui had gotten used to the sight, and quickly returned his attention to his magazine, one glance showed Miki, staring straight at the sight with her jaw hanging open. Kazui had to resist blushing. The last thing he wanted was to stand out like this. If Miki gossiped about it to her friends, word would spread in no time, and he'd be that one kid with the crazy cooking dad and the loopy art teacher.

Then he remembered that Miki didn't have any friends besides him and his. He sighed in relief. Then he realized how awful it was to have smiled at that thought. He groaned, and buried his face into his magazine in the vain hope that would keep him hidden for the rest of the night. It was only when Mom rang the dinner bell that Kazui emerged from his cocoon and took a seat at the family table. Well, after Karin also moved like a blur, snatched up a little bit of everything, and then zipped right back up to her room before Miki could even ask what the hell.

Supersonic aunts notwithstanding, Miki seemed to be enjoying herself. She hadn't once shut down during her stay. She was still quiet, but she looked more calm around his parents.

"Miki, would you like some more tea?" Dad asked while carrying around the pot.

"Yes please Doctor Kurosaki." she said. She still mostly spoke with a whisper. Dad had to glance at Kazui for confirmation. Kazui gave a little nod and Dad refilled her cup. Dad gave him a little nod, a silent thanks for the help.

"Ur, Ichirgur," Mom spoke up. Then she finally swallowed her pork. She looked at Kazui, and pointed from her eyes to his. "That never happened." Kazui nodded, as was standard procedure.

"Did you manage to clear your schedule for the fair?"

"Yes, yes I did. I am all clear to enjoy some good old county fair fun" Dad replied. "Akira knows who to call if he needs anyone, Makoto's away for that week-"

"Ooh where?" Mom asked.

"Hawaii."

"Oh good for her, she deserves a vacation."

"That's what I was saying. And God willing, Lizzy won't come by. If she does, I have a plan." Dad winked at mom. For a second Mom looked confused, but then something clicked and she returned the smile. "Nothing but fair games for us."

"Can you finally do the hammer game dad?" Kazui asked.

"Maybe, maybe." he mused.

"I'm just looking forward to the koi pool," Mom said, "they're so beautiful to watch."

"Uhm, excuse me?" Miki spoke. Her hand was raised. "Mrs. Kurosaki? I've never heard of this fair before, could you explain it to me please?" When Miki had finished speaking, Mom and Dad looked like they had been flicked on the nose. Kazui was witness to something new and amazing, their utter shock that had left them without a single word.

"Well, it's, " Dad coughed. "every year in late October there's a little fair just a few miles north of here. It started a few years ago. I want to say eight? Anyway, it's got rides, games, fortune tellers, kabuki theater, and yes the koi pools. We've been going for the past couple of years."

"Remember that giant lion plushie I brought to show and tell? The one that was bigger than me?" Kazui asked Miki, to which she nodded with certainty. "Dad won that for me in that game where you shoot out the star. I still have it in my room."

"Woah." Miki said.

"Yeah, you should've seen Kon's face when I-" Kazui's mouth froze in place. The rest of his body followed, as if he had instantly been paralyzed where he sat. In the side of his vision, he could see Dad's eyes had inched a bit further open. Kazui couldn't move. He was damned if he spoke any more, damned if he stayed silent. The longer he stayed quiet the more it'd confuse Miki, and the more it'd confuse her the more likely she was to ask questions, and the more likely he'd have to lie to her, and if he had to lie he'd have to memorize that lie to keep it up, and if he had to keep it up...

"Oh!" Dad spoke up. He checked his watch. The watch. It was beeping. That sound shocked Kazui, reanimating him before saliva would've started dripping from his mouth. That was the beep. It was happening, now.

"What is it?" Mom asked.

"Patient." Dad replied. "It's Mr. Okumura on the other side of town. His fever's flaring up again. Shoot." Dad rose from his chair, leaving part of his meal unfinished and Miki confused. While Dad zipped to grab his shoes, Mom was already scooping up some food into a plastic bin.

"Mr. Okumura's immune system isn't exactly stable." she said to Miki. "He's had this since he was a kid. Normally he's fine with his medication, but he's getting on in years and slips up sometimes. We've got to zip over and help him out. It takes a while to bring him back down.

"Yeah, his body's not exactly hospitable but he's a gem. Karin!" Dad called out. "Mr. Okumura's got another fever. Pack the kit and get moving!"

"Should I pack extra?" Karin's voice echoed through the house.

"With all three of us, I don't think we'll need anything beyond the standard equipment."

"Wait," Miki asked. "why does Mrs. Kurosaki need to go for a fever?"

"To counteract Aunt Karin's bedside manner." Dad replied.

"Huh? Does that mean your Aunt is too friendly with patients?" she asked. Kazui's head creaked from side to side. Friendly was not applicable here in the slightest.

"We should be back in an hour, maybe two." Dad already had on his jacket and slung his medical bag over his shoulder. "Sorry to do this but I'm imposing curfew on you guys. Until we're back, you guys gotta stay inside the house. Completely. Hands and feet, indoors." It was at this point that Karin came down the stairs with her own medical equipment at the ready. Mom had snatched her jacket from the couch at some point.

"And no opening windows either." Karin added. "Bodies inside at all times."

"Huh?" Miki squeaked.

"I'm just kidding." Karin snickered.

"Karin, enough." Dad said. "This time it's bad. We have to move." Dad swung the door open.

"Feel free to watch whatever movies you want." he said. Dad stepped out the door "See ya later Oni." Dad's hand peaked out from the door and gave a little wave before disappearing completely.

"Especially watch the Ring!" Karin said. "Oh wait no you should-" She disappeared from the door with a yelp, and Dad's grumbling. Mom sighed, then Kazui felt arms wrap around him and him. He felt a kiss land on his head.

"We'll be back soon, don't worry." she whispered. "I love you." The hug briefly tightened, and then released. Mom strode quickly out the door, closing it behind her. And then the house was silent. Glasses were still on the table. Some dishes were still in the wash. The warmth of the place lingered, kept alive only by the lights left on. For all the noise a few minutes ago, there was nothing but the faint sound of Miki's own breathing. She looked confused, and little bit frightened.

"Sorry." Kazui muttered. "Do you – do you want to watch a movie?"

Miki glanced from him to the floor. "Does that happen a lot?"

"What?" he asked. But Kazui knew what she meant.

"Do they run off for patients like that?" she repeated, somehow quieter. Kazui nodded. "That's good." she said. It took a second for her to look back at him. Her eyes shot wide open. "That they care so much about people. Your dad must care a lot."

"Yeah." Kazui sighed. "He does."

* * *

 **A few blocks away. . .**

Ichigo left his body on the rooftop of a convenience store. There was a lawnchair here that the owner used during his lunch breaks, and which served as a convenient spot to dump a corpse. Well, Ichigo's corpse. Although technically it wasn't a corpse because his body wasn't exactly dead. Regardless, he wasn't going to leave his body on the ground where it could get dirty or develop bruises. He was going to leave it in a spot where it was comfortable and safe. This spot was just one of many to do so. Orihime and Karin agreed, placing their own little lawn chairs by Ichigo's, then depositing their bodies on them. Orihime took special care to make sure she was sitting upright, then placed a pair of sunglasses on it.

"Why do you do that?" Karin asked.

"Because it looks cool!" Orihime replied. Karin rolled her eyes, then walked off to the rooftops edge. Orihime looked at Ichigo's body like it was missing something. Ichigo's brain couldn't register what he had forgotten, but it soon hit him. He reached into his body's pants and pulled out his own pair of sunglasses. He quickly slid them on the head and turned away.

"Love you." Orihime whispered.

"Love you too." Ichigo replied as they bumped fists. "Feel anything Karin?"

"That's hard to explain." Karin said. Ichigo opened his mind to the currents of spiritual energy. He felt the presence of ghosts, no surprise there. There was that omnipresent atmosphere of energy that was unique to Karakura Town, more specifically the jureichi. It gave everything a kind of mist that made it harder for weaker spiritual beings to navigate the area, or watch out for Hollows. But it wasn't anything an experienced Soul Reaper couldn't handle. Ichigo's mind cut through the mist and reached across the rooftops and streets. Within seconds he felt the presence of a Hollow. A weak one, yet its power was in flux. Perhaps it was just being born, which would make it easy prey. Then it vanished. Ichigo paused his search, only to feel that same energy pop up elsewhere. It was stronger now, yet still in flux, but vanished again. Several times he felt this, simultaneously.

"What the hell?" he muttered.

"Okay, not just me." Karin said. "This is too smart."

"Smart?" Ichigo asked. Karin nodded as she focused on the town, Zanpakuto cradled in her hand.

"This isn't something that can be accidental or a rare phenomenon. Hollows don't just do this."

Ichigo nodded. "And they all feel the same, they have that same scent to them."

"Don't most Hollows feel the same?" Orihime asked. "Aside from the Menos they're all pretty similar." Ichigo considered this. What she said was true. Common, or the lowest form, of Hollow were rather indistinguishable from each other when it came to spiritual energy. The exceptions were the long-lived Hollows, who grew in power and learned, becoming more adept and dangerous. This particular signature was fairly similar to a normal Hollow, but there was something off to their presence. The fluctuations had to be a deliberate tactic, not something natural. Somehow these apparitions were showing off the exact same fluctuations in energy between them all.

"They do feel similar, too similar," Ichigo said. "These guys are identical." The signatures kept appearing and disappearing with little rhyme or reason in their placement.

"It's a distraction." Ichigo declared. He stopped feeling the area and cracked his wrists.

"A distraction for what though?" Karin asked. "Could they be after us specifically?"

"We've never had a Hollow come after us in years." Orihime said. That was indeed the truth. No Hollows had come after them. Hollows still came here; most of them were basically animals too stupid to know when they were walking into wolf territory. The stronger ones, like Menos, were being greedy and ambitious, not knowing who was guarding Karakura Town. Ichigo had seen to keeping their existence here quiet, away from the eyes of potential threats that might target his family. They hadn't been attacked since Kazui was born. So why now?

"Could be," Ichigo said. "Won't know until we find them, we-." Ichigo's watch started to beep. He raised it to see Urahara's name on the watch's face.

"Kurosaki, I gather you've sensed the bizarre movements."

"Yeah, we all have." Ichigo replied. Ichigo looked out on the town. He could see the evening fog begin to roll in. Low visibility wouldn't do them any favors tonight.

"Any ideas Kurosaki? I have one."

"Well I was going to say we stick together, go in groups of two to cover more ground while being more safe, but there's only three of us here, and you're too far away, if you wanted to help us out this time."

"Kurosaki, you know I don't come out unless it's really bad." Urahara's cavalier tone made Ichigo want to smack his hat clean off his head. He could do that now, in fact. It wasn't like when he had first trained under the guy. He could run up, tear the hat to shreds, and shave him completely bald before Urahara could activate his first booby trap.

"Now you're thinking about ripping off my hat," Urahara said.

"No I wasn't," Ichigo replied, ignoring the eyes of Karin and Orihime. "What's your plan?"

For a moment Urahara remained silent. Ichigo waited. And waited. Then, he realized the plan.

"You know what I'm suggesting, don't you," Urahara said. "I know it's not ideal."

Ichigo felt a spark ignite deep within himself, the prologue to a fire that would engulf whoever was putting them in this situation. There was no telling what else these apparitions could do. They could be dealing with a simple trick, an illusion meant to obscure whatever was the real plan. Or it could be more dangerous. Ichigo didn't know of any Soul Reaper spells that could do this. He could vaguely recall one spell to create duplicates, but those were created in close proximity to the caster. He didn't have a clue what this was. If Urahara knew, he'd have shared it already. Probably. So the end result was that someone was casting or creating this phenomenon, and they didn't have a clue who or what that was. Now he had to agree to a plan that might put his family in danger.

"Urahara," Ichigo took a deep breath, calming his tone. "this had better work."


End file.
